How can I feel so strong one day and then the very next day feel so weak? Why do I have this overwhelming urge to just run yet the need to be held at the same time.
That's a pretty typical feeling for those of us who are going through this trauma. I don't know your story and don't know how fresh it is for you, so I can't give you an answer. (Even if I knew your story, I still couldn't give an answer because its still so fresh to me).
I just wanted to let you know that someone understands how you are feeling. We are being put to the test, but none of an A has anything to do with you, it has to do with the WS. It is his brokenness that caused all of this. He wasn't thinking about you at the time, only himself.
Go hug your girls and keep them close. Take care of yourself and your girls.
((hugs to you))
I wish I had better advise, but figured if I respond it will bump up your post to others who are more capable.
But I feel the same. I want the same asshole who caused me so much much pain, to hold me and.comfort me. You're not alone. I hate this and honestly don't wish it on my worst enemy.
Sometimes you just have to hang on for dear life. Other times you struggle to get out of bed.
It does get better.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
Remember that we are here for you. There is always someone on SI that will listen and support. No abandonment here. You have become a member of a new family that gets bigger everyday. We cannot undue the hurt, but we can definitely grow from it. If you look back in some of my earlier posts, I felt hopeless, I felt lost, I felt extremely hurt, I felt scared. Even though my WW and I are getting a D, I have gotten to more of a point of acceptance. I feel I have really turned a corner. I feel that I am learning who I am and who I want to continue to become. The moment that you get 2 good days in a row is a fantastic feeling. Then you'll want 3, and so on.
Keep up the hard work. It does get easier!
The good days will come.
Eventually you stop constantly asking how they could do it, because you will realize there is no good, satisfying answer, and you will make peace with that.
Your girls will make you smile, will grow and laugh and make you proud.
Your strength will impress you but eventually your ability to be 'weak'--to feel with honesty and authenticity, deeply--will become impressive too. It shows the depth of your love and care and proves you are a person blessed to experience things in full, without running or hiding from the pain.
Just be kind to yourself and know that the crazy up and down feelings are normal and will level out.
Sending peace and strength. You got this.
Together 7 1/2 years
DDay: April 11, 2014