I am very fresh from telling my kids, just over a week ago.
My kids are DD28, DD26, DS22 & DD17.
I alone told them all separately and told them wh cheated. If they asked questions I was honest without too much detail. Just facts. I told them their father loves them and that I don't want them to hate their father....that it was me he hurt. I told them I tried to stay together as a family, but I just couldn't.
I decided to tell my kids separately, but in the same 24 hour period, for different reasons and without WH, part so they would be comfortable to ask questions if they wanted, and part because of the circumstances. But the one thing that I regret is that maybe the last one felt bad for being the last.
If I had to do it again I would have told the last two together and maybe even the 17 year old with them for support. I don't know about that one....I knew she would get emotional and then want to be left alone (which is what happened) and this would disrupt the conversation. My other DD26 lives out of town.
First I told DD26 over the phone, she lives out of town. She wasn't surprised by the separation and only a little surprised by the cheating.
Then I told DS22 ..he was not surprised about the separation and knew about the cheating. He saw when WH would have late nights and maybe even the no shows. He also heard some of the original "discussions" between WH and I after DDay. I guess he wasn't asleep and he has good ears.
DD17 did get emotional and wanted to be left alone. My oldest daughter was her age when WH left one time before. DD28 said it is a shock to hear that parents aren't perfect and to give her space and she would come around. She ended up cleaning her room that I have been after her to do for months , but she is still sometimes sad.
DD28 was not surprised about the separation and a little surprised by the cheating. I brought DS22 along to tell her, she does not live at home either. She was last because of an exam she had to write and I feel bad she was last. She did mention that she was last to which DS said it was because I wanted to wait until after her exam.
ALL of the older ones asked questions over days and where so supportive of me and yet still managed to not shut out WH. WH knows I told them and I said he should talk to them, but he hasn't, like I thought he wouldn't. Too much of a rugsweeper.
Good Luck and (((((((hopefulforus)))))))
You might be surprised by what they know or that they had ideas but wasn't sure exactly what was going on.
They appreciated me telling them the truth and they also said it would have been uncomfortable with the telling with WH present. Maybe that is just because of how my WH is tho?
I was very surprised by how much they already guessed or knew and also pleasantly surprised by HOW much support they all gave me in my decision to separate. And by their wonderment of how I could have been so patient, and calm with WH. They don't hate their father but I think they have lost respect for him.
PS You can PM me anytime if you have more questions