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User Topic: Two weeks in, mood swings & a very defensive WW
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saveus, I continue to be angry for you. Read her text with X- Ray vision:

" I...and also...I'm! I'm...I'm...and I feel...I know....how it's making me feel but.. I have...it's also making me feel depressed...I know...but I need to know...xx


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven´t posted much on your situation because I think you are already getting a lot of good advice.

The ONLY way out of infidelity is through truth.
It’s really that simple.

Infidelity tends to be about fantasy. Infidelity tends to happen because the WS doesn’t deal with his/her reality in a logical, sensible manner. If your WW had come to you and told you that she wanted out of the marriage – If she had filed – If she had settled her accounts – then there wouldn’t be infidelity. In fact – if she had come to you some time ago and told you she had emotions for another man that she wanted to develop further and therefore wanted to terminate your marriage… well… that would have been OK per se. She would be settling her account.

Instead she decides to have an affair.

She’s in fantasy-land.
In her head she’s Jennifer Aniston in a forlorn love-triangle. OM is Brad Pitt, you are (at best) John Travolta or Harrison Ford. This is all exciting and dramatic and wonderful. She probably expects you two to fight over her. This is why she pines for OM when with you and worries about you when with OM. Who knows – maybe one will develop into the evil mastermind while the other will save her on a white horse riding into the sunset. Maybe we might even have puppies, kittens and a unicorn…

What you need to do is change this from a Hollywood/Bollywood adventure to a Scandinavian documentary. Drole, factual and dry. Reality.

Tushnurse hit the nail right on the head: She did you the biggest favor.
Now you KNOW what you are dealing with. You KNOW your options. You can now deal with this situation from a position of reality rather than hope, fantasy and guesswork.

Resign from the cast. Leave the movie. Rewrite the script. Control the parts of this situation you can.

Your ONLY communications with her from now on should center on how to tend to the business and practical issues of terminating your marriage. You should make it very clear to her that she does NOT have the power to decide the next “talks” you have will be about the marriage and why she had this itch in her crotch that only OM could scratch. You can’t negotiate her back into the marriage. The ONLY good open path for you is to progress out of infidelity. MAYBE your wife will see the light and ask to come along but irrespective of that glimmer of hope you NEED to move on with or without her.


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5488 | Registered: Sep 2005
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another thing to point out as to the psychology of these kind of texts is not only to put herself as the victim, but you as the one who should be offering her sympathy and support in a kind of rescuer role, and OM as the perpetrator who she just couldn’t resist (think those old black and white Dracula films).

Later, she will again play the victim in that she was never horrible to you, was always concerned about your welfare, she never stopped loving you, but YOU were the person who got nasty and chose to divorce her (the perpetrator). OM will then be her rescuer from her horrible situation with that nasty man who used to be her husband.

And then she will turn her guilt (which she no doubt currently feels right now) into a fury against you and turn into that hydra I referred to before. She will want to punish you for what she has done. But that is a little further down the line. Just be prepared for it.

She has created the Triangle of Drama. Take yourself out of the equation.

Believe me. The best thing you can do is ignore her, and any communication you do have (whether verbally or by text/email) is to be consistent – offer her the vague platitudes and put the ball firmly in her court by repeating that she has chosen to go outside of the marriage and that is unacceptable. You are NOT prepared to let the affair run its course and for her to decide when she is going to make her choice.

You cannot control her, but you can control you responses to her. Always take a deep breath and think carefully before firing off a text. Ask yourself what it will achieve apart from more pain. And what would your friends here would give as words of advice.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3442 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saveus my man, it's time to put the tissues away and get good an pissed off. This crazy bitch who was your wife, now replaced with this pod person is playing you like a fiddle.

YOU are doing everything the opposite of what we have told you. YOUR WIFE has left her home. YOUR WIFE has left her spouse. YOUR WIFE has left her child. CALL YOUR ATTORNEY NOW!!!!!!

I can tell you, as can Abandondad, Allatsea, and numerous other members that she has the upper hand right now, and if you don't quit what you are doing you are going to continue to become weaker, and she will continue to gain strength. This is a WAR right now. A WAR she threw you into, just like the USA was on when attacked at Pearl Harbor.

YOU MUST PROTECT YOUR MOST VALUABLE ASSESTS FROM HER. YOURSELF, YOUR SON, and YOUR HOME. Do you really want this pod person who puts her desire to get some nookie from another man being the primary caregiver of you progeny?
Get your damn ducks in order, and quit engaging with her. NO TEXT, NO PHONE, NO FACE TO FACE.

She has shown you who she is now. BELIEVE HER.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7837 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She claimed however that whilst they slept together that night, they didn't have sex.

This should be on a t-shirt. It would be laughable if it weren't so tragic.

and was torturing me (again) for some reason.

She is indeed. The reasons don't really matter at this point. It's not complicated.

As so many implored me when I was exactly where you are (I could have written your post myself; in fact I likely did): It stops when you say it does.

Don't beat yourself up too badly for weakening (e.g., texting her telling her you miss her). You know when you make mistakes. That self-awareness is wonderful. You are human. Every day is a new opportunity to not make the same mistake.

Remove yourself from this poison, Saveus. It can get unimaginably worse.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saveus, might I suggest that next time you feel the need to respond to her beyond the topics of divorce, finance, and your son, that you type it out in email and send it TO YOURSELF.

Every time I read about how you spend time with your precious son, that makes me smile. As a dad of 10 and 13 yr old boys, I cherish my time with them and try to make the best of it when they are with me. I look at them knowing that they deserved better than being in the middle of a D. I then look at or think about my STBXW and know this person is the one who selfishly forced the circumstances on to them. That is where my anger arrived. My boys deserve a steady parent between the two. I had converted my anger into action. I'm working my ass off for them because I want to be that steady parent they can turn to, seek guidance from, but most of all respect and love for the rest of their lives.

You need to look at your boy in the eyes and know he deserves at least one good parent in your situation. You clearly are the better parent and you need to be consistent with your actions by taking yourself out of the ridiculous drama your WW is orchestrating for her own benefit. You need to look at her and think of her as being dead, no longer the wife you were in love with, no longer the woman who deserves a quality man, husband, and a wonder and responsible parent that is YOU.

Quit stooping to her level. Don't respond to anymore of her drama-drivels.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 405 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She claimed however that whilst they slept together that night, they didn't have sex.
At this point, that doesn't even matter. What matters is that she walked out on you once again, that is ALL that matters now.

In fact, her even saying that to you is disgusting, hurtful and ridiculous. It shows me she has just no clue what in the world reality is at this point.

She needs to get in IC immediately. She is a drama queen and she is a walking soap opera. You should stop feeding her addiction for more drama. This we need to talk stuff is more drama for her. No more.

I keep reading advice in other threads saying take your time/don't rush into anything in the first six months - but of course these are probably situations that involve a remorseful WS
That advice is only given when the affair is over, no more games and the WS is remorseful. That advice is given when the BS is in the heat of anger. And most R BS realize that that anger can go away but only if the WS helps.

You should start thinking would you even R with her at this point, could you ever get past this. She is now going beyond the point of no return.

What ever happened to the "I looked around at the pictures... and realized what I was losing". What the hell ever happened to that thought in her mind. Wasn't that just the other night.

No more talking. The point of talking has come and gone because her only reason for talking to you is to play more pity me stuff.

She is never ever going to listen to what you have to say. And that is common during affairs, but what makes that dangerous is that she is listening to someone else, and that someone else sure as hell does not have your best interest in mind.

You now have to protect you, your son and your finances.

It is time to tell her parents what the hell is going on. If I remember correctly, the only people you have told is your parents. I think her parents should know. And any other relatives you think should know.

You need to get out in front of this, because you are doing the lagging and reacting, while she is doing the creating. She creates new problems for you every day, and you are reacting only.

You need to get out in front of this problem now. And that means telling others and getting some papers from your lawyer protecting what is yours.


Posts: 3567 | Registered: Jun 2002
finallymefirst
♀ Member
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Saveus, I'm so sorry that ur experiencing this horrible trauma.
One of the best lessons that I have learned throughout this whole infidelity business is that when you find yourself in a three-way relationship, u must remove yourself from said relationship and let the other two have at it. They may not even love each other or even be compatible with each other, but they are united in their love of the drama that this situation creates. She loves the ego kibbles and he feels so strong and macho because he has gotten this woman to leave her husband and child for him.

U must exit stage left. You have this wonderful little boy who is at this great stage of life, where he is learning so much and he is still so sweet and doesn't have the mouth and attitude that comes with pre-teens and teens. Try to enjoy it because she is wasting her precious time.

Do your best impression of NC and 180, let her see her child as much as she wants, but let her go. If it is meant to be she will come back to you a changed woman.


Posts: 115 | Registered: Oct 2013
saveus
♂ Member
Member # 43251
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, no. 1, I haven't replied to my WW at all. I had two missed calls from her a 2/3 hours ago too. I let them go to voicemail. No message.

We've promised our boy we'd take him to the fair tonight so we will. Conversation (between my WW and I) will be kept to an absolute minimum. I'm not going to let my guard down again, as I did this time yesterday.

I absolutely guarantee my WW will go back to her AP tonight. In fact, if she tries not to I'll open the front door again and invite her to leave.

I haven't been able to speak to my solicitor today. Frankly, I can't afford to. Granted, I can't afford not to but don't despair, I've called the Citizens Advice Bureau and am waiting for a call back to arrange a face-to-face appointment with one of their family law solicitors. They also have an excellent website which has given me some great advice.

Don't think either that my pitiful finances will prevent me from filing, when it comes to that. It won't. (Funnily enough, I've come into £750 unexpectedly this morning - not quite a life changing sum but the universe does work in mysterious ways).

Addressing some of your points...

@Red Sox Nation: Re the friend who apparently has covered for my wife's affair, I quite agree. But what I don't know is what she knows. For all I know, I wouldn't put it past my WW to have lied to me about leaving her car there and going over to the OM's that night (and that's not clutching at straws). She certainly was at his last night anyway. If I go to my son's club tomorrow after work, I'm likely to come into contact with the OM, my WW AND this 'friend' and her husband.

@UKgirl: I loved your 'personal pity party' comment. I have just let her get on with it. No contact from me whatsoever. I'll keep that 'script' in mind (though have no intention of actually using it).

@mike7: Your advice - as harsh as it is sometimes - makes me laugh the most (in a sick, black humour kind of way) . And I need all the laughs I can get. You are dead right. Especially about what would happen if she believed I didn't want her any more. She clearly was something special. I obviously wouldn't have married her had somebody had a crystal ball handy.

@allatsea: Wow! Speechless! I'm proud. Your smileys also made me laugh, so thank you

@Badhurt: What can I say? Except I don't mean to be using my son as an excuse. I will go away and think about that one. A new perspective, thanks.

@confused615: I know. And I am standing by the ultimatum about going back to him.

@Red Sox (again): Another great new perspective. I hadn't seen it like that but you're right. I'm not stupid and know any intimacy we had weeks ago left her feeling like she was being unfaithful to him. I'm going to do my best to appear OK to my WW from this point on.

@Abbondad: X-ray vision. Perfect.

@Bigger: Thanks for commenting - I highly value your advice. Brilliant analogy as ever. I'm going to do my best to 'leave the movie'. I saw the effect yesterday of sticking to the concept of 'you've now left me' and discussing only the practicalities of separation. I can't say I'm not still asking myself, 'why did she do it?', from time to time but one difference I have noticed - I have no interest in snooping any more. I know enough.

@UKgirl (again): Thank you for the psychological analysis - very useful. I can totally see that happening. I will try to take your advice before I fire off any more texts.

@tushnurse: I don't think I'm doing the opposite of everything you all are telling me. I've had a minor setback re the solicitor but as soon as I've had a few questions answered, I'll be back onto my actual solicitor. Might take a couple of days, that's all (as frustrating as it is for me as it is for you to read about). I am going to see my WW this evening, no avoiding that, but I promise you I will keep conversation to an absolute minimum. If there is any talking, I'll do the listening this time. Then send her back to her boyfriend.

@Jduff: Thank you. I also cherish my time with my DS though I confess to having been less patient with him a couple of times since this first began. And none of this is his fault. He absolutely deserves one steady parent. And I think I've done a good job (nothing out of the ordinary) since my WW walked out.

@craig2001: There's not a snowball's chance in hell that my WW will go into IC. In fact, the snowball has a better chance. Good question about looking around our house and realising what she'd be losing. I have no idea what's changed as I don't know (and neither does she) where the truth ends and the lies begin. Her parents DO know what's going on though I've noticed my MIL being slightly more 'standoffish' in the last week. The only contact has been by text (I'm playing my cards closer to my chest) and hers have been very brief and vague, e.g. 'God, what a mess eh! Take care xx'

@finallymefirst: First class advice, thank you. I know you're right about removing myself. Exit stage left. What you said about my WW wasting a wonderful stage of our son's life is oh so true. You have my word I'm going to do my 'best impression' of NC and the 180.

[This message edited by saveus at 9:49 AM, May 19th (Monday)]


Me: BS/38
Her: WS/37
Together: 15 years
Married: 7 years
1 amazing little boy, 5, the love of our lives
D-Day 1: 14/4/2014 (EA/one night PA)
D-Day 2: 30/4/2014 (sexting/PA longer & ongoing)
D-Day 3: 4/5/2014 (earlier PA, another OM)

Posts: 256 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: UK
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^what Bigger and UKGirl said. Yep, what Bigger and UKGirl said.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" because I like the Music City. I did know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 843 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

saveus, when you go to the CAB, make sure you have read up on the government website; glean as much information as possible from it. There is a cost to divorce, but you can make it as miminal as possible by doing a lot of the donkey work yourself. And, of course, there are UK people here who can help.

https://www.gov.uk/divorce

Ask around and "interview" the family law solicitors to make sure you get the right one for you. A quick 15 min chat is all it takes. Ask to speak to whichever you have on your list to ascertain what they will do for you and what it will cost. You'll get the feel for the individual and the practice as to whether they are the right one for you. Getting the wrong one is more costly than the right one who may charge a bit more. Remember YOU are the customer. The solicitor is just a necessary parasite (sorry to all lawyers out there!)


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3442 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I absolutely guarantee my WW will go back to her AP tonight. In fact, if she tries not to I'll open the front door again and invite her to leave.
Don't say a word or invite her to leave. That will just open the door for more of her self-pity. And then she will take this and tell everyone you forced her out. Do not give her anymore excuses.

Let her leave on her own and document it!

In fact, stop talking to her altogether now. Everything you say can and will be used against you!
Every syllable you say to her will be turned and used against you. You could tell her you love her more than anything, and she will find a way to use it against you.

What do you mean your MIL is being standoffish? I sort of thought she was being nice to you?

If your wife is running around telling lies, you can't fight it anymore. You are really just running around now putting out little and big fires. Fires that your wife is purposely starting.

(Funnily enough, I've come into £750 unexpectedly this morning - not quite a life changing sum but the universe does work in mysterious ways).

Always have faith, you never know who is watching over you.

Posts: 3567 | Registered: Jun 2002
LifeisCrazy
♂ Member
Member # 38287
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've promised our boy we'd take him to the fair tonight so we will.

Why, exactly, would you do THAT? Because you promised him?

Saveus, gently here, but your boy is FIVE. Take him to the fair by YOURSELF and if he asks for mom, let him know that she wasn't available.

Listen, I know how much it hurts, but your wife walked out on your son. The hell with what she did to YOU - she walked out on HIM, too. Do you feel obligated to let her have time with him? Why? These are the consequences of acting the way she has.

No contact with her means exactly that - no contact. You guys don't have a legal custody document set up. So why do you think you owe her kindness in the form of visitation? That doesn't mean that you refuse her seeing him, but that also doesn't mean that you make it easy for her! Really, you're going to walk around a fair, playing nicey-nice with someone who, when your son turns his back, is pissing on your leg??? Why would you allow this POS to continue to treat you this way?

Keep reminding yourself that SHE walked out on her marriage. SHE has forced your son to grow up a product of divorce. SHE has created this disaster and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Stop trying to nice her back - she is long gone. She doesn't get the "family stuff" of going to a fair together at the same time she's leaving you.

When your mother told you it's time to fight - she was echoing what many of us have already told you. Start fighting for your own self respect and for your son's welfare. SHE does not have his best interest in mind.

I'm sorry you are still in limbo. Things don't get better until you demand more respect than what she's giving you.


"Pain is temporary. Quitting is forever."

Posts: 158 | Registered: Jan 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saveus,

When your mother told you it's time to fight - she was echoing what many of us have already told you

She(and we) is fighting for her son. Do the same.

Fight for him.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2581 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her parents DO know what's going on though I've noticed my MIL being slightly more 'standoffish' in the last week. The only contact has been by text (I'm playing my cards closer to my chest) and hers have been very brief and vague,
What do you mean your MIL is being standoffish? I sort of thought she was being nice to you?
I suspect WW has been whining to her mother, thereby already laying the foundations that something was wrong in the marriage.

Some conversations may include:
You don’t meet her emotional needs.
She was lonely and/or bored.
Sex wasn’t good anymore.
She loves you but isn’t in love with you.
OM made her feel good by giving her compliments.
She feels alive with OM.
You don’t love her anymore.
She wants to feel happy – and you don’t make her happy.
OM has money to spend on her (financial security)
She loves OM. She can’t help it. Oh Mum! What am I going to do??!!

She has probably already had a good old moan about you, your job, the house, your marriage and is in the process of winning her mother over. And she will. As I said before, you could be the most wonderful husband and father in the whole world and your WW could be stooping to a low-life drug dealing, abusive, paedophile drunk, it doesn’t matter. Your WW is still her daughter. She WILL side with her. Your MIL knows what is coming and she knows it’s going to be at least a year of shit. She is stepping back from you. I suggest you do the same and do not involve them in any of what is to come. Be civil and be cordial and use the same vague platitudes of “yes, it’s a shame and I’m very sad about it.” “I’m sure you will support WW through this” etc, etc. Begin to politely exclude your IL’s.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 12:08 PM, May 19th (Monday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3442 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as the inlaws go, assume that she has fed them a whole bucket full of lies that include you are mean, and abusive.

This is their baby girl, and like you would do anything for your son in a time that he is hurting, she is going to manipulate them into doing the same for her.

While they love you, and want to support you, they will be forced to choose, and most likely it won't be on your team, at least not for a while.

The thing is YOU are the only one that can save YOU. YOU are the only one who can stand up for YOU and what YOU and YOUR SON need. Remember this.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7837 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^As Morrissey once crooned, "Stop Me if You Think You've Heard This One Before."


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" because I like the Music City. I did know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 843 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
steadychevy
♂ Member
Member # 42608
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have followed your thread from the beginning. I really feel for you. There is so much in you that feels like me - going to extreme lengths to save a marriage, trying to "nice" her back and I tried to "buy" her back. You have had such valuable input from so many people who have your best interests at heart.

I have not added to the thread because it seemed to me I could add nothing that hadn't already been made available to you. But you need to act. Forget the marriage. It is done. Perhaps reality will set in once divorce proceedings start or even after the divorce is official. You can see from posters that that has happened.

Right now, as has been pointed out to you over and over, you need to make sure you protect your son. You need to do everything legally necessary to make sure his interests and your are legally protected. I worry it may be too late. That your WW and the OM have already beat you to the punch and you are already too far behind. From my perspective you need to act, act swiftly and legally and act with vigor and strength. Do it for your son.

My prayers are with you and I wish you the very best. I hope it is not too late.

Ted


BH(me)63
WW-57
M 37 years
DDay1-09/1/13;DDay2-10/13;DDay3 12/19/13
LTA-09/02-11/02 EA;12/02-?/06 PA
OM -COW
"dates" w/3 former lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment;years of lies, denial

Posts: 56 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Alberta, Canada
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To paraphrase Rhett Butler, frankly Saveus, why do you give a damn about what her mother thinks? You either really like having multiple issues on your plate, or are unable to differentiate between what is important and what is irrelevant. MIL won't be a part of your life should you pull the trigger and divorce.

Here's another two by four: you seem to spend substantial time playing chauffeur to your 5 year old son. Does he ever simply stay home or play with neighbor kids? Most kids do, you know. The Club is toxic and will cause trouble for you down the road. You already know who OM is, and you know he is a tattletale. Can you possibly skip it for a week or two.

Sorry for the two by four hits, but I'm not feeling well, today.


Posts: 749 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
CantSeeInTheDark
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Member # 43231
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, but I felt this was rather below the belt....

Here's another two by four: you seem to spend substantial time playing chauffeur to your 5 year old son. Does he ever simply stay home or play with neighbor kids? Most kids do, you know.

Perhaps it is an activity DS loves? Perhaps where he lives he has to travel? Not everyone has everything on their doorstep.


Me 35y
Him 48y
1 Awesome son 3y

DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014

Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little


Posts: 109 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Gloucestershire
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