The boy is FIVE. There are times that he isn't going to be able to get what he wants.
In this case, if the boy doesn't get to the club (or to the fair with his mom) he isn't going to keel over. There are thousand of other places to go where a five year old would be very happy.
Most importantly, there is NO WAY that I would bring my children to a place where I know there is a likelihood of having direct contact with the POS OM. Why any BS would ever knowingly have their child interact with his wife's affair partner is beyond me.
I know you love your son but there are times to say no. This is one of them.
I had a lot of access myself, especially at first (darned gmail with its unerasable last access information). Knowing what she was planning was invaluable when it came to decisions my lawyer presented. I knew where I would have to fight and where I wouldn't.
From what you say, I think your wife is enjoying the drama. Testing to see how far she can push you and still keep you begging her to stay.
Again, I would urge you to use a VAR when around her, though, at this point, there's absolutely no reason to talk to her at all. She has moved out. She can make arrangements through text or email to visit your son from time to time.
Oh, and here's another vote for no more club visits. Your son is far more resilient than you think. You're going to need to explain to him that your wife has moved out, anyway. There's going to be a lot of change in his life, and he'll handle it better than you think if it's presented properly.
[This message edited by Red Sox Nation at 3:55 PM, May 19th (Monday)]
Going to the club is a different issue because of OM.
DD1 May 2013
DD2 April 2014
Currently wondering how someone who vowed so much, can care so little
You will never go wrong by putting you and your childs needs first and foremost. Protect that, and the rest will eventually fall into place.
from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys
I had to deal with this in my own situation. My STBXW was using our boy's activities to setup rendezvous with the OM because his own sons played the same sports. This was their cover to communicate before I knew what the hell was going on. After Dday, she continued to coordinate the kids activities with the OM, all in the guise of "boys best interest", yet the boys didn't want to participate in some of those activities. Also, my STBXW was trying to set the stage for the "pick me" dance between OM and I at these activities. Keep that in mind as well as to what is happening at your son's club meets. It is highly manipulative self-serving behavior. Ignore it and do what's right and decide what's right for your son's best interest AND protection.
Positive sign is you said you know what you have to do. Then do it!!!! Forget the 180 stuff, it only works if she wants to change. How you can continue to let her just come and go as she pleases to be with the other man is guy wrenching to read.
She refuses NC, so why MC. She will either lie in there or disregard what she says.
The other guy just wants to get laid and you are making it away for him. And her. Over 100 posts and you are still trying to nice her back.
Save us. Get mad!!! Get mad as he'll!!! Stop being victim and start dishing out the punishment. Until you do that you will never stop the torture you are getting
Check in and let us know you're okay.
I have to say, I totally agree with William. Yes, your son will be disappointed for a bit, but he's 5 and will get over it. I teach 5 year olds, and their attention span is limited, lol. If you take him to do something else in place of the club, he will be ok.
Is it fair that your son should have to give something up? No. But, that's the reality. Exposing him to OM is never going to be a good idea.
You said yourself that the club will most likely be closed, soon. I would find an alternative, now.
You got a lot of good advice but in your entire post you repeated the same thing over and over That is I know I shouldn't have but I let my gurd down, or I texted her or said I love you, or I let her do this and that but I know its wrong..... It goes on like that.......
You never learned the basic lesson of infidelity that there is only three options after your spouse cheat on you1.Divorce 2.Reconciliation 3.Living the life of a cuckold or doormat and enabling the A to continue.
continuing her A right under your nose after dday is a different animal than cheating before Dday. She is continuing her fuck fest with OM even after Dday shows how much she values your ability to act, she knows you will take her back the day she comes back to you. We know you too want the same.
She knows the 180 you are trying to implement is a joke, you validated it by slipping every time she text to you some thing... literally you took every bait she put. I can assure you one thing she is not going any ware she will come back to you but its not because of any love for you but its only because you are a safe person to keep on her side.
You are now enabling her A by not taking a firm stand or decision. Do you know how excited she may be by having her OM on her side and you on the other side, a cheater getting more attention and she becoming a prize to win by two men.She have this confidence that is the reason she told you she slept with OM and didn't have sex
If you don't respect yourself no one is going to respect you.
Sending you strength
Don't [my name]! This really isn't helpful. Please look after yourself! X'
You do realize that your wife gave you permission to divorce her.
Read what you posted above. Those are her words.
Her words also confirm she has been having sex with him.
Now is the time to secure your finances, see a solicitor and focus on only you and your boy.
Leave her to Romeo.
Time is your ally. Use it well.
What do you mean your MIL is being standoffish? I sort of thought she was being nice to you?
@UKgirl / @tushnurse: On the same subject, you could well be right that my WW has been complaining to her mum. I'm very well aware of this.
Why, exactly, would you do THAT [take our DS to the fair last Monday]? Because you promised him?
...you seem to spend substantial time playing chauffeur to your 5 year old son
seeking out a known trigger
That said, I haven't exactly dealt with the club/OM problem, granted.
@LifeisCrazy: Ditto what I said above. My DS doesn't EVER demand to go to his club (actually, clubs - Tuesday is somewhere else). So, you wouldn't take YOUR children
to a place where I know there is a likelihood of having direct contact with the POS OM
Listen everyone, I've been away and I'm back, all guns blazing. I know you all mean well and care about my situation, but I'm not going to sit here and take criticism when I feel it is unfair or just plain wrong. I'm going to get my own 2x4s out...
Thanks, by the way, CantSeeInTheDark
How did the bank holiday weekend go for you? What are the arrangements for this half term? What is the current situation between you/WW/OM? Have you seen the CAB/family law solicitor?
Do you have a plan of action or are you in “wait and see” mode?
Whatever your situation, please tell me that you have separated your finances and removed your WW’s name from as many accounts as possible. It’s all precautionary and can be cancelled or changed at any time. On the flip side, it it’s impossible do some things retrospectively and you may wish you had taken action on some aspects before the opportunity closed.
Have some time out from this crap and have fun with your DS this holiday.