I am googling rituals to help kids deal with pet loss before I pick up my boys at school. I will have to tell them that tomorrow after school, Max will be gone.
On the infidelity front, we are at a much better place in our R and M to deal with this than we were when we had to make the decision on amputation at Thanksgiving 2012.
Thanks for any suggestions.
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
We made a huge bed up in the lounge and all of us and our other dog all slept in the middle with duvets, pillows etc. The evening was spent spoiling her rotten. Letting her have exactly what she wanted. She loved ice cream and milk. I forget the amount of bowls that she had that night.
She cuddled into all of us and nuzzled us throughout the night, it was as if she knew.
When the vet arrived all of us bar my Hubby (he was to upset to stay) stayed in with her and talked to her whilst they put her to sleep. We then left her laying in the lounge so that our other dog could sniff and realise that she had gone and when and only when we were ready to do so, buried her in the garden.
When we talk about it now, the children say it was that last night of spoiling and sleeping with her that made it easier to bare and they remember that evening with great fondness.
We have made her burial site very special. If anyone came into our grounds they would think we have buried a human there! She has fresh flowers every couple of weeks or wild ones, dependent on what is growing at the time. She has a few ornaments things (butterfly on a stick, candle holders) and at Christmas, she has lights strung in the tree that bends over her grave.
Some people might think we're mad but it gives my kids great pleasure at Christmas to see her area all lit up and it helps us. We have a bench overlooking her grave so when its nice we can go and sit and have a drink.
She grew up with my children and I belive it's helped them immensely. We have one of her puppies (she's 9 now) and she sits by the side if we're out there but never steps onto the grave! I'm sure she knows her mum is in there.
Hope this helps even if it is a bit OTT!
Will be thinking of you tomorrow when you have to take that sad step.
Hugs and love to you all. xx
3 beautiful children
Married 14 years together 17
In R and going well, hoping everyday that this is the last time otherwise I'm out of here
OnAnIsland, I'm sorry about your furbaby.
[This message edited by lieshurt at 8:35 AM, April 29th (Tuesday)]
Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.
When you know it's coming we share with the kids that the time is coming, and that they will be saying good bye. We always have had large dogs, Danes, Goldens etc. So when they pass we do the cremation thing.
We usually take them to McDonalds, or someplace to get a belly full of cheeseburgers, and give the kids the option of being there. The only one we didn't give them the option of was when they were about 4&6, too young. Then to the vet, and we all sit on the floor, and love on our sweet babies as they cross the rainbow bridge.
Once we have the ashes we spread them in a way that we know they would be happy. Our first Golden, in a river we float several times every summer, a place he loved. Our Dane, a very sunny spot in our yard where she loved to lay, so she could watch her people, and warm her bones. Our second Golden, again by water. Our current lab will be at the Duck club, because she lives to retrieve those damn birds. We also plant a tree/bush/flower in honor of them representing their personality. My goofy Dane, got a spazzy, crazy spreading Clematis vine, My first Golden yellow tiger lilies, as he was strong, yellow, and constant (they bloom all summer long). My second golden, a slow growing (because he was kind of slow) spruce, because he loved the snow, and Christmas time, would lay by the Christmas tree the entire time it was up.
So we try to make it something particular to each one's personality.
He took great care to wrap them in their favourite blankets and we buried them with their favourite toys under a rose bush that my mum planted after the ceremony.
It was much more soothing than a trip to the vet and coming home with nothing.
She was probably fed a pound of candy kisses that day!!! She loved them.
As an adult, each time we have lost a pet there was no warning. But after the burial, we would pull out the photos we could find of them, and allow DD and DS to pick some to frame or put in a scrapbook, or whatever they wanted. DD has a scrapbook of all the animals she has loved who have died. DS just has unframed pictures in a drawer of his dresser.
((((Onanisland, H, & kiddos)))))
"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
I currently have Buddy's tag on my key ring. I think of him every time that I see It.
Wishing you and your family peace.
[This message edited by Williesmom at 7:57 PM, April 29th (Tuesday)]
thanks again. I will check in later to share how things went.
I stayed with Max to the end. It was quick, and he seemed peaceful. My boys were sad when they came home from their post-school playdate to a dog-free house. I tried to remove most triggers, but made space to think and talk and mourn him. I expect much crying and grieving in the days to come. After 13+ years, it is strange not to have him to structure my day. Thanks again for sharing your stories and support.
(((and strength, and peace)))))
(((((onanisland & family)))))