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Newest Member: NeverAgain0 (44719)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Should I "let it go"
myowndystopia
♀ Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBXWH and I have an in house separation, it's not a legal separation just 2 separate bedrooms - I moved out of master in November....I filed for D in January and if he wasn't such an a$$ to deal with or if I wouldn't stand up for myself and DD15 and insist on certIn things in the MDA we would officially be divorced- but that didn't happen. But mediation is scheduled for next week...

So in the mean time- he takes DD15 around OW, to her house, rides her horses, have dinner together. Makes me sick. I'm over OW and his cheating ass- but I worry about the message he sends not just DD15 but our other 3 adult kids (oldest 25) as well. Am I over reacting, should this not bother me???? This past weekend DD15 and her boyfriend that's 15 both joined the cheating bastard and his OW at her house- had dinner there, hung out. I'm really torn about this as I see it sends the message that his behavior is ok. I know we are divorcing but can't he wait. I even think if he didn't live in the same house with us it wouldn't be as bad. He sets this example for our daughter and her boyfriend!!!

Should I "let it go"??????


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
one2ndchance
♀ Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The older kids are adults, so there's nothing you can do, though I would think they'd be disgusted by stbx's behavior and would refuse to be around him and ow.

Regarding your youngest...unless she is spending the night with stbxwh and the ow while they are sleeping together, I don't think there's anything you can do. You can't mandate who he visits with. You can always check with your L and see if he/she can come up with anything. Otherwise, I don't see any other options. Sorry.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
myowndystopia
♀ Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks one2ndchance-
I'll just say once this is done he will need to really spend some time rebuilding relationships with the older 3 kids. They don't communicate with him at all. One graduates from college in just less than 2 weeks and apparently STBXWH had no idea when graduation was!!!
I meet with lawyer tomorrow to prep for mediation and will bring up with her. DD15 has some special needs with lots of those needs socially so I'm sure to her its just confusing


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amazing is all I can say.....if roles were reversed would we act this way???

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
myowndystopia
♀ Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good question caretaker! I would say I would not. I never cheated on him in our dating days or any other boyfriend. That being said- and yes he did cheat on me when we dated- I think if I was so messed up and my behavior changed so drastically that I did cheat- discrete would be key and wouldn't especially want my kids to know that about me! But- as I said.... My morals and values wouldn't find me in this situation.


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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