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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: One day to the next.
Kisabiotch
♀ Member
Member # 43175
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can I feel so strong one day and then the very next day feel so weak? Why do I have this overwhelming urge to just run yet the need to be held at the same time. What I have done in my life that was so terrible that I deserve this? I am a good person with a heart bigger than most. Is this some kind of mental test , like let's see how strong she really is and those giving the test sit back and laugh when I break. What do I need to do to make it stop. I just want 2 good days in a row so I have something to look back on and say see it's not all bad. How could somebody who is supposed to love me do this to me? How could he do this to our girls who always thought of him as their hero? I don't understand !!!!!

Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2014
Mhiimg65
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can I feel so strong one day and then the very next day feel so weak? Why do I have this overwhelming urge to just run yet the need to be held at the same time.

That's a pretty typical feeling for those of us who are going through this trauma. I don't know your story and don't know how fresh it is for you, so I can't give you an answer. (Even if I knew your story, I still couldn't give an answer because its still so fresh to me).

I just wanted to let you know that someone understands how you are feeling. We are being put to the test, but none of an A has anything to do with you, it has to do with the WS. It is his brokenness that caused all of this. He wasn't thinking about you at the time, only himself.

Go hug your girls and keep them close. Take care of yourself and your girls.

((hugs to you))

I wish I had better advise, but figured if I respond it will bump up your post to others who are more capable.


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Raspberry
♀ Member
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I replied to this! :(

But I feel the same. I want the same asshole who caused me so much much pain, to hold me and.comfort me. You're not alone. I hate this and honestly don't wish it on my worst enemy.


Posts: 145 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"What I have done in my life that was so terrible that I deserve this? I am a good person with a heart bigger than most. Is this some kind of mental test , like let's see how strong she really is and those giving the test sit back and laugh when I break. " Boy, I cannot tell you how many times I asked myself exactly this ! I didn't deserve it and you probably don't, either. After so many people telling me how 'this would make me stronger,' I finally started saying, "I was / am strong enough! I didn't / don't need this." I got soooo sick of hearing how much stronger I would be. All I can tell you is, one day it does get better, then a 2nd day is better, then the 3rd day is better….. you'll get there. It isn't an easy climb but you will get there.


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 504 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not for nothing that our feelings after something as traumatic as infidelity is often compared to an emotional roller coaster.

Sometimes you just have to hang on for dear life. Other times you struggle to get out of bed.

It does get better.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Mhiimg65
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After my evening, I wanted to add.... If you don't feel strong, it's OK. If your WS doesn't get it, it's not OK. But, if your WS is still in the fog... you may be on your own for a while.
So, please post here. The right people will help.
I know my H loved me. But he did things that were so wrong. It was a problem with him, not me. We are working on our marriage problems, which I didn't know we had until the STUFF happened, your H can still be a hero to your girls. He's just SH**t in your eyes right now. He can be a lousy H, but still be a good father. Hold that thought until something better comes along.
No child should have to suffer the consequences of whatever you are dealing with.
(Kisabiotch)) I hug you.


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
DepressedDaddy
♂ Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're in good hands. 5 months ago when I started reading other people's posts and coming here for support, everyone would tell me that it would get better, I would find some clarity, there would be times that suck and that SI would always be here for me. I was so hurt and in pain with what my WW did to me and my DD. I was hurt that she would go outside of our M to satisfy emotional and physical needs. I was hurt that this person that I had been married to for over a decade, became this different person overnight. I was hurt. Period.

Remember that we are here for you. There is always someone on SI that will listen and support. No abandonment here. You have become a member of a new family that gets bigger everyday. We cannot undue the hurt, but we can definitely grow from it. If you look back in some of my earlier posts, I felt hopeless, I felt lost, I felt extremely hurt, I felt scared. Even though my WW and I are getting a D, I have gotten to more of a point of acceptance. I feel I have really turned a corner. I feel that I am learning who I am and who I want to continue to become. The moment that you get 2 good days in a row is a fantastic feeling. Then you'll want 3, and so on.

Keep up the hard work. It does get easier!


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 811 | Registered: Dec 2013
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You never deserved this.

The good days will come.

Eventually you stop constantly asking how they could do it, because you will realize there is no good, satisfying answer, and you will make peace with that.

Your girls will make you smile, will grow and laugh and make you proud.

Your strength will impress you but eventually your ability to be 'weak'--to feel with honesty and authenticity, deeply--will become impressive too. It shows the depth of your love and care and proves you are a person blessed to experience things in full, without running or hiding from the pain.

Just be kind to yourself and know that the crazy up and down feelings are normal and will level out.

Sending peace and strength. You got this.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Desirelily
♀ New Member
Member # 43166
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the exact same way Kisabiotch. I wish there was some easy answer or some medicine we could take to make us feel better but I think that medicine is just time. The only silver lining that I have come up with so far is that we are the good guys here. Everybody here has a big heart and know how to love and care. I would much rather be the person who can experience love on the level that we do than the cheaters that will never know how that feels. Hang in there, I'm having a strong day today so I can say that.


Desirelily

ME: 31
WBF: 36
Together 7 1/2 years
2 doggies
DDay: April 11, 2014


Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2014
Kisabiotch
♀ Member
Member # 43175
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much for your sweet words and support it really does make a difference knowing I'm not alone and that I can come here for support. I may not reply to every post but I do read them and feel so grateful for each reply knowing that you took the time to reply to me. You all have shown me a strength a didn't know I had . I don't know what the future holds but I do know what I need to do to heal and to accomplish what I want . My dream would be R but if WH can't take the steps that I need him to take then I must move on for me . Thank you again !!!

Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 10

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