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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Advice
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So at the end of the day she isn't gonna leave and is gonna think about quiting her job.

She is going to think about quitting her job?? That is the best she can do? And she says that she can't believe YOU want leave the house for 1/2 the week when she will not put in even the smallest effort to go NC? wow, entitled much?

I am still advising you to talk to a L. I don't believe for a second that she will quit her job. She only said that to placate you and buy herself more time to cake eat.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly she was never going to leave, she was setting it up so that she could eventually push you out. I am sorry to say that. Don't EVER leave the house, period.

And this 3 days on 3 days off, where did you think she or you would go on the "off days"? That does not even make sense.

Thats the crazy part of all of this is it makes you so crazy that you don't think straight.

Listen to the people here even if you don't want to. Trust us. Follow these steps and show her you will not lay down and die and you will not put up with her disrespect. STAY in that house. Even if it means an in house separation.


Posts: 5684 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm to the point if she won't leave and decide if she wants this , then we sell it and go our separate ways until otherwise. I said that and she thought that was crazy ,

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OM works out everyday at her Gym and that is where my wife also works and also works out at. The OM wife already knows and is leaving him. Becasue this is his 2nd or 3rd affair. He is also the one that has sent texts and emails to me about things that her and him only know about but he keeps denying it , but no one else knows , its like he is trying to drive me right out of the marriage. The sad Part is I also was a member at the same gym and it was going on right under my nose , I quite that gym

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also have this feeling that I'm the bad guy for asking her to quite the gym so we can move on. and as usual she says its the only thing that is keeping her together and is her only independance

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well my latest update is she isn't leaving, and she isn't quiting her job anytime soon, So I had IC this morning, and he said seems I'm at my breaking point. What do you do when she won't leave the house this find out what she wants. I said thats fine lets sell the house and go our separate ways untill otherwise.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
one2ndchance
♀ Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She won't quit her job because she wants the OM...not you. She doesn't want to sell the house because she doesn't want to be inconvenienced right now. She's making her plans to leave you and you are giving her the time to do so.

If she does not want to sell the house, you will have to see a lawyer and file for divorce to force the sale.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much , this has been all so real

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well everyone hear gave me the strength and I told her to go to hear moms and figuer her shit out , and come back when you want the marriage,
She said me and my freinds can't believe I'm not the one leaving so I can give her more time and space, usually its the man. we haven't really talked since ,

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The past 2 weeks allot more people know and some of my freinds have been reaching out and I have been going for a few beers and talking to them for support , and boy oh boy is she mad. She said I can't belive your going out with them and you don't even hang out with them much , I said sometimes in a crises moment people reach out to people and she said , whatever

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She said me and my freinds can't believe I'm not the one leaving so I can give her more time and space, usually its the man

Who gives a flip what her friends think. Hell, one of her "friends" is probably OM. Besides, she is wrong. Usually the one that CHEATED is the one that leaves.

You need to just stop talking to her. Go 180 and NC as much as possible.

Stay strong!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She said me and my freinds can't believe I'm not the one leaving so I can give her more time and space, usually its the man. we haven't really talked since ,

RYFKM???

Sorry, you stupid, lying, cheating twit. We got this man's back. We're speaking truth into his heart. You don't get to manipulate him anymore! You're the cheater. You need to go.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9852 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stay strong. SHE needs to leave. She is the one that bailed on the marriage and cheated. Stay and take care of your kids.

Consult a lawyer ASAP.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
funnyguy
♂ Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm trying to stay so strong but man its hard as shit, she constantly twists all my words around , Its like I can't even say one word right.Allot of things have come to light for in the recent days, for her to react like that becasue some of my old freinds are reaching out is bullshit and between all of the harrasment I think she has never let go and thats what continues to fuel this guy.its crazy the guys wife even works out at the same gym. It has been the roughest few days of my life sometimes it seems worse than DDay when you start to think of all the little things. she has not even ever givin me details of anything of when where how long it lasted.This website has been the best thing for me , I couldn't imagine where I would have been if I found it earlier. She even said to me I don't know what has gotton into you latley but you have changed . I said I finally have grown some balls.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love to hear that brother.

now, use them, file for divorce.

let her worry about s*** for a while.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3022 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She doesn't want to face that this is all on HER so she's trying to blameshift and make it about YOU. It is crazy-making for sure! Just block her out. Fuck. That. Noise.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she constantly twists all my words around , Its like I can't even say one word right
Get a pocket mini tape recorder first thing tomorrow and tape record every word said.

And the part where she states that she and her friends cannot believe you are not moving out, it's usually the man.

NO, NO and NO, it is usually the one having the affair and the one that wants to continue having the affair that moves out.

Kind of makes you wonder what lies she is telling her friends.

Stay strong, otherwise she will wear you down with her contradicting nonsense. She also seems to be very good at wasting time. All of this she needs time to figure things out.

That would worry me. She needs time to get her ducks in a row. You really need to get your ducks in a row now and be ready to move on. Her wasting time could be her plan and that could present a problem.


Posts: 4154 | Registered: Jun 2002
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Funny- when I really started listening to and leaning on SI, my stbx went nuts asking why I had become "such a bitch"...

I told him I'm done pleasing him and I'm only worrying about myself and my boys.

After he FINALLY realized that I'm not here wailing over him leaving me (which now, I'm really not) and that I am legitimately moving forward- that's when he came sllllinking back to hoover "please come back, I miss you, blabbedy blah."

If you ever want her back- stay strong and do not back down. The problem is, most likely, when that happens you'll see her for what she is and won't want her.

Stay strong. We're all behind you.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 38
Pages: 1 · 2

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