I have no clue.
Normally he and the children would make me breakfast in bed, then later on we would go out with MIL and extended family for a Mother's Day celebration.
I don't know what to do. I don't want breakfast in bed this year. Too painful. But I'd like to do something with my kids. But I also want to see MIL, but I know from Easter that I can't deal with a family get together.
Part of me feels like I should get to go out with the kids and do something and WH can go do whatever with his mom/extended family. Is that selfish?
What do you guys do?
You just have to make your own plans and let go of the past ones. Make new memories and new traditions.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
If your kids generally get you a little gift or something, is there a good friend or family member not of stbx's that could take them for a fun afternoon of shopping?
My first year separated my sister did this for my kids. They each picked whatever their heart desired for me... it was really quite hilarious what they chose, but it reflected their little hearts and they were just so excited to give me what they had total control of choosing.
If stbx wants to be involved it's probably just to alleviate his own guilt. You know what? Let him sit in it! Enjoy the day as YOU want to. With your kids at home, at Starbucks, out to breakfast, in bed with movies all day... whatever! But let his ass see what divorce looks like!
I will probably be around for Mother's day with my WW and DD. I just commit to keep the talk business-like and not get wrapped up with other stuff.
Do whatever makes you happy!
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."
Last year was my first Mothers Day post S and the girls and I made a huge breakfast together and ate it in my bed. It is lovely making new traditions.
I'd personally not spend it with XMIL unless she has been of great support to you and X isn't there.
I think it is confusing for the kids. D means a new family dynamic - it takes time to get used to a new normal. I didn't want to send mixed messages or give them hope that we'd get back together.
Plus emotions are too raw right now. Not to mention X is being a dick.
What happens next year or another year when he has a GF there? Will you base your plans on wether or not he is coupled? Will you spend Father's Day with XFIL or X? Most likely no.
I would focus on building new memories rather than trying to hold on to the old ones. IMHO it isn't feasible to continue them long term so why delay the inevitable. I think it bothers us much more than it bothers the kids. My girls don't even notice.
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
We spend time with my mom and do whatever we want. Usually, it's a movie and a special dinner. We might do a fancy brunch this year. Doesn't matter, as long as we are together.
They are excited to give me whatever they made for me in school. My exWH also takes them shopping for me. They just get small gifts like a flower and some nail polish, but I believe that's still his job. He's still their father and it's his job to help teach them to be thoughtful, respectful people. I do the same for father's day.
My exwh's mother has passed and she never lived near us so I don't know how to handle the kids and MIL. My thought would be to have them give her a small gift and a card - your stbx should be the one to help facilitate that for his mother - and they can call her to acknowledge and wish her a happy day.
If you are really feeling nice and she wants to see them for a bit, you can let her. At the same time, you do not have to participate in some big family event. This is your day and it should not be tainted with sadness or uncomfortable feelings. This is divorce. He has to see the reality - you will share children and broker for their time from now on. Togetherness and big events as one don't take place anymore and for him to want or believe that is completely unrealistic. Maybe one day, way down the road, you can heal enough to be in the same room with these people without feeling Iike your heart is being ripped out. For the foreseeable future, that's not going to happen.
As with everything else, protect yourself and your emotions. Draw your boundaries and stick to them.
I guess I need to start thinking about it as if WH isn't still living here. What would my expectations be?
My oldest will be home from college for the summer by then, so she will be able to take them out to get a gift. I'm sure she will take charge of that situation!
In regards to my MIL. She has mothered me more than my own mother ever did. (My mom left when I was 8) MIL has been a rock for me throughout this A. She is one of the kindest people I know. I will try to see her with the kids at some point that weekend or the day after, perhaps.
My day. I'm going to plan accordingly.
We continued that tradition for 6 years, till the oldest kids went to college. Thinking about it still brings a smile.