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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How many affairs did he have???
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got a phone call last night from a man who just found out Easter morning that his wife is having an affair and leaving him.My ex built this couples house.I really wasn't sure why he was calling me and telling me about his findings.I have never met the man.He proceeded to tell me that he was able to hack his wifes email.He found an email from his wife to her lover.It stated one of the worst things she had ever done was have an affair with the project manager who built her house.That was my husband! She also got pregnant to him but miscarried.I just cannot believe what an idiot I was.I was working and caring for our 2 year old.This man paid my husband very well...to do his wife.What scum I was married to... Can't wait til the OW gets hers!

Posts: 162 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You were NOT an idiot. You were a trusting wife. Which, by the way, is the way marriage is supposed to work. Spouses trust each other and have each other's best interests at heart. You did your part.

I'm sorry that he didn't hold up his end, but that is absolutely NOT a reflection on you, honey. That's all on him.

(((((iderservebetter)))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25765 | Registered: Aug 2011
one2ndchance
♀ Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More proof that you are better off without him.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With some WSs, there is no way to 'know everything.' Mine is like that. Eventually I decided that I 'knew enough,' and that was the end of it. However, it must really suck to have it pop up like that. I can't imagine how that would feel.

((ideservebetter45)


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1866 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every once in a while I have a similar question: How many guys did she screw? I mentioned on here one time that looking back at our trip to Disney a couple years ago, I was suspicious of an evening stroll that she wouldn't let any of us go on with her (she needed her "alone" time, as she often did).

I can't remember who, but someone told me that I was married to a liar and a cheater, so whenever there is a question of "Did she do this, too?", the answer was, "Yeah, probably."

It sucks, but is also a little freeing. It's easier to just think of her as someone who was always an evil arsehole, because she probably was. It sounds like your husband belongs in that same category too. I hope it helps you as much as it did me.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2110 | Registered: Jan 2013
Acer0112
♀ Member
Member # 43241
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is a question we all must ask after finding out about one.

For me, I felt like my WH did tell me about all incidents since we've been married. There was only this one OP - EA/PA - he calls "ejector affair" that happened this past winter. However, when he opened up his email accounts I found reference to a FL strip club back in 2012 that he went to with work colleagues. I knew he went to strip joints now and then, but this one he crossed the line. It had physical aspects to it, not just viewing.

So I can say multiple in 2012, one in 2013/2014.

Strangely today, after a heated argument, he did admit that he will never get over the A, and that he cheated on me multiple times if I consider the strip clubs in 2012. Yup, I do. So as we work on separation and D, at least he admitted some remorse.


D-Day 1/24/14
D-Day2 04/08/14, false R
17yrs married, 23yrs together
Two kids 13, 11
Divorced 10/2014

Posts: 201 | Registered: Apr 2014
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went through a similar time - now whenever some random memory comes back just begging to be reexamined and I wonder "did he?" My answer is "Probably. What a fuckwit, seriously."

There were at least 8 OW - he only confessed to the one (aside from the one when we had only been together 8w), kissing another. So 1.5 OW. That's not counting all of the EAs where he acted like the concerned friend/mentor but just couldn't get into their pants.

We were not fools fooled. We were supposed to trust our husbands. That was the deal. They are fools for betraying that trust.

I attributed my values and qualities to him so of course I wasn't suspicious. In the latter years my gut was screaming at me and I dismissed it - I silenced that bitch so much she almost became mute. Post DD she started screaming at me again and everything I had suppressed hit me in the face.

Be gentle with yourself. I've just seen the tip of the iceberg of the betrayal inflicted on me. I remind myself that I already know more than enough. If I do get further info at this point it will just be reinforcing what I already know - he is a lying, cheating scumbag and not worth of my spit.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 7

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