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User Topic: What we never wanted
♀ Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had a discussion with fWH at the beginning of the week and asked if there was ever anything that was a line in the sand for him, a dealbreaker? What was one thing that he always said he wouldn't want, wouldn't tolerate out of a wife? The only thing he could come up with was "arguing." He never wanted a marriage full of disagreement. Isn't that some funny $hit. Anyway, I asked if I had an affair would he stay with me as long as we were getting along and I treated him well. He said --- yes. It was more important to him that we got along than it was for me to be faithful. WTH?

For me, I always wanted a faithful marriage. I NEVER wanted a cheating spouse. From the time I was a little girl, I've known this. I have what I never wanted.

Oh, he has also decided he wants to come here to SI and read on the Wayward Spouse forum. I'm all for it. I think he's going to get the shock of his life.

BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it possible to have a marriage without ever having an argument? Two different people are not going to agree on everything. Of course, hopefully there is healthy discussion about the disagreement, not name-calling or putting the other person down.

Infidelity, on the other hand, ends marriages.

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he has skewed priorities.

Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 42822
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I never wanted? The last 20 years. So to go back and wish for what I missed I would have to say the feeling I wasn't hated. That I could be myself. No wonder I grew to hate myself.

Having a bad day today. Just over all this and reverting back to that hopeless feeling. WH seems to be trying. I just can't help but feel it is too late. I learned years ago I don't need a man to feel good enough. The one man I wanted, I feel hated me all this time. I should have worked on "me" before we got married. It may have made me see I should have left him and his angry attitude. So yeah, I know now that I never wanted to be in a M unless I knew who I was and what I could bring to it.

BS me 49
WS 42
OW easy NSA he says he told he was single
9 mo A
DDay 1/3/14
TT 2 wks later
still waiting for the rest
Married 11 yrs
Together 20
In house S, Divorcing

Posts: 74 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Southeast US
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the pain today. The stupid things they say to deflect and minimize their choices.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only thing he could come up with was "arguing." He never wanted a marriage full of disagreement.

He's going to be doing some work on Conflict Avoidance, right?


Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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