There are so many ways he could react to my confession, and every single one I can think of scares me, all in different ways. I wish there was a way to tell him, without hurting him.
Because he does not show his emotions. or talk about them. He bundles them up and hides them and then breaks down 5-10 years later.
The 25 in my user is because I didn't deal with any of the shit in my life until 25 years later and now I'm having to deal with all of it at once as my coping mechanisms eventually failed me. I can relate. I wish I had a magic bullet for you but there isn't one.
You have received excellent advice in all your threads. If there is one thing I want you to know, that as you are telling him, you are not alone. That both the WS and BS are there with you because it is the right thing to do. I know it's scary as all hell, but we will stand with you.
Good luck to you GF.
I'm so upset with myself, because I know that our trust has been broken. And it's horrible, because it's taken me these 3.5 years to get him to be fully open and honest with me. He does talk about feelings and what not more now then he did at the beginning of our relationship, but he does still hide things.
He suffered greatly as a boy with loss in his life, and it took me months to get him to talk to me about it, as he had told no one his feelings about it. He had been forced into counselling, but he never talked then either. He had 9 years of pent up anger and emotion when I met him. and now he's a different person. I'd like to believe he is happier now. But I hate that I'm going to crush him in a couple days. and bring him right back down to the first step. Back to not trusting anyone and keeping everything inside. I feel horrible for what I've done..
Do not forget what you did. I know you wish you could. I see that you tell yourself you won't forget. If you begin to put this in the back of your mind so soon it will come back to haunt you later.
I am not saying dwell on what happened. Remember what you did it was not a dream. I have counselled people who tell me "It does not seem real I just can't believe it happened". They box it up and store it away only to realize months or years down the road that they did not face it and deal with it.
Don't be that person. Talk to a counselor. Try to understand what is going on.