That's tough. I think about confrontation all the time. I never got to threaten her, or yell at her, or any of that.
The thing is, she's a narcissist... She won't care, it won't change her life, it won't change anything.
But, i don't see any harm, in your case. If I were you, I'd call her and let her know exactly what I think of her. And what he thought of her. And then hang up before she could even respond,
[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 3:57 PM, April 21st (Monday)]
Exacting revenge is not healthy for you. Let it go. For all you know, this continued resentment has been contributing to the health issues you're dealing with.
Inflicting vengeance is not really going to be the right answer. The right answer comes in working toward being at peace with the past and the present and looking towards a future untainted by this hatred.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
And allow yourself peace.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
What have you got to lose? That you have carried this all these years, that it continued to plague you enough to hire a PI, perhaps this would be the thing that will finally give you rest.
Darned uncomfortable going against the common wisdom, but it's what I really think (at least right now - don't think I'm not having second thoughts).
P.S. I'm so sorry for your loss but I am so happy for what you were able to keep, despite everything.
((((Tough Old Cookie))))
You know she won't have any remorse, so if you are doing it just to make yourself feel better, will it? If you confront her and tell her what a piece of trash she is (and I bet she's heard it before), do you think she will even care?
You have to decide what is best for you, but if you are hoping for some type of remorse from her, I am afraid it will be a disappointment. If you are doing it to cleanse your soul and you don't care what she has to say about it, that is a bit different, although, honestly, I wouldn't even let her know that she bothers you anymore. If, after all this time, you took the effort to track her down to tell her off, it only gives her the smug knowledge that she got to you.......
I think it's okay to want to be able to deliver your Victim Impact Statement. Of course I do, I delivered one myself to one of the OW, the one who knew my FWH was married, with a toddler and a pregnant wife (and then a toddler and a wife and an infant).
My advice is figure out what you want from the potential encounter. Realize what will and will not be likely to occur. If you mostly want to speak your truth (as I did), prioritize what you most want the OW to hear...because you might not have an audience for long.
I confronted the OW years ago now, and I never regretted it for even a moment. I can still smile about it. That said, I think stewing on it, planning it, and thoroughly thinking through what I wanted to say was key.
Best of luck to you, and I'm sorry for your recent loss. (((Tough Old Cookie)))
Do what you need for you. Wishing you peace and strength.