I'm just shaking uncontrollably now. I am going to have to tell my parents, his mom, our kids.
Why so fast? Is it so he doesn't lose his nerve? Does he have no empathy for me at all? Doesn't he love his kids enough to try to keep their family together? He is such a great dad otherwise.
I feel like I have been thrown away like a used tissue.
im so sorry.
wish i could say something comforting to you.
please just take care of you and the kids right now. thats all that matters.
sending you hugs,,,,
That is a very cruel way to find out. I'm very sorry you are going through this right now. Clearly he has no empathy for you.
I can see you have been here on SI for a very long time. That's too long a time to get hit with something like this. I feel for you hm.
As for the kids, yes they will be hurt too. But you can help control and minimize that.
I'm very sorry hm. We are here for you.
I trust that your family, and probably his, will support you once you work up the courage to tell them. Your kids will struggle for a while, no doubt, but they will recover and so will you.
Wishing you peace and strength tonight.
BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo
Does he have no empathy for me at all? Doesn't he love his kids enough to try to keep their family together? He is such a great dad otherwise.
He is showing you who he is. Believe him.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Sending you strength.
Hell of a way to find out!
OMG!! I am so sorry for you, sweetie! You have been here for awhile so this isn't your first rodeo. He probably NEVER IMAGINED the divorce lawyers or whoever would alert you for your business like...yesterday. He is too busy getting HIS affairs in order before you get served.
We all feel like a used tissue. People who can do this HAVE NO empathy. The startling thing is that he's doing this now after all this time KNOWING that he cheated before.
It's hard...but let him go. He is a cancer in your life and your kids.
47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.
What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that
My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23
I'm so sorry. Of course you feel discarded. But his throwing you away has NO bearing on your worth. His actions can't change that you deserve more even if they signal that, sadly, he is not the person who can give you what you do deserve.
As much as I understand your wondering about why he's done this, and what it means, try as best you can not to obsess about him and his motives and his mindset. Bring your focus to you and your kids where it belongs. Be good to yourself. Muster up your army. Know that you will get through this and one day, it will just be part of your past that made you stronger.
[This message edited by norabird at 1:51 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]
Kind of funny. I got lost on my way to work today . I've worked at this job for 13 years.
I hope you get a L yesterday...Thru the L pull your WH's credit history, find out what your WH has done with marital assets (if anything) and find out what is going on with his motion for D...Do this in stealth mode..
Be prepared that more similar mail can arrive if YOU file...
Maybe you can put in a request somewhere along the way that NOTHING pertaining to what you do legally gets advertised and mailed out..
[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:15 AM, May 2nd (Friday)]
1. He has shown you who he really is, and now he has confirmed that it's nothing to do with you, and he has made it clear he doesn't want to change.
That's pretty awesome really. He is giving you the out. You deserve more, and at least he is allowing you to have it.
2. You get to start fresh, and have your life focus on you, and your kids. That is just awesome. You no longer have to pretend all is well. Your parents, your family, your friends, you will be amazed at the love and support that comes flowing to you. this is not your secret to bear, and certainly is not because of you. That will be obvious to those you love.
3. You have a whole life in front of you. Take the time to figure out who you are now, and enjoy it. Life from this point will begin for you.
He has shown you who he is, believe him. I do have to disagree on the statement that he is a great dad. A great dad would at least have the balls and common sense to sit down with you and tell you what he is doing so you both can share it with the kids. A good dad would put their needs ahead of his wants and wills. He has never done this.
We are here for you. We will support you, and you will be amazed at how wonderful it will feel to have this constant worry, concern, and anxiety gone.
Happen to me too (10 yr false R). Keep posting here. Do 180.
I too feel thrown away like a used tissue after 26 yrs.
I will get back to you, my son has prom today and I need to help him get ready.
This is not your WH anymore. This is your foe. He struck the first blow in this war, but what counts is the final outcome. So make darned sure that you get yourself a lawyer who will fight for what you deserve.
Take this weekend to regroup and to figure out exactly, what you must have from this divorce (custody, child support, etc.), and what you would like to have, and what you can use as bargaining chips. Ask for everything upfront. Absolutely everything. That gives you a place to negotiate. And while you may be enraged at what he 'offers" you, remember, your lawyer will tell you what you're legally entitled to, so keep that firmly in mind and don't allow yourself to be thrown by what's likely to be his penny-ante tactics. As I'm sure that you know, there is a wonderful group in the Separation and Divorce forum. Please do go down there and introduce yourself if you haven't already.
And hard as it will be, I'd use this weekend to contact all of your and his family, as well as friends, and out him. He's made his bed, at least make sure that the dirty sheets have his name written on them vice letting him write yours on them.
I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm hoping that this is, however, the beginning of the end of that pain. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
You have received excellent advice here. Just saying I'm another person thinking of you and sending you love and 'be strong' vibes. You can do this!
DD #1 26 August 2013 - EA on FB and phone with a former flame OW#2 for about 8 months
DD #2 30 April 2014 - EA/PA for 10 months in 2011 with OW#1
Hoping for R