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Newest Member: Momof3bz (44929)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Relationship Questions
sns53097
♀ Member
Member # 34598
Happy  Posted: 3:20 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

New update! I am in a relationship, and as cheezy as it sounds he seems to be my long lost twin. We get along great, and have most major life decisions in common. We have both been married and divorced. Him twice. We both have 12 year old daughters, and I have an 18 year old daughter. Everyone gets along, from us to the kids, and my parents love him.

He lives about 25-30 miles away from he. He in a house, me in an apartment. He works not too far from my house, but has animal responsibilities and works 10 hour days. So we mainly see each other on the weekends, but communicate via text and phone everyday.

The only frustration we share is wanting to see each other more. We have brought up moving in and getting engaged a few times, but neither of us want to rush things too much. What are some constructive solutions, or is it not too early to think these thoughts?

I don't remember how to date, or move the relationship along like this. LOL. I feel dumb being so clueless. Thanks for all help.


BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jan 2012
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds nice How long have you been dating?


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4158 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
sns53097
♀ Member
Member # 34598
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to put that didn't I? We started talking in December, officially in a relationship for about three months.


BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jan 2012
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally think 3 months is too soon to start talking about engagement. At the three month mark with my ex, I thought he was perfect. We agreed on every single issue. I didn't start to see the real him until about a year later. I think people can hold their breath, so to speak, for around a year. So I think you should take more time to get to know him.

Maybe spend whole weekends together? Or stay the night together during the week? Not sure if that's feasible, but that's usually the next step for me


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Jul 2013
sns53097
♀ Member
Member # 34598
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, we have spent whole weekends together. During the week just hasn't seemed to pan out. If I'm waiting for him to show me something I could be waiting a long time. The man I was married to took 15 years to flip on me. That's a long time to hide things.

Well, I guess it's time to hit the breaks. I feel a little dissapointed, but I don't want to rush either.


BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jan 2012
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree anyone can be a risk and change years into the future. But I think it's harder to keep up the lies for that long. I generally think people are on their best behavior during the honeymoon time at the beginning, and then the real person starts to show. But, just my personal opinion.

Can you try to set aside a day during the week to see eqch other? In my last relationship, we always saw each other Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Jul 2013
sns53097
♀ Member
Member # 34598
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish. His job is pretty demanding. He wakes up at 4, and works all day, so he goes to bed pretty early. If he stayed with me, then had to drive all the way home he'd be so exhausted the next day and I would feel terrible. I guess the weekends will just have to work.


BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jan 2012
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, three months is very soon! Every weekend sounds just right for where you are. Slow and steady wins the race. I'm sure some weekdays will end up creeping in there from time to time as you keep getting to know each other. But ease up on moving to the next step for right now and just enjoy where you are.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4158 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
sns53097
♀ Member
Member # 34598
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know why it's so hard on me. I feel like I'm not getting enough time with him. It is frustrating to me. Then on the weekends he usually has some sort of outside stuff to do, so we don't have a lot of time to just spend, you know? Thanks though. I guess maybe I need to take a step back and relax.


BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jan 2012
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hm...does he know you feel this way about weekends? Ask for more focused attention. That doesn't mean saying 'you can't do your outside work!'--just expressing you want the time you have together to be meaningful. And at three months, a little more 'romantic' time is called for. Life involves a lot of mundane tasks that can't be ignored, but dating someone takes an investment of time and energy as much as those chores do, too.

Communicating needs and making sure you are both focusing on each other is really important. Trust me, you really want that part to be right before you start moving forward!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4158 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yousaid in your 1st post you spend W/E together, then change to he has things to do on W/Es.

So how much of the w/E do you actually get to spend together? Can you go with him on the mundane tasks? Heck even grocery shopping can be romantic with the right person


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you happy when you're alone? Down time without him, I mean. Were you happy before you started dating him?

The urgency for more time together makes me wonder if you're finding an unhealthy amount of your happiness in him.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13738 | Registered: Jul 2011
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time. When I was dating my ex he was farther away and his schedule was extremely busy. That being said ask for more time or use it as an opportunity to slow it down.

Weekends are good but general life you can see more. A friend told me you have to see them in at least 10 different environments. 3 months primarily on the weekends is not that long.

Enjoy but sometimes and I mean sometimes to have normal life after infidelity and divorce feels normal but it really is too quick. See the person- if he is meant to be then it will work out.


Posts: 970 | Registered: Jul 2012
sns53097
♀ Member
Member # 34598
Happy  Posted: 2:50 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, not trying to be confusing. I was happy before I started talking to him. I am happy on my own now, I just know things could be easier if we lived closer. I do go over there to spend time with him while he is doing his outside tasks. I just wanted to get some opinions on what the general thought is about my situation.


BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jan 2012
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about meeting each other half way every Wednesday for dinner? Or maybe you could join him for lunch once a week.

Another thing you might want to consider before cohabitation is just moving closer. 6-12 months on a new apartment lease is a nice amount of time to see how things go without over committing.


Posts: 3388 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems you got married young, and were married quite awhile. That makes me think you have not yet experienced the delights of getting to know someone slowly by engaging in a romantic courtship and dating over a long period of time. You haven't been on your own for very long as an adult either. Why the rush after 3 months to spend more time and to live together? You say you are happy on your own, but it seems you could take advantage of this time to learn more about who you are outside of a major relationship, and to experience romance without living with someone.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5815 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Topic Posts: 16

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