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Newest Member: Clorissa (44728)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Visitation issue
Newchapter
♀ Member
Member # 36525
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My son, 17 lives with me full-time, sees his dad (x-eh) every other weekend. Our agreement was that he picks my son up Friday evening and returns him Sunday evening.

Son has special needs and I drive him all over creation multiple times a week every week for his weekly treatment, therapy, etc.
I also manage all of his medical and educational needs among many other things. Ex-WH does squat other than attend a few obligatory meetings here and there, but that is pretty rare.

Ex-WH chose to move an hour away so he could buy a new house with his fiancÚ. He also forced the sale of our marital home, which resulted in my son and myself living in a hotel now for several months. I could go on about what an ass ex-wh is but I won't.

He is now claiming that I should have to drive my son to the halfway point instead of him coming here to pick my son up on Friday because my son has a singing class every Saturday morning around where we live. I consulted with ex-WH before signing my son up for the signing lesson and explained that on weekends he has my son he'll obviously have to drive him back here for the singing lesson on Saturday morning. There was no other time slot available for my son's singing lesson and the rest of his week is jam-packed anyway.

I told my ex that it was HIS choice to move an hour away and reminded him that i drive all over creation taking my son to treatment, doctors, etc. And, ex-WH has a company car and gets reimbursed for gas, i have a leased car and have to watch my mileage.

He is telling me that it is "unacceptable" that I will not drive my son to his house or halfway for his visitation. Would love to hear your thoughts.


Me: BS - 52
Him: WS - 51 NPD, 5-year LTA
Filed for D 7/2011

Posts: 81 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: North Carolina
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My thoughts are either crickets or the response "Tough noogies."


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Sep 2005
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What does your parenting agreement say about pick-ups?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7944 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Newchapter
♀ Member
Member # 36525
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What does your parenting agreement say about pick-ups?

Gonnabe, we don't have a formal written agreement regarding visitation because when our custody was mediated and the custody agreement finalized, my son was out of state in treatment and it was unknown when he would return home. The agreement states that when he did return home he would reside with me and we would agree upon visitation. So ex-WH and I just made an informal agreement via email that he would take him every other weekend from Friday evening through Sunday. PIck up wasn't discussed.

My thoughts are either crickets or the response "Tough noogies."

Tearsoflove, love your suggestion!


Me: BS - 52
Him: WS - 51 NPD, 5-year LTA
Filed for D 7/2011

Posts: 81 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: North Carolina
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I would respond with, I'm not able to facilitate your request. ( No, is a complete sentence) you can also go with, that will not work for me.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 865 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
Newchapter
♀ Member
Member # 36525
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I would respond with, I'm not able to facilitate your request. ( No, is a complete sentence) you can also go with, that will not work for me.

Thanks, betrayedfriend. I told him that in so many words and he responded "if you won't take DS halfway then I am not picking him up until Saturday."


Me: BS - 52
Him: WS - 51 NPD, 5-year LTA
Filed for D 7/2011

Posts: 81 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: North Carolina
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Document that Ex-Wh is declining visitation. Maybe it can lead to adjusted child support. Don't cave on the transportation issue or you'll find yourself doing more and more of the driving.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1657 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He moved, so he is the one who has to do the extra driving.

If YOU were the one that moved, YOU would be the one who has to do the extra driving.

He wanted to move so bad, he made the choice, HE can accomodate.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3314 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Jeaniegirl
♀ Member
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an ASS. I couldn't get past the part about your XH forcing the sale of your family home and how you and son are having to live in a hotel! WHILE HE BUYS A NEW HOUSE WITH THE FIANCE'. UGH!

Since you do all the driving all week, IF A**wipe doesn't want to take his son to the singing lesson, just keep your son at home and let his ass of a dad pick him up AFTER the singing lesson on Saturday.

Good luck!


"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 974 | Registered: Feb 2005
trustagain
♀ Member
Member # 16921
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since you do all the driving all week, IF A**wipe doesn't want to take his son to the singing lesson, just keep your son at home and let his ass of a dad pick him up AFTER the singing lesson on Saturday.

I was going to suggest the same thing. I would email X and say something like: Since you are unwilling to pick up DS on Friday evening and ensure that he is at singing lessons on Saturday mornings during your time, then the only other alternative is that you pick up DS from singing lessons on the Saturday mornings of your weekends and return him to me on Sunday. I am unable to meet you on Friday evenings with DS".


WH - 48
BS (me) - 50
Son - 25
Son - 17
Dday #1 - 10/31/07
Dday #2 - 12/23/07
Dday #1,000,000 - 12/23/09 - found out EA was PA
Reconciling or at least trying. We have reconciled through the A, but he still doesn't get it when it comes to p

Posts: 4472 | Registered: Nov 2007
Newchapter
♀ Member
Member # 36525
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an ASS. I couldn't get past the part about your XH forcing the sale of your family home and how you and son are having to live in a hotel! WHILE HE BUYS A NEW HOUSE WITH THE FIANCE'. UGH!

Jeanie Girl, Not only that but he did this knowing full well that my son was returning back home after being gone almost 2 years out of state in the hospital and residential treatment as he was very, very ill. This is the house my son grew up in from age 3. He was also fully aware of how difficult it would be for me to find a place because of our two dogs. So it's me, my son, AND our two dogs in the hotel for 5 months now. How he can come and pick his son up and each time, and then take him to his nice shiny new house with his fiance and drop him off back at the hotel knowing that HE is the reason we are here and how he can still sleep at night is totally beyond my comprehension!! Of course he lies through his teeth to my son when my son has confronted him about this, but he lies through his teeth about everything.

The reason why I am really needing him to pick my son up on Friday evening instead of Saturday after his lesson is because my son is VERY high maintenance and living with him full time takes a huge toll. I SO desperately need that break every other weekend not to mention that I can barely get anything accomplished when my son is here because I'm constantly running him everywhere and dealing with all sorts of stuff with him. Ex-WH lives his nice little life with his fiance in his shiny new house with not a care in the world while I run my self beyond ragged caring for our son and managing his treatment which is more than a full time job. Ex-WH is fully aware of how stressful it is for me but he could care less. I think his hope is that I will drop dead from all of the stress so that he won't have to pay SS or CS anymore.

[This message edited by Newchapter at 1:57 PM, April 24th (Thursday)]


Me: BS - 52
Him: WS - 51 NPD, 5-year LTA
Filed for D 7/2011

Posts: 81 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: North Carolina
HopeImOverIt
♀ Member
Member # 34517
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry. Welcome to my world. My Ex moved UNDER an hour away from the marital home, and declines to drive our children to weekend activities. Either they don't do the activity, or he declines to take custody until the activity is over.

Unfortunately I have no solution except suck it up and do all the driving and extra overnights myself.

Lawyers told me you that while you can make someone pay child support, you can't make them take custody.

Possibly you can ask for more child support based on more overnights (although I don't believe that is an option in my state).



Me: BW (50)
ExWH: (51)
2 teen-age boys
Divorced

Posts: 258 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: PA
Newchapter
♀ Member
Member # 36525
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HopeImOverIt, so sorry you have to deal with similar crap too! The money it would cost for me to try and get increased CS wouldn't be worth it, especially because we're not talking about a huge amount of time difference.

They are just so lovely aren't they?!!!!!


Me: BS - 52
Him: WS - 51 NPD, 5-year LTA
Filed for D 7/2011

Posts: 81 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: North Carolina
Topic Posts: 13

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