[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 12:14 AM, April 25th (Friday)]
I truly believe it's rare for there to be love and affection between the AP's, more like selfish lust and self-entitlement.
[This message edited by timidhope at 1:14 AM, April 25th (Friday)]
Then I think what if there was someone out there who could be like him in the things that make us great friends and also have that something special that would make us soul mates and who would never even think of hurting me like WH. But that makes me feel like a wayward.
It sounds like maybe this is a deal-breaker for you. And if it is, that is ok. I think there is nothing WW in your thinking about what your H inflicted on you, your M & your DD's lives.
1) WH is delfecting and denying. Becuase of that he is placing unrealistic emotional bonds with OW. How else could he justify his actions. Admitting that he was throwing away everything for something that "wasn't amazing" would be a reality check that his brain couldn;t handle.
2) All shimny new toys are pretty and fun to play with. As life continues the cracks will show.
Then I think what if there was someone out there who could be like him in the things that make us great friends and also have that something special that would make us soul mates and ...
...I would have been able to live with it. What makes it a deal breaker is his treatment of me afterwards.
I hear you TCD, but for me it is not fear that keeps the status quo, but I am just too deep into the M right now. Leaving would cause so much collateral damage to my family that at this point that I stay in a M that is not bad. In my mind the potential benefits of being D from FWW do not outweigh the impact to the rest of our family. All that I can suggest to you is to shrink the role and importance of your M and relationship to TTMU in your life and put your energy into growing and expanding your life with your children, your friends, your interests (and your dog). At some point the time will be right and you will know.
What about YOU????
Why isn't you being stong, healthy, and happy all on your own a priority? You have to make you well. You have to learn to not need another person to find your true level of content, and happiness in the world. Once you do this the rest all falls into place. You don't need another for it, and if one happens to come along, and is great then you are able to have them fully, but if they aren't so great you know that you are fine alone, and can send them packing.
THIS is TRULY healing ones self from this shit. When you do this, life becomes much better.
Can I make a small adjustment to something you wrote?
I feel like OW and WH must really belong together because of what he was willing to do to me for her.
It wasn't for her sake that he hurt you. He was willing to do those things to you for himself.
He wasn't willing to sacrifice for some great love that's meant to be. He was willing to sacrifice for ego kibbles. The OW was just there and willing to provide them.