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Newest Member: Rdoranjr (45348)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Do you ever wonder why they married you in the first place?
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His grandma once told me (after we got married) when he was about 13 he said he wanted to be married by the time he was 20. We got married 2 days before he turned 20.

He married me because he wanted a wife and kids. That was it. He didn't care who I was, I was a role, not a person. I got pregnant with our son, and told him to get lost, but he wouldn't. His goal was coming true, he just had to convince me to marry him. I was fairly mature and responsible, but had also grown up in an abusive household, so I was pretty easy to control. So, he had me around to take care of all his messes, but was able to tell me they were all my fault, and I used to believe him.

He wants to be in a serious relationship, because then there is always someone else to blame for his fuck ups. I am the only woman he ever dated. Everyone else, he cheated on the person he was with, they found out, kicked him out, and he immediately moved in with the new OW. He's done this...10? times now. He married me because I was willing. That's about it.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4491 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
GreatRoleModel
♀ Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He married me to try to be normal, to escape his FOO issues. He could pretend for a while.

I think this is exactly it for me because I am came from a stable caring family (he never had one) and was smart and independent...funny though he couldn't handle that later in our marriage. Scary thing my XMIL told my mom during the wedding planning that she didn't understand why I was marrying her son (huge red flag that I passed over because I was led to believe in my naive 20's that she was the crazy one). I so wish she were alive today bc she was a BS and my XFIL turned it all on her and that she was the one with issues. My XH NPD learned at the feet of the master of all NPD's.


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 363 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs the stability and outward appearance of being a "good guy" to cover up the nastiness that causes him to fuck every woman who will let him.

Definitely this.

Also, I think I was his beard. By being w/me, he could magically absorb my positive qualities. Like somehow b/c he got me, he had to be a decent guy. I'm well loved, so, he too must be as well, iykwim.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was "normal" to him. I represented normalcy. He thought I would "fix" the gay thoughts he had...


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4185 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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