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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Learn to I D and avoid toxic people
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The 10 Types Of Toxic People That Mentally Strong People Avoid (an article from Buddhist Vision)

Other individuals affect us more than any other factor in the world. They are the most unpredictable, the most mysterious and the most exciting ó at least, some are. There are other types of individuals, however. There are those who are more toxic than they are precious. If you want to live the best life possible, you should surround yourself with the best people possible.

More importantly, you will want to avoid all the toxic ones who will make you worse off for knowing them. Mentally strong people understand the importance and influence that human beings have on one another and use this knowledge to their advantage. The mentally strong arenít flawless and arenít impervious to all. With enough damage coming from enough sides, even the strongest will fall. The trick is to plan ahead and avoid those that make up the worst of the worst:

1. The Showoffs

Those who feel the need to be showy are always compensating for something and trying to prove their worth to themselves. Unfortunately for them, this is how you know they have little worth. Showing and trying to make other people envious is a waste of time, unless youíre trying to make yourself feel better about yourself at the expense of others. People that do such things are not the kind of people you want to keep around.

2. The Unintelligent

Iím not talking the kind of dumb that canít be helped; Iím talking about the kind of dumb that is a result of an immense ego, voluntary ignorance and self-righteousness. Most of us know at least one or two people who are completely unintelligent as a result of continually making bad decisions and not learning from their mistakes for their entire lives.

3. The Leeches

Growing up, weíve all had or been that friend who was always a bit broke and always happy to take a handout. When our friends are at a difficult point in their lives, thereís no reason not to help them out or to offer to pay for a few rounds of their drinks so they come out and have fun with the rest of the group. The problem is when the person seems comfortable in the position and is making little to no effort of improving their financial situation.

4. The Lazy

Laziness is a disease, one that is highly contagious. Lazy people make other people lazy. The more you hang around the immobile, the less you will feel the need to be mobile. The mentally strong are not impervious. Hang around lazy people too often and youíll notice your productivity and general enjoyment of life plummeting.

5. Anyone Who Lives By The Saying, ďYOLOĒ

Understanding that you only live once can put your life in perspective. In fact, it should put your life in perspective. Yet, the Biebers, Drakes and Mileys of the world somehow managed to get the message completely backwards. YOLO: Letís get wasted and high, do stupid sh*t, throw up all over ourselves and possibly die while weíre at it! Yes, YOLO. The whole origin of this saying doesnít suggest doing pointless, dumb crap. YOLO means you should spend your time doing something meaningful, with a purpose. YOLO: You have once chance; donít screw it up.

6. The Big Talkers

Those that spend their time running their mouths spend little time doing anything else. Itís the mentally strong that donít bother doing the talking because the work they are doing speaks for itself. The talkers, on the other hand, have nothing but the empty words theyíre speaking.

7. The Constantly Depressed
Not those that have an actual chemical imbalance, but those who act like they do. We all know people who are always feeling bad for themselves, always complaining about how difficult their lives are and how unlucky they are. Bad luck is not a lifelong circumstance. If your life sucks, then guess what? Itís mostly, if not entirely, your fault. Donít keep these folks around unless you want them to bring you down with them.

8. Those Who Stay Within Their Comfort Zones
If we wish to live a life of adventure, then those who arenít adventurous need be avoided. All those you meet and come across in your life are partners on your journey, if only for a few seconds. Those we keep around more regularly end up steering our direction more than we realize. If you hope to leave your comfort zone regularly, then donít hang out with those who arenít willing to leave theirs. Their chain simply isnít long enough to go for the ride.

9. The Non-Dreamers

Those who canít dream donít live. Life is about believing that things can be better ó not just for you, but for everyone. What makes people human is dreaming and hoping that the change to come will be for the better. Those that donít dream wonít allow you to dream, either, and will do their best to prove to you that your dreams are just that: dreams.

10. The Non-Believers

Worse than those who donít dream are those who dream, but donít believe that they can turn those dreams into reality. Those who donít believe in themselves donít amount to anything in life. They are the losers ó those that are always there, but donít influence the world. They live in a gloomy and depressing world where their lives are out of their hands. They go with the flow and never attempt to achieve any sort of success. Donít rely on them to support you when you need the support, either. If they donít believe in themselves, then they sure as hell wonít believe in you.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19804 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Williesmom
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Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7430 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

5. Anyone Who Lives By The Saying, ďYOLOĒ

Understanding that you only live once can put your life in perspective. In fact, it should put your life in perspective. Yet, the Biebers, Drakes and Mileys of the world somehow managed to get the message completely backwards. YOLO: Letís get wasted and high, do stupid sh*t, throw up all over ourselves and possibly die while weíre at it! Yes, YOLO. The whole origin of this saying doesnít suggest doing pointless, dumb crap. YOLO means you should spend your time doing something meaningful, with a purpose. YOLO: You have once chance; donít screw it up.

Not sure I agree here. It is a matter of degrees. The average person who has this attitude does not do Molly, twerk, drag race, vandalize. I am a firm believer in YOLO so I try everything I can within reason. If I didn't have that attitude I wouldn't have run a marathon at 46, never been a runner. Hiked Pikes Peak, went skydiving, entered a poker tournament, learned to scuba at 49 - all these things are YOLO.

Perspective is the thing. Using extremes to prove the average just not working on this one. I am happily teaching my DGD, as I did with my DS, try things once if you don't like don't do it again.

I will wait for the first person to say drugs, alcohol, blah blah blah to that I say - REALLY?!?!


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 982 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Crescita
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Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iím conflicted about this list. I like it in theory, but it seems really subjective, judgmental, and hypocritical. Who am I to say that someone else is lazy, or too comfortable, or not a dreamer and therefore not worth my time?

These traits are all on a spectrum. What's the tipping point? Everyone I know has some insecurities or flaws, myself included. Maybe Iíve just resigned myself to the ranks of the toxic and will never be a success.

[This message edited by Crescita at 4:26 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 3263 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Sad in AZ
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Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UIM: The author explains at the end of the paragraph:

The whole origin of this saying doesnít suggest doing pointless, dumb crap. YOLO means you should spend your time doing something meaningful, with a purpose. YOLO: You have once chance donít screw it up
.

Cresc: I agree that there is a wide spectrum of traits, but my interpretation is that the author was pointing out the 'worst of the worst'. For instance, we all have the friend who tries to hard to show that they can afford to have or do the best, but unless they are trying to make you feel bad, they're just that insecure friend and we deal with it because we love them.

To be honest, I sort of identify with #10 Nonbeliever. I've always had dreams that have gone unrealized because I didn't believe I could achieve them. But then, I've never discouraged or debased anyone else based on their dreams, so I don't think I'm 'toxic'.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 5:35 PM, April 22nd, 2014 (Tuesday)]


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19804 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So then why is on the Toxic people list.

Iím conflicted about this list. I like it in theory, but it seems really subjective, judgmental, and hypocritical. Who am I to say that someone else is lazy, or too comfortable, or not a dreamer and therefore not worth my time?

I agree it is a very blanket list and leaves no room for judgement.

This one gets me:
4. The Lazy

Laziness is a disease, one that is highly contagious. Lazy people make other people lazy. The more you hang around the immobile, the less you will feel the need to be mobile. The mentally strong are not impervious. Hang around lazy people too often and youíll notice your productivity and general enjoyment of life plummeting.

So if I think you are lazy because you aren't as active as me, you are toxic? There are plenty of ways to be lazy that having nothing to do with immobile. Pretty sure Stephen Hawking isn't really over the top mobile should I avoid him? Now just like my example this list is absurd.

I think she needs to change Mentally Strong to Judgemental


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 982 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oy lazy, in this case, has nothing to do with physical inactivity. Think in terms of the 7 Deadly Sins. Lazy equals Slothful. It's not about someone who can walk over a weeks worth of laundry without a second glance. It's about someone who, although able minded and bodied, can't be bothered to put in an honest day's work. And don't think I'm saying 'single parent on welfare'. Think 'welfare cheat'.

As I said, the worst of the worst.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 6:21 PM, April 22nd, 2014 (Tuesday)]


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19804 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Caretaker1
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Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Learn the cluster B personalities....stay away from those traits and behaviors.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
thebighurt
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Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A big one I think this overlooks is the person I have learned to avoid since being initiated into this club: the Negative person.

It takes only a brief time listening to that person and I'm outta there! Xpos is one of them and I have a close relative I try hard to minimize exposure to. Before DDay? I tolerated it, thinking it was my "lot". Now I can spot one easily and know I don't need to put up with it.

They constantly run everything and everyone down, especially something you like or do. They flip-flop on people. First they can be "great" and next time they are the worst example of humanity and they deny ever telling you otherwise.... a form of gaslighting. I could go on and on, but I'm beginning to feel weak from even this much toxic exposure.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2188 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Topic Posts: 9

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