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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: one week ago my life was shattered
trikemom2014
♀ New Member
Member # 43184
Shocked  Posted: 9:56 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One week ago,Saturday, I found out that my husband of 25 years was having an affair with one of his clients, who also happens be a photographer, on the side. I am trying to keep my sanity, as I have two kids, one with Autism, and one with adhd. I found out via texting on an old phone. Apparently, this affair was concluded at the end of 2013, but starI threwed when I was hadaughter ta hysterectomy in 2012. I am still trying to piece it all together. I'me is very vague on details, due to the fact she is a client. But sure what he was thinking, he could lose his job and his licence. The story is so far out there, it is ridiculous. In the messages, he tells her many times how much he loves her. Ofcourse, I ask, do you, he said no, I said, wtf. So Ofcourse, I am trying to get information on when, why. I researched her, as her business is all over the internet. She is freaking married. I want her to hurt as much as I do, but cannot and will not involve her or her unassuming hubby.. She referenced me, my children, and oh lucky me, I had the pleasure of seeing pictures of her naked body. Yes, i threw up.. She has a daughter as well. She referenced my husband, as her daughter's other daddy. I'm sure her dad at home would be very upset, if he saw this aweful display of parenting. Not really sure how to grasp all of this. Both of my kids take alot of my time, and I work full time. I feel like the earth has cracked, and I am sinking further and further down. I dont have time for this emotional upheaval, I didn't even get to have a nervous breakdown when I was told my son was autistic. I understand that our lives will never be easy, but really,. oSo damn hurt. I cant even look at him.


Trike mom

Posts: 1 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: trikemom2014
Broken1Again
♀ Member
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry this has happened to you. Why do you feel you shouldn't involve her BS? I have news for you he is all ready involved. He just doesn't know it yet. I think he deserves to know his wife has been straying. Just like you deserved to know.

A good place to start is in the "Healing Library". Lots of good information there. What is your situation right now? Is your WS remorseful? Is he NC with the OW?


BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 861 | Registered: May 2011
ZedLeppelin
♂ Member
Member # 40895
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Expose this to the other husband.

Posts: 171 | Registered: Oct 2013
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, trikemom, welcome to SI, the best club no one wants to join.

I am so sorry you find yourself here, like you, we betrayed spouses were blindedsided by the person we put our faith and trust in.

I will echo the above posters that you should tell the other spouse. He has a right to know he is living a lie, and his must get tested for STDs (as should you).

This emotional roller coaster is extremely painful and exhausting, but you will get through it with time.

Your husband needs to go NC (no contact) with this woman immediately. No phone, emails, IMs, texts, nothing, nada. Totally transparent with all of his media, phone records, social media, etc. Accountability for his whereabouts at all times. Individual counseling to help him figure out what he was thinking and how he can fix this.

Counseling for you would also be a good idea.

Two books I highly recommend are Not Just Friends and How to Help Your Spouse Heal from an Affair.

Read the Healing Library. Chock full of information, and information is power.

Keep in mind that he owns his OWN actions. It has nothing to do with you, don't ever allow him to make excuses for his behavior.


Posts: 7476 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Helpless  Posted: 9:34 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Trike

Sorry you find yourself here. Please know that there are many kind people here that have lived through the horror that you are now experiencing.

They share their time and their stories in hopes that it can help others.

You have just been dealt the worst betrayal possible. The hurt and angst is indescribable to someone who has never experienced it.

Breathe for today. One day a time. It takes TIME. You are in shock and understandably so.

Please check out the Healing Library in the upper left hand corner. There is a lot of great information for you to read and absorb.

(((gently))) the OW's husband deserves to know. Wouldn't you want him to tell you if he had found out?

It is really new. Take it slow and post often.

We are here and we are rooting for you.

Good luck and God bless.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Apr 2013
Mac4
♂ Member
Member # 43122
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trikemom - sorry you find yourself here, but you have come to a safe place for good advice. My d-day is still fairly recent, so I will leave the quality advice to others. But I would encourage you to take care of yourself at this difficult time. The healing library and the FAQ's for the BS along witht he bullseye posts are all good to read.

Best of luck, you are not alone.


BS me 41
WW 42
Married 11 years
R for now I guess
DD 9 & DS 8
DDay 2 (PA) - March 3rd, 2014
DDay 1 (EA) - July 2nd, 2011

Posts: 91 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I echo the rest - the right thing to do is tell her husband. He has a right to know his reality, don't you think? Just as we all do.

Just brace yourself because cheaters always lie when they're first caught, and give you a very watered down version of the minimum truth. Unfortunately most of us were trickled-truthed as the months went on, and it's not fun.

Welcome to SI and please know you're not alone.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1723 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
traditoperanni
♀ Member
Member # 32660
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trikemom,
So sorry this has happened. You are getting great advice so please consider what has been said. Having gone through myself, remember to keep an open mind because you
are going to get a lot of bs from your WH.
This is when the lies really surface.
Take your time to consider your options and please
rethink telling ow's bh. If that doesn't rain on their parade nothing will.
Read the healing library and consider IC for yourself.
Take care.


Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet

Posts: 428 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
DepressedDaddy
♂ Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take care of yourself and your children. Use them as strength if you need to. Do whatever you can to just power through this very difficult time.

As you will read and see, everyone on here would prefer not to be in this situation, but we are. We all survive. It will feel sometimes like you just can't take it anymore. You can. You will. Know that we are all here for you.

Every minute, leads to every hour, which leads to every day, thus getting us to the next one. Just take care of yourself.

As a BH, my WW came clean to me with her A, but she was not going to had the OM's wife not found out. The OM's wife was going to tell me if my WW didn't. This is very common and you will see everywhere on this site. Do what you feel makes you comfortable, but also think about if you would want to be told if the OW's husband knew what happened.

Come here and come here often. You'll make it. You'll survive. You'll be resilient. You will recover.


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 712 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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