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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Does it ever get out?
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe in telling anyone and everyone about the A. I have nothing to be ashamed of and I'm not lying about anything. It's the truth and if they (the cheaters) don't like it, they shouldn't have been doing anything that they didn't want the world to know about.

In my case, the OW used to be the PTA person at my school. I was more than happy to share exactly what kind of person she is. Again, I wasn't lying and I have proof in her own writing as to what she's done. I felt that these people had a right to know the POS she really is.

That was as close to revenge as I could get and is as far as I would go. Not that I haven't had a little more sinister thoughts, but I would never act on them. I believe what you put out into the universe you get back. The actions of the cheaters will eventually catch up to them. All they are doing are tearing up families and crushing souls. No good can come from that. They will get theirs one day.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 330 | Registered: Mar 2014
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My little dummy was introducing his "new friend" around months before I left him. Literally 2 weeks after I left, he took OW to a party, where he didn't intro her to anyone.

They then concocted a story about how she was consoling Mr. V. about what an adulterous W I was. What a "good friend" OW was being to XH. Oh, yeah, btw, we're now dating.

Meanwhile, I'd lost 30 pounds in 2 months & looked like skelator. So that little stunt at the party where they tried telling people that I was the WW pretty much gave it away.

XH had demanded I protect OW & go along w/that story. People started approaching me w/in days of the party asking if XH was having an A.

I agree w/the other folks who've said it's not your secret to keep. It really isn't. I think that they tend to give themselves away fairly easily, anyhow.

I think if you just state the facts, cleanly and concisely, you look like the BS, not vindictive, or crazy. "I'm sad to say that I'm divorcing Bill b/c of his continued affair w/Mary." That simple.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 751 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Lackingcourage
♀ Member
Member # 39394
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once again, this post has been so helpful for me. My WH didn't want me to tell anyone; we had to come up with a line that we could tell people which was "we had really different values regarding marriage" which is true, technically speaking. The first friend I used that line on said, "what the hell does that mean?" so of course I told her. I have been selective in the telling because I don't want him to lose his job because of the affair with the woman he supervises. I have also sometimes felt guilty when I've told people the truth, but why should I? He did ask me not to tell his family because he " has to spend the rest of (his) life with them" but they haven't called to ask me my side of the story. So far, he's only been willing to admit to others that he fell in love with 2 people outside of his marriage, but neglects telling about the others or the extent of his lies and deceit with this last AP. Of course, of our friends who have only heard his side of the story, exactly zero of them have come to offer me any support or hear my side which is somewhat telling. I have told him repeatedly that it is my story too, and that he can't tell me what I can or can't say, but then I worry what he's going to tell people about me. So far, he has suffered few consequences from his actions. Everyone seems to be treating him the same, for the most part. Even one of my closest friends who divorced her husband for the same reason. She hadn't talked to WS for months after finding out, but now they're hanging out again. That really hurts, but I can't tell her who she can and can't be friends with. There is definitely a small part of me that wants him to suffer the loss of friendships and respect because of his behavior. Actually, it's not that small of a part of me-- it's quite massive


BW 50
WS 50
DD -- which time?
Married 23 yrs, 2 kids 19 and 22
Reconciling maybe?-- Nope, false alarm. He continued to lie, I asked him to leave. Plan on divorce.

Posts: 59 | Registered: May 2013
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I outed him on Facebook.
After he announced his engagement on his page.
I merely pointed out that he was engaged to his girlfriend of 3 years after our 2 year separation. You do the math. Also mentioned that his fiancée had just gotten divorced.
He was a friend on Facebook. He isn't anymore.
He also was mad that I was commenting on "his life".
I merely pointed out that "his new life" and our "old life" overlapped by a year.
Typical wayward handbook stuff it sounds like after reading here.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1386 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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