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User Topic: Birthdays are not for the weak of heart.
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is my birthday. I don't expect WH to be a mind reader. When he asked, I told him that I wanted flowers for my birthday and New York cheesecake from the Cake Place for my birthday.

My kids took me out to Buffalo Wild Wings Saturday because it is their favorite place to eat. WH got me nothing.

I waited all day. When a truck pulled into the end of my driveway, I put on my shoes and touched up my lipstick. My heart sank as I watched it back up and leave. I waited and I waited.

WH came home with empty arms. I was crying when he came inside.

According to him, it's MY FAULT that I didn't get flowers. He didn't know I really meant it. He only orders flowers for his SIDE THINGS. If I really wanted them, I would have ordered them for myself.

No cake. No flowers. No present. I want to diie.


BW: 41
WH: 48
Married 18 years. SD: 25 from his 1st. M. DS: 20 from 1st M. DD: 16 (autistic)

D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.


Posts: 298 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry how your birthday turned out. He really failed you on a day where your requests were easily made. But until he gets his head out of his ass. I hope you know that you are a special person even though your WH seems too much in a fog to realize it.

Keep your head held high and Happy birthday.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52319 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I don't want to move to D/S forum, but I have no choice. This hurts so much.


BW: 41
WH: 48
Married 18 years. SD: 25 from his 1st. M. DS: 20 from 1st M. DD: 16 (autistic)

D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.


Posts: 298 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Furious1. No words of wisdom. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I can feel it in your post.

I know this isn't exactly what you wanted, but here's a little something for you to hopefully brighten your evening.

Hang in there Furious1.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2153 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you YOP! They are beautiful!


BW: 41
WH: 48
Married 18 years. SD: 25 from his 1st. M. DS: 20 from 1st M. DD: 16 (autistic)

D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.


Posts: 298 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
krsplat
♀ Member
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry, hon. I had an anniversary on Friday that was almost as bed, and I really feel your pain. You deserve SO much better, and if he won't give it to you then you should go take it for yourself.

Happy Birthday, F1! May your next trip around the sun bring you some joy and grace.


Me & WH: 48, married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Back on the coaster. Who knows?

Posts: 349 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

krsplat, thank you. I am so sorry about your Non-aversary. I can only imagine that it hurts just as much as this.

I puked a few times (even though I have nothing to puke) and I think I am starting to feel better. Talk about the Infidelity Diet.

I am beginning to realize that WH is totally all about how he looks in all of this. He doesn't care what he did. He rubs it in my face (You're not going to do nothing about it).

He only wants to be with me to save face.


BW: 41
WH: 48
Married 18 years. SD: 25 from his 1st. M. DS: 20 from 1st M. DD: 16 (autistic)

D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.


Posts: 298 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am nothing but a rung on the social ladder to him.


BW: 41
WH: 48
Married 18 years. SD: 25 from his 1st. M. DS: 20 from 1st M. DD: 16 (autistic)

D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.


Posts: 298 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am nothing but a rung on the social ladder to him.

I'm very sorry he makes you feel that way. Are you feeling any better today?


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2153 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry.

If I were you I would call every florist in town today. Have the house full of flowers when he gets home.

When he walks in the door , with complete sincerity, thank him for the flowers. If he balks get the wide- eye doe look and say, well I knew you would want me to have everything I wanted. .....and walk away.


FTG


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy belated. I hope that today is better for you.

My wxh ignored my 40th birthday. I filed for D 3 days later.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7697 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate...in the early years, I told H he didn't have to purchase gifts. Money was tight, and it was my contribution, so to speak...We have been married 30 years...Things are no longer tight...I buy the things I need. I don't do without, but it has become routine to not do anything for me..It becomes habit...For all occasions...Its a cop out for him...His first and only reaction is "She doesn't need anything" and makes no effort...He has purchased flowers a few times at the grocery counter, somehow, it didn't work for me..They were crushed and bruised and about $5...Christmas morning is very uncomfortable and embarrassing. I am the only one with no gifts...I have even picked out gifts..I told him where they were holding them, to "help" him....Its about money..He wont spend it. I don't expect anymore.. Never infact....He makes such a horrible effort, that no effort is really better...And we all know exactly what to expect... nothing. So, there are no let downs...During the EA or A, he gave me a lot of expensive things. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 10:50 AM, April 29th (Tuesday)]


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 918 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm hanging in there. I'm just hanging out in bed today with my dog, my laptop, my remote control, and a big box of tissue. I wound up sleeping in the camper last night because I couldn't stand to be around him. I'm just really down in the dumps today.


BW: 41
WH: 48
Married 18 years. SD: 25 from his 1st. M. DS: 20 from 1st M. DD: 16 (autistic)

D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.


Posts: 298 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Furious)))))

I'm sorry he let you down. It does sound like it's time to detach hard. I can't believe he blamed you for his own idiotic selfishness.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are hurting Furious. Updated your TT thread in JFO with some 180 questions...


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2153 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe THIS will be the catalyst for you that helps you move forward into a happier, healthier life and out of the hell you're in.

The life you're existing in now (I won't even say 'living' in) is killing you a little bit more each day. There's no payoff for that. I think you know that.

Give yourself the 'gift' of a healthier future.

Happy Birthday to you, Furious.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1765 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry he disappointed you so completely. I too have had more than one Bday like that.
But as someone who has healed, and not just their M but themselves I gotta say he has a point with this:
According to him, it's MY FAULT that I didn't get flowers. He didn't know I really meant it. He only orders flowers for his SIDE THINGS. If I really wanted them, I would have ordered them for myself.

He obviously doesn't have what it takes to show you love, and support, and if you want flowers then by God girl get up and pick up the phone and call FTD and order the biggest, most beautiful boquet, and have it delivered, and make the note say this: "For the Strongest, most awesome woman I know." That's it. You are strong, you are capable, you can do this. You just haven't given yourself permission yet.

No cake. No flowers. No present. I want to diie.

Go get your cake, go get your flowers, and go get yourself a present that you may not have even considered you wanted, you know like a purse (the ones they keep in the glass cases ) and show him YOU DON"T NEED HIM!!!! FTG. What a selfish ass. Get mad, like my momma always says "You can't just fall in a heap." It accomplishes nothing.
Take care of YOU. Make you your number one priority. You may be surprised at how awesome you feel.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8592 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Furious1
♀ Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH is all apologies today, but it really doesn't help much. I realize that in the past, there have never been any consequences for him whenever he let me down. I also read all of these other posts from people going through worse. Part of me feels like I am making a mountain out of a molehill, but another part of me feels like if I don't stand up for myself now on even the little things, things will just go back to the way they were before. I don't want the marriage we had before.

I hate that I got my hopes up. I hate that he is still able to hurt me. He called at lunch to apologize again and tell me that he was bringing flowers home. I don't even know how to react right now.


BW: 41
WH: 48
Married 18 years. SD: 25 from his 1st. M. DS: 20 from 1st M. DD: 16 (autistic)

D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.


Posts: 298 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, I'd ensure that he comes home to an empty house, not notes, no explanation, no nothing.

Belated birthday wishes to you.

Be happy ((((hugs))))


Me 44 (BS) Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995


Posts: 206 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This just breaks my heart. I don't think you are out of line at all. This is not a small thing. He didn't take any time or thought to making you feel special on your birthday. That's inexcusable, IMO. It does not have to be anything big, but he certainly is capable of figuring out a way to make you feel valued and special. And that is THE LEAST we deserve from our spouses who have hurt us so badly.

I'm all for R. I am. But your H does not deserve that gift from you. He should be doing everything he can to earn your love and affection back. He's not. Flowers today? Pfft. I don't think those will make you feel better about how badly he let you down.

Please know that you deserve better than this. You are worthy of being cherished and treated well by the person you have pledged yourself to. Treat yourself like you know you are worthy of better treatment. Don't accept crumbs. Please. It's no way to live life. You deserve better. Go find better.

ETA: I found this in your TT post in JFO.

He told me that he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me whether I divorced him or not.

This was just 10 days ago. Actions, not words. He is NOT living up to what he said he is willing to do. You deserve better, Furious1. Those who have read your posts know how very strong you are. Get hold of that inner bitch and strap on those boots. You will not stand for this type of treatment anymore -- from him or anyone. You can do this..

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 1:20 PM, April 29th (Tuesday)]


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 691 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Topic Posts: 41
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