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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I will Blow!! Response Help for NpD psycho Deadbeat
btrayedbyhim
♀ Member
Member # 26941
Flame  Posted: 8:25 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am ready to blow!!!

This DEADBEAT DAD NPD (with sociopath traits) who was convicted of DV against me...is on probation for it...I have a 2-yr PO against...who doesnt pay the CS he agreed to in writing...and has done the most psycho evil things like hold DS11's meds hostage until I come see him, has requested visitation ONCE in 45 days (and forfeits that cuz he wont pay me $10 to have DS11 dropped at his place as he says he cldnt meet @ middle location, & most recently last Monday let our ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD & that of our kids be auctioned off over $577 WITHOUT TELLING ME!!! I found out after the fact & left him a hysterical, tearful vm "how could you not tell me? It was everything we & the kids owned?". (See my other posts for details).

SI gave me advice to go NC (as he likes to engage in crazy text wars). Crickets from me. Its been 10 days since my last contact re: storage. Here is what Ive gotten from him:

Friday 9pm: " Friday night thunderstorm... Thinking about the times we laid in bed with the curtains open and watched the lightning. Just sayin'."

Monday 6:45am: " Must be nice waking up next to a warm body... Even if it's his.

It's actually really weird not hearing from you all the time." (...stbx stalking me?).

And today at 545AM!!!:
"The car loan place keeps calling me-what should I tell them? If you dont answer I will just change my phone number.

On a separate note, when can I see DS11?"

And then today at 8:30am:
" No response for a request to see DS11, huh?"

REALLY??????
I want to say...
"YOU F**K! YOU PUPOSELY LET EVERYTHING WE HAVE GO...MEMORIES...VALUABLE STUFF...EVERYTHING WE HAVE ACCUMULATED OUR ENTIRE LIVES (INCLUDING OUR KIDS STUFF) TENS IF THOUSANDS OF $ WORTH WITHOUT A PEEP BEFORE OR AN APOLOGY AFTER! I ASK FOR $ SO DS11 CAN HAVE FOOD AND YOU REFUSE!!! YOU DONT PAY THE CHILD SUPPORT YOU AGREED TO AND WANT $ FROM ME FOR THE CAR LOAN? WHEN I MADE EVERY STORAGE PAYMENT & YOU JUST PISSED IT AWAY? (I SHOULD SUE YOU FOR THAT!) YOU NEVER ASK FOR VISITATION & WHENYOU HAVE INTHE PAST YOU COULDNT ABIDE BY THE 1-WEEKS NOTICE? AND THE ONE TIME YOU HAD IT SCHEDULED YOU GAVE IT UP JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDNT WANT TO GIVE ME A MEASELY $10!! AND NOW YOU TEXT ME AT F**KING 5:45AM FOR VISITATION & HARRASS ME ABOUT IT AGAIN 3 HOURS LATER???"

He has not answered questions Ive asked...and he wants me to respond to his visitation request before DS11 even has breakfast (no thanks to him).

WHAT / HOW SHOULD I REPLY?

ETA:

I suppose I could say:
"Giving me 3 hours from your PRE-dawn text is unreasonable. I will need to look at my schedule & that of DS11 & get back to you. In the mean time, why dont you answer these questions. By the time you answer, I should have a response for you:
1) When & how much can I expect a child support payment.
2) How do you plan to take care of your arrears in child support?
3) What is the outcome of the storage unit you let go to auction? Have you had any communication with or from storage?


[This message edited by btrayedbyhim at 1:09 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)]


As of Dec 2009:
Me: BS46
Him: FWH39 - NPD
Married: 20+ years
Kids: 3
D-Day: 9-28-09
Spent 4 yrs trying. He blew it.
Arrested for DV: 9-6-13
Fuck Him

Posts: 397 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: an island at the beach (aka heaven)
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Looks like the only issue needing a response is the request to see DS11. Pick a date and time at least one week in the future and send,

"You may pick DS11 up at w location on x day at y o'clock. You may drop him back off at x location at z o'clock."

Nothing else needed. Do NOT give him the option of you dropping off DS11 at his place.

If you want to address the car loan issue, I'd contact the bank directly. Don't go through the POS at all.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1658 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Cookie7088
♀ Member
Member # 30038
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...I have a 2-yr PO against

Uhmmm, more than anything....why would you be in contact with him regarding anything but Child Visitation. Keep it to those facts only.

You have a Personal Protection Order against him...this means that YOU feel your life and safety are threatened and you are in danger. Continued communication started by you, or continued by you, can be perceived as no threat! Stop contact now, if you want the P.O. to be taken seriously by the courts....many times, the court see this as a mockery of the system.

He should not be having any communications to you other than those allowed through the P.O. -- anything else, a violation.

Stop contacting him, he is baiting you.


Posts: 654 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: U.S.
btrayedbyhim
♀ Member
Member # 26941
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The PO allows contact via text & email. Also church & school (for DS sake). It does not specify subject matter.

[This message edited by btrayedbyhim at 11:48 AM, April 30th (Wednesday)]


As of Dec 2009:
Me: BS46
Him: FWH39 - NPD
Married: 20+ years
Kids: 3
D-Day: 9-28-09
Spent 4 yrs trying. He blew it.
Arrested for DV: 9-6-13
Fuck Him

Posts: 397 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: an island at the beach (aka heaven)
peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you looked into post-separation battering tactics? This is classic behavior for DV perpetrators. Do you have an advocate? an IC who has some experience with DV survivors? Do not do this alone! {{hugs}}

Agreed with the language Gemini proposed. Give him no wiggle room. If he has any sense he can push boundaries he will.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I urge you to find legal representation and conduct all communication with your ex through that representation. If you are unable to pay for this on your own, you need to be working with a domestic violence organization. You are being abused and threatened. This is not something you should be doing alone. You need additional boots on the ground, as they say, there with you to assist. This is bigger than you.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 6

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