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Newest Member: Questiounanswere (45696)

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User Topic: 4 years in, another dday
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all again, I cant tell you what your responses mean to me.

In thinking on this today a thought occurred to me. Just popped into my head as i thought of something he said yesterday.

Of course, as much as i tried to not even acknowledge he was here, we did end up discussing/argueing this latest revelation.

When I accused him of not being honest with me when i had been telling him i needed this from the beginning, he said "I wasnt then, but I am being honest with you now".

It wasnt until today when I was thinking more clearly of what we had said the night before that I realized he was being honest.

The subject came up as something random we had been talking about which led to such an awkward moment between us that i knew I had stumbled on something. That in itself was very weird, I hadnt experienced it before. Anyway, the awkwardness led me to ask of the length of his affair and he admitted what he did.

He could have lied again, I would never have known, but he chose to tell the truth. At this point in the game, he had nothing to gain by telling the truth and actually risked much by doing so.

In thinking this, I'm more confused. Yes, I shouldnt have had to wait so long for this and it still makes me angry, but I cant negate the fact that he did do the right thing by being honest.

It was unwayward behavior on his part. Huh! Isnt that something?

Does anyone think I'm making excuses for him or is there a valid point in my ramblings?

Myself, I'm thinking I'm not excusing cause I'm still ticked it took so long. in a sense, I understand why waywards tt. self preservation, the desire to not let the bs know how bad the ws's were. I even believe that for those ws's who are remorseful, they do want to avoid inflicting yet more pain. In the case here, my guess is he tt'd for all those reasons.

as for mocking me being here, he can go shit in a hat, I'm staying

Honestly, for the long road this journey is, I'm very thankful to have you all for support. After this much time, ppl get so tired of hearing about your problems and there is noone irl to bounce these things off of.

I look forward to your input on my thoughts as always.

Posts: 678 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didnt mention in my post last night that even with trying to acknowledge that he did tell the truth, it has not changed my mind as far as ending our relationship.

thanks all

Posts: 678 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Isn't it so nice when they finally tell the truth or at least part of it? By the time my H told me the truth or at least his version of it I discovered it just didn't matter anymore. He could take a lie detector test and pass and it still wouldn't matter. The damage is done and I know he wouldn't know how or even try to repair the damage.

It is hard not to want to give it just one more try but I'm with you. Time for a new life.


Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
♂ Member
Member # 43031
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even with 'full disclosure', and assuming there is still hope of saving the R, there is still a time period (sometimes long, sometimes longer, lol) that will have to pass before the Betrayed knows that it was a true full disclosure, or even before the betrayed can truly decide if they can stay.

BSO -me 38
WSO - her 30
2x DD ages 6 and 4
D-day #1 APR08 (supposed ONS w/OM)
D-day #2 1JAN13 2x ONS w/OM and OW, and a ONS
D-day #3 22APR14 (admitted to another ONS that she didn't fess up to during DDay #2)

Posts: 164 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 24
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