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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Need to talk
CantSeeInTheDark
♀ Member
Member # 43231
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never thought I'd have to do something like this. But I need to share and get advice. I feel that I've been so emotionally battered this year, I don't know which way is up or down.

DD1
A year ago. A found a text message on my H phone to a woman at his sporting club, and after further digging, emails. H admitted he had made a mistake and that nothing physical had happened. H said our family was worth saving. I believed him.

DD2
A couple of months after I saw FB messages and emails to OW number 2. They were more guarded. I only gave my gut instinct as to what went on. This time he denied it.

Wait for it...DD3.this weekend....OW3
Something hadn't felt right in a couple of months. I'd ask, he'd say nothing was wrong. I hate that I was resorting to snooping again. This time, the messages are to OW on the other side of the world, H trying to convince her to move here!!! Btw, they've never met.

Of course, because I looked at his phone...I'm the one in the wrong and can't be trusted.

I've spent the weekend crying. I'm now numb.
Help :(


Me 35y
Him 48y
1 Awesome son 3y

DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014

Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little


Posts: 110 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Gloucestershire
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not wrong for snooping. He is the one that lied to you, kept secrets, and betrayed your trust.

I hate that you have need to be here, but you have found a good place. I have no advice. Just hugs.

(((((((CantSeeInTheDark))))))))))


BW: 41
WH: 48
Married 18 years. SD: 25 from his 1st. M. DS: 20 from 1st M. DD: 16 (autistic)

D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.


Posts: 299 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CantSee,

I'm also sorry that you are here. There is some very good advice that was posted on this forum long ago, and which has been "bumped" to the top of the page because it continues to help many who have "just found out".

It also helps those of us who have been here for awhile to recognize what we may have done right and what we did wrong to draw out the process unnecessarily.

Please read it. It is titled "20/20 Hindsight. What I should have done when I Just Found Out"


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 774 | Registered: Feb 2012
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OP, you've been given the gift of sight THREE times. Three times - that you know of - he's been involved with other women (and there are probably many, many times you don't know about, unfortunately).

I'm awful sorry you're brokenhearted but the guy is a serial cheater and has no remorse at all for the constant pain he continually puts you through. He's shown you that over and over.

The pain and heartache stop when YOU say it does. Not him.

You.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1766 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
CantSeeInTheDark
♀ Member
Member # 43231
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Furious and Fighting Back.
I've spent most of the day just reading through this site.
I'm trying to find the energy to begin to deal with, but i don't think ive got any left. I'm really just waiting for my son to go to bed so I can stop pretending.

Latest update...
Inlaws attempted an intervention, which ended in them threatening to disown my H. Being alienated from his family is again, my fault, apparently.


Me 35y
Him 48y
1 Awesome son 3y

DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014

Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little


Posts: 110 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Gloucestershire
Trying2LoveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 43024
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too am SO sorry that you have a need to be here, but as another who is new to the site I can tell you that I've already drawn comfort, strength and hope from being here. I agree...it was NOT wrong for you to "snoop"! If he didn't have secrets from you, he should NOT be offended! He KNOWS he's guilty! In my personal opinion, "I" would not want to stay with someone that I felt was guilted into staying because someone threatened to disown him or used any other guilt tactic. I want to stay around because I'm loved and wanted! Maybe seeing a counselor would help? But please take care of YOU and your CHILDREN FIRST! If he WANTS to change and make your M work, HE will have to make that decision and do it. No-one can force him! Prayers and hugs to you! Hang in there..YOU ARE WORTH IT!


Me:BS
Him:FWH
2 DS:35 & 30 , 2 D Grandchildren
"Oh the webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive"....My WH quotes this often.
I found out about H's affair 25 yrs later.Mine is my own "Life is a journey, travel with Care."

Posts: 237 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New Mexico
Topic Posts: 6

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