Topic: Help , Advice
Member # 43192
| Posted: 8:12 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
Ok I really need some advice
She is no asking me for a 3 days in the house 3 days out of the house , so I leave for 3 days then she leaves for 3 days , becasue she wants time alone and space to figuer out what she wants ? She thinks this is for the best also for the kids . I don't like the idea at all , we have dealing with this Since November was my Dday . And know she wantsa this to see if she still wants the marriage. And she can't figuer things out with me and her being around each other
[This message edited by funnyguy at 9:01 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]
Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
Member # 24719
| Posted: 8:21 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen
Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Member # 17484
| Posted: 8:21 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
Are you going to L.A, or by bus?
Posts: 6617 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Member # 20563
| Posted: 9:51 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
I would tell her, you move out and see how you like it. You might get some great feedback in the divorce forum about this. Lots of the people there have tried this and other options.
Him- FWS (I hope- F)
Posts: 6587 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Member # 42192
| Posted: 9:54 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
If she wants to leave, let her. If you don't want to leave, don't. It's her that wants this. If she ants the space why should you leave the marital hone. I read your other thread... Sounds like she's sitting on the fence.
May be time to push her off?
On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014
Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Member # 39134
| Posted: 10:07 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
I agree if she wants to leave, she needs space she should move out.
It would be harmful to the kids to have parents keep appearing and disappearing, packing and unpacking, leaving, coming, going.....
And she made this mess, you should not have to leave your home because of it.
And it is you who needs to decide if you still want her not the other way around. As of now there is not a marriage there is a WS keeping her options open with you. You deserve better than that. Your kids deserve better than that.
Hugs to you funnyguy, you are living in a painful situation and you deserve better.
Push her off the fence.
DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)
Posts: 491 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 42662
| Posted: 10:13 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
Forget her, you can't control her.
Decide just how much you want to take of this. Do what YOU want.
No way I would leave my house personally. If she wants space she should figure out how to get it for herself without disturbing you. Time to stop letting this situation revolve around her. She should not be driving the train, you should be IMO.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
Posts: 95 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 24210
| Posted: 10:19 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
I don't like the idea at all
Trust your gut!
Different arrangements work for different people but I agree with you....this sounds like a cluster####.
I would be very careful what you consent to as it sets precedent for the future.
Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
Posts: 2137 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 6449
| Posted: 10:36 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
Hi funnyguy, I don't know your story, there's nothing in your profile, so...is she still cheating? The "I need time alone to figure things out" line is most often WS speak for "I want more free time so I can do what I want to and my spouse won't find out"!
She either wants the marriage or she doesn't. She doesn't need to separate to figure it out.
Since YOU don't like this idea then DO NOT go along with it. You're just giving her more power over the situation if you go along with this. Tell her it's unacceptable to you.
My H used that line on me before I knew anything was going on with him and the mow but I was very suspicious about it. I told him he was either in the M or out and if he wanted to separate then I'd just file for D. He changed his mind about separating but continued his adultery on the sly. Keep your eyes wide open.
~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
Posts: 9730 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Member # 8873
| Posted: 12:34 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
Dude, give her 7 days a week out of the house until she decides. She can take a walk, and YOU can decide if you want her back or not.
Pack her shit and leave it on the porch, she can stay with her boyfriend.
Don't for one minute think that SHE gets to decide anything. You just pushed my buttons on this one!
There's nothing quite like coming home and your shit is in the front yard! She needs a smack upside the attitude. Go ahead, start packing it up, I'll wait.....
If that doesn't change her attitude in a couple of weeks, it wasn't going to work anyway.
[This message edited by twisted at 12:36 PM, April 24th (Thursday)]
"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Posts: 893 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 31240
| Posted: 3:29 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
Are you the BS or WS?
In any case, no matter who did what, you need to negotiate what you'll actually do. If she wants to leave, you can't imprison her. If you want to stay, she can't force you out.
If you can't come to an agreement on your own, I'd say it's time for a lawyer. In fact, it may be time for a lawyer now, even before you hit an impasse. Forcing her to make up her mind now may make her choose D. Of course, bringing in a lawyer may result in kicking the WS out.
fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.
Posts: 10167 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
|Topic Posts: 11|