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Newest Member: shatterdlife (44923)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: odd trigger
undonelife
♀ Member
Member # 38421
Concerned  Posted: 11:08 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of all things to cause me to trigger...was watching Sandra Bullock in a movie working out at the gym and got sick to my stomach. OW is/was built something like her, has shoulder length brown hair like her. I always loved Sandra in movies...now I cannot watch them. Bleahhhh. It has ruined my day.

Honestly how am I gonna get thru this? Its been 15 months and tho Im better and stronger I do not feel anything for my fWH. Im not happy. Im not sure why I wanted to R. I think about my kids - that was the inital reason. Lately when Im with him all I do is think of what he did and what he did with her and all the nasty hurtful things he said to me in the 3 months after I caught him.

He's doing the right things now, but....sigh...
We are in MC/IC. Ive done a ton of work on myself with seminars, retreats, etc. He has accountability partners working with him.

Any advice? Help?


Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years
DDay 11/25/12 TT 9/9/13
OW:20 yrs younger McOW
Kids: 2 teens

Posts: 187 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Dark Hell
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had some advice. All I can do is commiserate. I'm feeling pretty bleak about things too. I can't even stand to look at my H the last week or so and it's an ice storm in my house--no talking but the minimum. What's making it worse is that altho he has said he is so committed, blah blah he isn't even trying to break through the ice to talk to me. Shows me where his head is.

And SB causes me to trigger too, strangely enough. H told me he was going to the movies (alone and at night, duh how stupid am I?) to see the movie Gravity, but instead he went to the OW's house to have sex with her for the first time. Classy.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 494 | Registered: Jan 2014
brkn_heartd
♀ Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I triggered by woman that resembled OW even though we moved to another state. I saw them all the time....abou 5'6, short dark hair, wearing scrubs. Petty generic, but enough to make me trigger. In all honesty it took about 3 years, for that to go away. Now, I don't even notice.

I felt the way you described about the time frame you are at. The feelings got better between years 2-3. In all honesty, my feelings are just started really return. I stayed through it, because of the love I had prior to the A and his efforts. It was very difficult, but I am glad I continued. I still have some troubles, and would lie if I said I didn't. However, we are gaining ground. We are rebuilding our relationship. It will never be what we had, but it is still good.

IC could be beneficial to you as you work through your feelings for him. This may still be a deal breaker for you. If it is, that is ok too. It is what works best for you! My IC really helped me.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1591 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
manybrokenpieces
♀ Member
Member # 37055
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These triggers just plain suck! ((Hugs))

For what it's worth, just like brkn_heartd, I had these feelings about that same time frame.

I had bouts of just utter rage at WH when I could even rationalize that I had no reason today or yesterday or last week to be so angry with him. I would wake up in the morning seething. It seemed I was constantly reliving the A, the early days of discovery, and I could turn everything into a trigger!

Just know you are not alone. It takes time and the emotions tend to circle around, cycling back again.


Posts: 72 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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