Actually, Stillgoing, I don't think anyone told him he didn't have a right to be upset.
Posts I may have misunderstood:
The BW did all this over a year ago in the crazy, wtf, chaos, and anger phase after DDay. Why are you still bothered by her reaction? You charge her with misplaced anger, but what about you? Your resentment towards her seems like pot calling kettle here.
Im sorry you were caught in the crossfire of the BW's pain and anger. But your WW brought all of this upon herself..and you.
Don't blame her for her reaction, she was thrown into a meat grinder by your WW & her WH.
I'm probably not going to say anything that all the other poster's haven't said before, but your post really upset me.
Because, I would think that you as BH would understand completely the PAIN that BOTH your wife and her Husband, put us through.
In my case, the last thing I was thinking about in such a period of HELL, was how I was possibly hurting the other BH. Oh Yes, I contact the OW many times, I told her all kinds of horrible things, and I don't feel bad about it for one second. OW knew exactly what she was getting into and the possible consequences (not knowing how horrible I was going to react, if I was going to be violent, or whatever)- So your WW brought this onto YOUR LIFE.
There were various comments throughout the thread that pointed him towards similar sentiments. You are correct and I stated wrongly that everyone is telling him something; more hyperbole from me and I should reign it in, I apologize.
While you make an excellent point about standards, I don't think that simply because we have different standards immediately makes it unrealistic to expect people to abide by them. Standards are a means by which we view the world and make judgement calls.
You are very angry on this thread and thank you for swearing at me. The swearing at me is uncalled for and is mean and mean-spirited. It's as if you are mad at someone and taking it out on us/me here.
I meant that it's very American to immediately think "someone sent me a nastygram in the mail, I'll sue". There's no tort here. There's nothing to sue for. It's a petty way to retaliate, because threatening to sue is nothing but retaliation when nothing but your feelings are hurt it makes you no better than the person who is acting out against you. And if there's a criminal act, then *if* the police will arrest, you can tell AG you want to press charges, but if it's not a case to them, you'll be SOL.
I'm really sorry you are so upset. But none of us on this thread caused whatever is making you so angry. (And I've noticed you are angry in a lot of your posts on SI and for that I'm sorry too). This thread is a discussion about BS behaviors, which aren't always stellar, but if you claim you are a BS and can't understand where the less than stellar behavior comes from, you're being disingenuous.
I use the words "Fuck" and "Shit" with fair regularity; while I make an effort to edit myself in most cases, I generally assume I am among adults. That you may be offended by such language is not an issue for me because I was not employing it at you, I was employing it as my standard colorful vernacular. In short, I didn't mean to offend you, but I'm really not overly concerned if you are.
Further, I find it reflects on your character directly to paint the American culture with that brush, firing off that particular assumption without even pausing to consider why I might do that. I'm not sure what country you hail from but in the United States the courts deal with any number of civil and criminal issues that don't have anything to do with frivolous lawsuits, which may include but are not limited to stalking, harassment and threats. I could just say fuck it, storm your house, beat your husband half to death in front of you and your children but I'd prefer a civilized approach and deal directly with the authorities when available.
I understand perfectly well where the behavior comes from. As for my anger, maybe you are right, but I have a great deal of skepticism with regards to your professed sympathies for that in the wake of several direct insults.
I think I'm sidetracking way too much at this point and will back out now, but if anyone feels the need to help me figure out my displacement issues or culturally attuned need to file lawsuits over petty issues feel free to PM me.