Your actions have proven that your words mean nothing.
I wish I could tell you that I have been in your position, but I can't. I can however, tell you that you will survive no matter what happens. I have had many of the same concerns regarding surviving and paying bills/mortgage/child costs/etc. by myself. I have restructured my budget to make sure I can afford the things that I need to and have found cheaper ways to live. Luckily I have had people step up and offer to help me in a variety of ways.
In regards to you possibly regretting a decision, just know that once you need to make a decision, you will know it. I was struggling for a few months with my decision and then in the matter of about one week, things came together. I made a decision, I feel good about it and I am moving forward.
I hope the same for you and just know we are all here for you as much as we can.
Take Care of yourself.
Maybe you can start to build yourself a safety net while you decide what you need to do. Take little steps. Find people who can help you if/when you decide you need to make the leap.
I get the same feeling that you do - that if you start to end it he will be even more thoughtless and cruel than he already is, but you can't stay with him because you're afraid of him. That's no life. Your kids see how he behaves and they know it's not ok. Nobody who gave a damn about the right thing will blame you, and it doesn't even matter what other people think anyway.
Keep posting - we're here for you. You CAN get out of this if you need to - like so many who have gone before you.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
I worked each week with a counselor to overcome my fear (until I lost my insurance).
Then I filed.
Guess what? None of what I feared happened (yet anyway).
I'm doing ok.
I am pregnant and due in June and still have to work out a place to live which occassionally freaks me out, thats like a month from now. But the way everything else has fallen into place and seemed to just "go" in my favor - I'm hopeful.
Really? I've faced homeless before, even with a baby (my son who is now 11).
I made it then. I'll make it again.
Hang in there.
Be afraid. Its ok. It isn't pleasant but its honest.
It is also motivating if you don't become the deer in the headlights.
Try finding the smallest fear first and see what you can do to face it, work past it, or set it aside. Then do the next smallest one. Pretty soon you'll be climbing giant walls of fear and laughing when you slide down the other side.
Its an incredible feeling to overcome it.
I think the first step is counseling, I need strategies to help me face the reality of my situation. He treats me this way because I allow him to but I have no idea how to break the cycle.
[This message edited by JML09 at 3:00 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)]
I'm bumping a thread for you about fear vs reality. No magic answers there, but I think it's a very helpful read.
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.