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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Feeling down
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been a rough ride, these last couple years. Between all the lying about the affair, discovering it, separating and planning the divorce, and of course the AP is as narcissistic as they come. My house flooded with sewage twice in the last month, my babes turned three, and I felt I was doing so good with school but now feel like I'm sinking.

People are hounding me about how I'm going to handle scheduling with school and pre-k next year. Yeah, I'm not stressed enough.

I just feel so alone and unheard. I feel I have given so much but maybe my best isn't enough. I told my sister this week, you push someone off a cliff and they're going to fall. I'm trying so hard and I know ultimately this is a first world problem, but the pain is so great, the progress so slow, and I feel lost and rudderless at times.
Do any of you feel this way? I guess I'm asking for a friendly voice in the midst of this.

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 8:28 PM, April 21st (Monday)]


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you!!!

When I start to feel overwhelmed I try to focus on the most immediate, necessary task. If there isn't one, I just take a break!! Deep breathing, stretching, whatever. Just let yourself chill for a bit.

Your best is all you can do, so DECIDE that it is enough.

It IS exhausting, isn't it??

(((Hugs)))


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad you wrote when you did.

I'm struggling right now. Everyone talks about how proud they are of me, but behind closed doors there's much to be desired. I have never felt failure as intensely as this, and it's so hard to wrap myself around, so hard to get through the day sometimes.

Thank you for letting me vent and for responding.


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You seem to be holding yourself to a very high standard. I am sure people are right to be proud of you. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you feel overwhelmed despite what you've handled, or because of it. Do you maybe have a bit of a false imposter syndrome going? If so, I promise, most people who seem so put together are putting on their own act to seem so polished. Like ducks--gliding on the surface, paddling like crazy underneath. Don't be embarrassed if you feel like you are paddling especially frantically right now. Just give yourself permission to be left than perfect, and don't lose faith that you will manage it all in the end, in your own way, in all it's imperfect perfection.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
areyoukidding
♀ Member
Member # 30528
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So very sorry you're feeling down.

This is a crazy roller coaster ride and there are many, many ups and downs. It's frustrating that progress and healing isn't linear and upward. It's overwhelming dealing with the fallout. And it's hard dealing with everyone's expectations.

I have been where you are. I remember people telling me how proud they were of me for being so strong. That was the outward me. The inward me was all over the map. It will get better; it really will!

Don't be too hard on yourself. This is a tough hand you've been dealt and you're picking up the pieces one at a time. Some days are easier, some not so much. Be grateful for small victories, acknowledge, learn from and move on from the defeats. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Hang in there, my dear. Come here for support. We've got your back.


BS (me) : 53 Freshly divorced and so very happy. To infinity and beyond!!


Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the number 9.


Posts: 632 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Canada
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You both had incredible things to say. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. I really needed to hear them.

It's so hard to feel unheard when going through something like this, and you both made points that I needed to hear.

Thank you for taking the time to listen, as I have been grieving and felt alone, and your responses helped me not feel that despair as much.


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Topic Posts: 6

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