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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Its hurting
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Went to an open mic event at a local bar with my daughter. After she sang my WW said r u giys going for ice cream? I said we could. She said she was going to stay at the bar. The bar was full of the kind of men she cheayed with. I know we r getting D. I know shes a cheater. But i felt abondoned. Y do i care? She has made it so clear she is done with me. Why do i feel so weak and afraid eight now. Its like further dying inside. I have been fairly strong but this moment felt awful. So i brimg it here and not in front of her.

I feel weak tonight.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Justin)))

I'm so sorry. That must hurt terribly. Further evidence for complete and total NC. Just because you are both somewhere does not mean you have to acknowledge or interact with her.

There were lots of other people there as well, I presume. You didn't talk with each and every one of them, right? Same deal.

I'm hoping to achieve this in the future when WH and I have to be at the same kid functions.

It hurts my feelings when I know WH is I with OW. I don't care if we are GETTING divorced, right now we are STILL MARRIED. I shouldn't care. I know it.

I do care. I feel your pain. Make your plan for next time. Protect thyself.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She did that for your benefit. She wanted you to hurt. That's the kind of shit The Princess used to do to me.

You feel weak, but you're not. She made the decision to leave this marriage long before you did, so she's had time to get used to it. It's all new to you.

It gets easier.

Access your Inner Hulk. Let your anger ride you through. Don't bother showing your anger to her (she'll just think it means you care), but use it as a blanket to wrap around yourself - to make you a little numb to her horseshit. There will come a day when you need to let your Inner Hulk go, but he can help you for now.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1990 | Registered: Jan 2013
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, she got a big ole ego kibble out of doing that to you.

Fuckher.

You are not weak...you have been betrayed and that shit hurts.
((((justinpaintoday))))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like a typical unremorseful WW trying to twist that knife further and show you she is still "in control" of you. Good on you for not showing her your pain and giving her the satisfaction. All the same, sorry you had to go through that. We got your back.


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1149 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
TrustedHer
♂ Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So i brimg it here and not in front of her.

^^^ This

How strong you are now, compared to just a couple weeks ago!

A couple weeks ago you would have talked to her, tried to convince her to leave, begged her to R, cried in front of her.

Today, even through the pain, you let her go, and you came here to be among friends who support you.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5164 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((justinpain)))) You're not weak, honey; you're hurting. Big difference. I promise you this gets better. I hope you can see how far you've already come.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25521 | Registered: Aug 2011
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Justin))

You are not weak! You are a vey loyal and loving husband. That can not be turned off like a switch. With time it gets easier... Specially when the WS is a jerk.

I had a hard time with that too. During our temp. Custody hearing the first question the judge asked was if I wanted to get divorced. I burst into tears and cried for a while. They had to take a break for me to calm down. By the time the divorce was completed (almost a year later). I was walking out confidently and there were no tears.

You will get ther in time... Be good to yourself. Give your daughter an extra hug tomorrow and take comfort that your Dd loves you very much.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Went to an open mic event at a local bar with my daughter. After she sang my WW said r u giys going for ice cream? I said we could. She said she was going to stay at the bar.

You did the adult responsible thing and went to have ice cream with your daughter. Your wife did the selfish teenage attention seeking thing and declined to spend time with your daughter.

To me, your the one with the strength to do the right thing. Your daughter is witness to this. She knows who the strong parent is. This pays off huge in the future.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 523 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Justinpain))))

Don't beat yourself up for 'weakness'. You capacity for love is a strength. It's not something your WW deserves anymore, but I would hate to see you feel it makes you a weak person.

I'm sorry tonight was hard. I hope the ice cream helped cheer you up at least a little! Remember, tomorrow is always a new day.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You actually are getting stronger & more in control of your emotions . . You just don't realize it yet.
What helped me at your point was visualizing my mind movies that I would control.....
For example when she decided to stay at the bar..smile & visualize her doing this doing this years down the road when she's say ...oh 80 something still trying to get adoration from strange men instead of being with a great guy (You!) for her whole life. Then visualize yourself now with someone who truly adores you.
I know it sounds silly but it so helped me get my emotions back under control & actually see what a great future lies ahead..the possibilities are endless..keep visualizing a better tomorrow & smile because you see what hers will become based on the path she has chosen


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 332 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jersey. Good advice thanks


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's great advice, Jersey! I wish I'd thought of that back when I was new.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1990 | Registered: Jan 2013
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She did that for your benefit. She wanted you to hurt.

Agreed. She knows the buttons. I find this all the time. When my stbx found out I did anything with a backbone, he would try and throw something that hurt in my face- like keeping the house.

You did the adult responsible thing and went to have ice cream with your daughter. Your wife did the selfish teenage attention seeking thing and declined to spend time with your daughter.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Jersey - this visualization thing sounds like a great idea! I'm gonna try it!


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 14

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