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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How many WS married their AP?
trying_2_recover
♀ Member
Member # 28778
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They are not married but have been living together since before the divorce was final.

My children where just entering adulthood at the time this all blew up and I feel that it caused them to make some really bad choices looking for security.

My oldest I believe likes OW better than she likes me sadly. My youngest is still pretty torn since her dad obviously favors OW's kids over her, I believe it's due to her disabilities personally. He never has accepted them.


Posts: 245 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Washington
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to relate to this very fast change in family. She's a jerk and so is he. They don't share my moral compass but I'm going to have to play nice in the sandbox,. Those of you who are indifferent, I wish I get there. Right now, they are rubbing if in my face and quickly trying to blend families.

Is what it is, but fuck them. I didn't sign up for this crap and it's a stain on my journey in my life.

[This message edited by Caretaker1 at 10:44 PM, April 27th (Sunday)]


Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
hummingbird8
♀ Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a family member who left his W for his OW. They are married and have a child of their own. They are pretty happy. They have had struggles just like any other marriage but he seems to worship his new wife. They don't spend a lot of time apart, not because his wife is insecure, she encourages him to do things without her, but because they enjoy spending time together. I see BS on here talking about how much the WS and OW think about them and every thing they do is tied to the BS but I don't see that at all. Not every marriage that starts out as an affair is doomed. Although I know that's what we all want to believe.

Posts: 511 | Registered: Aug 2009
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They have had struggles just like any other marriage but he seems to worship his new wife. They don't spend a lot of time apart, not because his wife is insecure, she encourages him to do things without her, but because they enjoy spending time together.

And you know this how? Because people never ever ever ever pretend, lie and Facebook their happiness to the world when goodness only knows what it's really like.


"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

Posts: 3144 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my situation...before I knew the true extent of their relationship......He had to chance to marry her....but for whatever reason, asked t marry me...This is all hindsight of course.

I haven't filed because I dont have the money to do so. He hasnt either though. He lived with the AP and takes our kids around her family, but he doesn't come around his own.

I want him to be happy, but it won't be with this girl. I truly do hope he figures it out though.


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
hummingbird8
♀ Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cayc because we are close to them. I don't know why a lot of people on here claim what great marriages they had before the affair but if someone says they know a wayward is happy with their new spouse they must be lying, cheating, pretending, etc.

I don't think it does BS any good to say that all marriages that start as affairs NONE of them are happy. Some are, some aren't.


Posts: 511 | Registered: Aug 2009
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

xwh married one AP three months after ink was dry on nearly 19y marriage. How one can do that is beyond me. Talk about trapeze artist move!

Posts: 4725 | Registered: Dec 2009
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After reading so many stories on SI--allowing for logic to dictate that some "affair-marriages" do succeed--the vast majority of these people are unhappy and deeply selfish individuals. It stands to reason that they will take these traits into the next marriage, which it seems to me are not the makings of a happy marriage.

And remember: these are two morally reprehensible people who had no problem leaving emotional casualties in their wake.

So, marriages? Sure, of course. Happy ones, in which the two people will suddenly lose these traits and/or spare only each other their corrupt cores? I'm skeptical to say the least.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1676 | Registered: Dec 2012
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After reading so many stories on SI--allowing for logic to dictate that some "affair-marriages" do succeed--the vast majority of these people are unhappy and deeply selfish individuals. It stands to reason that they will take these traits into the next marriage, which it seems to me are not the makings of a happy marriage.
And remember: these are two morally reprehensible people who had no problem leaving emotional casualties in their wake.

So, marriages? Sure, of course. Happy ones, in which the two people will suddenly lose these traits and/or spare only each other their corrupt cores? I'm skeptical to say the least.


AMEN Abbondad!!!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3477 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Dadtryingtocope
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is the subject I could write a book on. Come to think of it maybe someday I will. So here is the timeline for me:

Dday - August 2012

I filed in September of 2012 (after doing a lot of reading here and soul searching and figuring out while I was working on R she was continuing A).

After battling through the divorce process (again I did all the work) we finalized in April 2013.

She got engaged in May 2013

She got married in Sept 2013 to the AP in the Caribbean.

My kids were not invited. Her parents were not invited to the wedding but were invited to a reception back here, which they declined to attend.

How do my kids deal with it? Better than I did. I hate both of them. I don't know any other way to express it. I hate what she did to me, my family, her family, our kids, friends, etc. etc. I hate him just as much. I feel like a butcher block I've had so many knives in my back. But like others have said here, it is not my problem anymore. Sometime down the road I won't even have to deal with two selfish cheaters. But my kids will always have to deal with them (if they stay together). For them I am sad. Because I don't see any way it can be a healthy relationship.

Oh they will try and make it look that way. They parade around their gym together. But I don't think they are good enough people to beat the odds. Not to mention he's had more than one occassion of domestic issues. So he's a dirtbag too.

I feel for my kids. It has affected them permanently. I have a 12 year old on the autistic spectrum who regressed and is still working his way back. He is sad still and hurt. He just shows it differently. I have an 8 year old who was forced to grow up before she was ready. It's sad. So I can't help the hate I feel for the two of them. All this damage to all these people. Not sure how either one sleeps at night knowing what they did. I guess they don't really care. I should stop being mad and just feel sorry for them I guess.

Sorry for that long winded answer.


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 9)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 589 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps 2 morally bankrupt people can be happily married. Maybe their mutual ignorance about what a real loving relationship entails safeguards them from being unhappy.

Is it the kind of relationship I want?
Nnnnnnnnope.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
hitbyatruck
♀ Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My father married his AP. They have been together over 26 yrs...give or take depending on if you count the time he was married to my mother.

We all get along fine. I did adjust as a child...I was around 14, I think. I knew it all.

My kids call my dad's wife grandma, she is good to my kids. I will never forget how she made her way in to my family but I will say that she has taken care of 2 of my ailing grandparents and is a key person in my family.

My mom remarried 8 yrs after the divorce and is very happy.


Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
hummingbird8
♀ Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so are all the WS on this site that choose to try and better themselves ignorant? Or morally bankrupt? Just as a WS can choose to change and get help. A WS who marries an AP can do the same thing.

Posts: 511 | Registered: Aug 2009
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dday 2008
Divorced 7/12 after 4yr separation
FT and Twat married days after divorce papers were signed.
They now have a baby = 8mo old

And....he continues to play his internet hook up games.He's now 75 yrs old

Best part he's not my problem.

I talked to him a year and half ago because we transferred title of car to me. He called me for dates he needed 6 mo ago and the conversation lasted 3 min.

I sure in hell didn't loose anything when he walked out but he did.

[This message edited by gma56 at 1:59 PM, April 28th (Monday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20387 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
dead_inside
♀ Member
Member # 3438
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My exh married his OW less than a year after our D was final. I was told that they were soulmates, and that they could only HOPE that I would someday find a love such as theirs....happy happy posts on FB, all that. They had a baby within 2 years of their M.

She only lasted 5 years with him and they have D'd as well, and are fighting bitterly in court now, each one trying to prove the other one is an unfit parent. I'm assuming money and control are at the root of that argument, not the well being of the child.

I have spoken to this OW/soulmate/evil ex recently and she swears he's a narcissist. It's possible.

In any case he's moving on to marriage number 3 now. I guess he really means it this time, that he's found his soulmate. And, as expected, this wedding is hot on the heels of that divorce.

I'm just glad I am so far removed from all that drama

ETA - how did our kid react to it? He's an adult now, and honestly, I don't really know how it has affected him. I focused on not badmouthing the ex, and the second wife (OW) was actually very caring towards him as far as I could tell, she seemed genuine, and he never complained about her. That was my main focus. Now he's old enough to not be too greatly affected by M #3.

I mainly wonder what his POV is on how his dad has been handling relationships? Of course I don't think it would be that appropriate of me to ask him, as much as I'd like to know...

[This message edited by dead_inside at 2:40 PM, April 28th (Monday)]


Me: FORMER BW
Him: WXH


Posts: 756 | Registered: Feb 2004
miadianna
♀ Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH is marrying OW next month. He's been living with her in the new house he bought since 2008, have no idea why they are getting married now. He's 55. He told my kids during the divorce process he will never get married again. I knew it was a lie.

OW tried to get him to go to sex rehab for his "sex addiction" (I found an email when we were still married from her) but I'm sure he never did because it was a place far away he would have to stay awhile. So that gives you a clue on their relationship.

She's a cheater, he's a cheater. They both drink way too much and think nothing about getting behind the wheel while drunk. They have no morals. He sat my kids down one time when they were living together that she came before them in his living will and they came last. That's who he is and she can have him.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7485 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No all ws "who get help" are not morally bankrupt. As abandondad said- most rush into relationship 2 without fixing probs in themselves blaming those probs on relationship 1.

I think the situation you speak of is rare- not the norm.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
miadianna
♀ Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so are all the WS on this site that choose to try and better themselves ignorant? Or morally bankrupt? Just as a WS can choose to change and get help. A WS who marries an AP can do the same thing.

Interesting thought but if they tried to better themselves, why would they be with AP? There have been WS who do the work to change and end up in new relationships, but I've never seen two people who cheated with each other mutually agree to change and make amends with the people and lives they destroyed and be better people. It's more like they are stuck with each other.

I guess it could happen but why would they be with each other then? I would think they would move on to a healthy relationship, if that were the case. Not with the AP.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7485 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Dawnie
♀ Member
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH married the OW 2 months after our D was final, that was 2 1/2 years ago. They seem to be living happily ever after but who knows what really happens behind closed doors. I just cant see a marriage that began with an A lasting, not to mention that she is 20 years younger than him. She is from South America and he is expected to support her family.. they all came up from her "homeland" once they were married and the whole family live in his house... only 2 out of the 5 of the family members speak English. I just dont see where he finds happiness in that, but I really dont know him anymore so who knows. We have a 19 y/o son who has accepted the situation and does his best to keep the peace. I am remarried and have moved on, but would so love to see the karma bus make a visit to his new life.


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
DepressedDaddy
♂ Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just need to say that I love this thread. This is most likely my reality and I have been thinking a lot about it.

This is such good information and I am happy to be able to see some of y'all's experiences...knowing that I am not alone.


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 836 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 63
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