I too read my BS's first post on the site. Very quickly I realized that reading what he wrote, and how others responded to him was only hindering my healing process.
In the responses to his first post users called me a psychopath, encouraged him to pack my sh** and kick my ass to the curb,to divorce me and only possibly date me IF I showed major changes, and informed him that he was in love with a person who does not exist. It all HURT, badly.
How could these people who are only seeing a chapter in the book about Wayflost judge me so harshly? How could I be the monster they all immediately called me? Was any of it true? I can tell you that I am not a psychopath. Nor do I have psychopathic tendencies. Am I selfish? You bet.Did I do things without regard for my BH and his feelings? Absolutely. Did I need to see what other people in acute pain thought about my situation? No. Not even a little.
I do not read what my BH writes. I don't actually know if he has posted at all in the last 4 months. I don't need to see what he is being told about me. Our profiles are not linked in any way. Maybe one day when I am further into the healing process, my own and of my relationship, then maybe I will be able to view the responses objectively. Understanding my BH and what he is going through is high on my list of priorities, but I choose to do it with the help of our MC.
There are various attitudes by people here on SI about whether they look at each others posts. You two should discuss it between you, but I encourage you to make up your own mind as well.
[This message edited by Wayflost at 12:58 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]
Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.
That's not a 2x4, it's my observation based upon your language. Affairs are selfish behavior by self-centered people, so I get it. It's gonna take you awhile to shake that off, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and start *really owning* your behavior. Right now, however, you seem to be regarding this whole thing as "something that happened to you." Something you can *fix.*
I have never cheated on her any other time than what we're talking about.
So only twice, then. Uh...congratulations?
I realize now that we should've been working hardcore on ourselves
Right, because now you're gonna start the work! Books are ordered! MC's booked! You're "determined" and "desperate" to recover your integrity!
I hope (MC) is a miracle worker.
There are no miracles in R. Just hard work. If chefwifie gives you another chance, it'll take a year, or two, of your self-motivated, consistent actions, before she even begins to relax and start trusting you again. Do you have what it takes, to put in that kind of long-term effort, with little to no short-term reward?
I did not want my husband to wallow in pain or to sufer.
I wanted him to figure out why he wanted to explode his whole life into slivers! I wanted him to fix himself and be the man that I married.
[This message edited by Unagie at 11:47 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]
No longer together
Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.
Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.