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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Did anybody else do this?
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have gotten to a point in this journey where I will think about him, stop myself, and think "you don't deserve a f***ing thought." That is been happening to me the last month or so. I will say it causes me to toss the thought of him aside pretty quickly and go on with my day which is awesome! But it also has made me wonder why I cared that he left in the first place.


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like healing to me

I too have tried the same approach of actively telling the thought of her to piss off. The first few times, I'd catch myself still dwelling on things though I told myself I wouldn't. She still ruined whole days for me even without me having any contact with her. That still happens sometimes. However, I also remember the first time this approach really did work. I said "get out of my f**king head," and she did. That was a very good day, and there's been more like them. I hope they become the norm rather than the exception soon though.

[This message edited by MadeOfScars at 2:42 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)]


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1220 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
DepressedDaddy
♂ Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Acceptance is a wondrous thing. Once we hit our moment of clarity, we wonder why we were pining over it in the first place.

Take pride in the strides you are making in your progress. Keep working hard!


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 811 | Registered: Dec 2013
LeftOutintheCold
♀ Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stop myself, and think "you don't deserve a f***ing thought.

Maybe I should try this approach^^^^

It does sound like healing to me too.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
imwideawake
♀ Member
Member # 23386
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I've gotten there. It's a great place to be. A place I hoped, but doubted if I'd ever be there. When I think of sad stuff these days I hear a voice that says, "you don't have to think about this, you have a choice ". And I let it go.


Together 17 years.
Married 15
Me: BW, now 44
Him WH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now 19, 17, & 15
Divorced 12/04/12

Posts: 893 | Registered: Mar 2009
sadcountryboy
♂ Member
Member # 43058
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm starting to do that. I have went back over everything and realized the last year of our marriage was nothing but lies and deception. She doesn't deserve my thoughts. Even though they are still there. 1 day at a time. Get busy and stay busy. Don't sit around too much. You're mind wanders too much when you are sitting around. Get up and get out there and start doing something for you. I have a dog that I love dearly, so he's always eager to do something. It helps a lot.


Me: BH 34
Her: WW 30
Lived together 5-1/2 years
Married almost 2 years
D-Day 3/17/14
Affair for 8 months with a married man at her job
I don't even know who she is. Maybe never did.
Separated 3/21/14
headed to D

Posts: 67 | Registered: Apr 2014
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But it also has made me wonder why I cared that he left in the first place.

I know, right? My first big belly laugh happened when a GF and I were having a beers and tears session (wine, actually) talking about how these muppets broke our hearts. I said to her: "Can you believe that ugly arsed, dull, dim witted guy broke my heart and has me crying on the floor? I mean, seriously, THAT guy? That guy? Really?? I just can't believe it." She agreed her cheating X was equally not so special.

I meant it in all seriousness but as soon as I said it we were both falling over ourself laughing for a good 30 minutes. Even on his best day he wasn't that great.

I did love him once but he certainly wasn't worthy of all of this angst and wailing. Not that anyone is but it's not like I lost a faithful, smart, sexy Keanu Reeves dream guy type of person. I 'lost' a mediocre at best guy - even with my rose coloured glasses on.

Holy lightbulb moment.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 7

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