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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He earned his 'f'
Allornothing
♀ Member
Member # 42354
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH and I were sitting at home when one of his mates turned up in a terrible state. He looked at my husband and said "I need your help, I've made a terrible mistake, I cheated on B" and then started to tell us all of the usual WS justifications, "B was more into the kids than she was into me, I was lonely, I felt neglected, blah blah blah...

My husband sat him down, looked him in the eye, and said "Mate, you didn't make a mistake, you made a choice, and it was a really shitty one. That crap you just told me is just that. Crap. You, for whatever reason, tore B's heart to shreds, you disrespected her, you decimated her, and you feel bad. You should, you did a really shitty thing. I'll help you, but you have a shit-ton of work to do, and there's no quick fix, trust me, I tried. There's a website that helps us, its called SI. I'll get it up, and I want you to read it, and keep reading it..."

There was plenty more, including arguments from the friend, and in the end, hubby turned around and said "Ok, whatever, Mr Fog". I have to admit, I had a bit of a laugh at that one!

Just quietly, I was astounded by what hubby said, he used to be so non-confrontational, it's huge that in the last few months he has said what he thinks, and no longer hides from what he feels.

So, Mr Allornothing, here's to you, and to earning your 'f'!


Me- BS 43
Him- FWH 43
Married 19 years, Together 26
Kids- 23,21,15,14
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant

Posts: 230 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Way to go Mr Allornothing


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; theyíll scratch you up time and time again but in the end youíre polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52975 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
RomanticInnocenc
♀ Member
Member # 43041
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so awesome! It must be so good to have it reaffirmed that he gets it like that! These stories are so important for inciting hope for us all! Thanks for sharing, it certainly gave me some! :-)


Me: BS 31
WH: 29 (theseseatsRtaken)
DS: getting close to 1
Together 10 years, married 2.
DD1: 8th of Jan 2014
DD2: 10th of Jan 2014
NC: 8th of Jan
In hopeful R!

Posts: 377 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love that. So happy to hear that your FWS gets it!


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 569 | Registered: Jan 2014
LdyD
♀ Member
Member # 42870
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is Awesome!


Me - BW: 43
Him - WH: 42 (MisterBC)
D-Day #1: 2/16/14
D-Day #2: 11/20/14 (discovered lies he's told during false R)
TT and 9 months of False R
Married 12 years, Together 16 years
2 -DDs ages 11 & 13 1/2

Posts: 127 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Virginia
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah a success. Wonderful, and I think that earned f should be a "F" capitalized and all because he responded in a way many here only dream their spouse would respond like.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a wonderful promotion!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5072 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whew, glad this is good news. "F" means "fail" in the states. Must be a good thing Down Under. Anyway, sounds like your husband has his head screwed on straight these days. I'm happy for you.


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1485 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allornothing - I was astounded by what hubby said ... So, Mr Allornothing, here's to you, and to earning your 'f'!


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3282 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal1995: "F" means "fail" in the states.

LOL, I'm not sure if you were kidding or not, but on SI "F" means "former."

And it's a big deal. Hooray Mr. & Mrs. Allornothing!

BH gave me an "F" a few weeks ago, and I updated my signature immediately.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response thereís a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1252 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL, I'm not sure if you were kidding or not, but on SI "F" means "former."

Wish I could say I was kidding 20Wrongs, but that one flew over my head I guess. Sounded like his response was getting a grade. Thanks for straightening me out.

Now I'm even happier for Allornothing!

ETA: Congrats on earning you "f", 20Wrongs

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 5:30 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)]


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1485 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Allornothing
♀ Member
Member # 42354
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your responses. We couldn't have done it without the collective wisdom here on SI. The support from all of you means so much to both of us.

I showed Hubby all of your responses, and he was over the moon, especially when he saw the HUFI hand clap! He was so excited about that, I thought he was gonna do a dance!!

ETA: Tushnurse, you're right, he does deserve a capital 'F', he definitely earned it.

20 Wrongs, huge congratulations on your F! After seeing hubby's reaction, I now understand how important that is to a truly remorseful former wayward. Well done, and best of luck to both of you.

[This message edited by Allornothing at 8:33 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)]


Me- BS 43
Him- FWH 43
Married 19 years, Together 26
Kids- 23,21,15,14
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant

Posts: 230 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 12

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