Belated Happy Birthday! Beautiful photos. Looks like the perfect time to be there. I was in the NP once as the saguaro blossoms were fading but never saw the others. So beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Are you in IC? That could and should help with self esteem. Xpos bulldozed and buried mine but my IC is helping me unearth it. I still haven't dated, almost 3 years out from DDay and over 2 years from D, but not as gun shy as you seem to be. I definitely don't want any deep relationship ties yet, but dating might be fun.
You need to see yourself like others do.