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Jrazz (original poster member #31349) posted at 9:18 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Caught Crazz in a lie/boundary breach. Not sure where it lands on the scale but I'm definitely feeling that DDay ice water in the veins and heart. I know I've posted a lot about struggling with wanting to work on the relationship, but it still hurts like crazy, it turns out.
I'm going to go ride my bike and think about all the things I'm grateful for. If you have some spare mojo/prayers/good thoughts, I think I need a nudge this afternoon.
Thanks.
[This message edited by Jrazz at 3:19 PM, April 24th (Thursday)]
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 9:22 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
((( Jrazz )))
I'm so sorry, hon. 
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
justinpaintoday ( member #42858) posted at 9:22 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Jrazz: sorry for the rough spot. R is not linaer right? Keep moving forward but trust your gut and spidey senses. If something seems amiss weed it out. Riding your bike...thats something to be thankful for in itself. Your healthy and able to enjoy the outdoors.
Prayers and support
I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 9:23 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
(((Jrazz)))
I've seen few on here work as hard as you do to make this work, to give leeway, to love as hard as you can...you're in my thoughts, sweetie, and I'm sending love and support as always.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
Mochagurl ( member #14660) posted at 9:24 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
((Jrazz)) Sorry. Ride your bike and trust your gut.
Me: BS-56
Him: WS-56
Married: 36 years
Divorced: 11-17-15
DD 36, DD 26, DS 23, DD 20
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 9:27 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
And yes, you're definitely in my thoughts.
Sending lots of healing mojo your way.
((( Jrazz )))
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 9:30 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
You are always so kind and giving. I hope your ride helps you sort things out.
Mojo and support heading your way.
[This message edited by karmahappens at 3:30 PM, April 24th (Thursday)]
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
dameia ( member #36072) posted at 9:31 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
(((Jrazz)))
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I will send prayers, good thoughts, and mojo your way.
Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 9:32 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
(((Jrazz)))
So sorry to hear of this. Sending lots of mojo and thoughts your way.
hopefull77 ( member #43221) posted at 9:34 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
It is a beautiful day here in my part of California...get out and ride and feel the wind in your face!! In fact I think I'll
follow my own advice and get some needed Vitamin D myself...
me-BS him-WS
" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now."
Teach8 ( member #36521) posted at 9:38 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
(((Jrazz)))
Two steps forward one step back? I'm so sorry you are hurting. I hope the bike ride helps to clear your mind and thoughts. Sending thoughts and strength your way.
Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R
OnAnIsland ( member #34319) posted at 10:03 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
jrazz, sending you some good thoughts and wishes. i hope your bicycle ride helped you figure some things out. maybe formulate what you need to say and how to say it.
i am a huge believe in journalling it out too. i try to journal the things i have to be thankful for and the changes i see in mr. oai, and i journal when i can't figure out what to do or say. when something just isn't right but i haven't figured out how to address it yet.
thinking of you.
D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 10:07 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Mucho mojo sent your way. You know what you need.
Strength
(((Jrazz)))
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
BreatheAgain10 ( member #32657) posted at 10:22 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
(((Jrazz)))
I hope that bike ride helps clear your head and gives you some peace. I know bike riding for me had been the best therapy for my health, asthma, and my soul. Riverside county has some awesome scenic trails. Hope they do in your part of Cali as well. I pray you feel better!
"The beauty of your life being burned down to the ground is that you can rebuild it any f*cking way you want!"
BW: Me 37yrs WH: 32yrs
Multiple DDays. Lots of TT & lies. Last DDay: 02/07/2015
Tgthr 15yrs, Married 12yrs, in R
4 sons
tearingaway ( member #28618) posted at 10:31 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
You are in my thoughts, Jrazz. Sorry for the rough day.
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 10:31 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
(((Jrazz)))
I just love you so much, I hate that you're going through this again. If my heart is breaking I can only imagine how you must be feeling
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
CheaterMagnet ( member #33581) posted at 10:34 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Sending you strength and peace.
I'm so sorry.
If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 10:35 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Im sorry to hear this, honey.
(((((((Jrazz)))))))
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
DixieD ( member #33457) posted at 10:37 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
I'm really sorry. (((((Jrazz)))))
HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 10:45 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Aww, Sweetie. I'm sorry. This sucks.
Get some sun on your face and know that no matter what, you are okay.
(((Jrazz)))
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
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