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User Topic: Wedding video
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Costco had a sale last month, so WH decided to take in all of our old videos & have them converted to DVDs. Now they are ready, & the link came in the email.
Lots of cute videos of the kids when they were young, & its funny how when you see them, you relive the moment & remember exactly what you were thinking then.

Of course, our Wedding video was there too.
I should have burned that on Dday.

So, I made the mistake of watching it today.

It's all there. Our friends & family---some are gone now.
Us, blissfully happy, taking our vows.
Putting the rings on each other's fingers.
We promised to love, honor, & cherish each other & be faithful.

Those vows are crystal clear---there is no room for doubt about what they mean.
Of course, WH should have added, at the end of his vows: "until a SLUT throws herself on me."

Just like WH, I work with members of the opposite sex too. Men have "come on" to me since I got married, & I walked the other way & stayed away. There was never any question about that for me. I found it insulting that they had so little respect for my husband, my marriage & family.

But you see, that's the difference between me & WH:

My identity was "WE", & his identity was "me".
I would never do anything without first thinking how it would affect him & the kids.

I have read hundreds of books since Dday, been to hours of counseling, cried an ocean of tears, talked & talked & talked , & been on this site for many many hours...

& I still don't have the answer.
What about the vows you made to that person? I guess they mean nothing to you. How can you do that to your life partner & the parent of your children?
Someone tell me.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 9:19 PM, May 1st (Thursday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
Ivyivy
♀ Member
Member # 42110
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear your pain and understand exactly what you are saying. I am still looking for answers too.


Me -BW
Him - WH
LTA
DS - 11 and DD - 15

Posts: 176 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast
Ivyivy
♀ Member
Member # 42110
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear your pain and understand exactly what you are saying. I am still looking for answers too.


Me -BW
Him - WH
LTA
DS - 11 and DD - 15

Posts: 176 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my wh told me he didnt love me at the time of his affairs.

it doesnt make me feel better to hear that, but its true.

now he loves me.

i've always loved him.

i dont understand it either.


Posts: 508 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I said to my WH: "How could you do this, knowing how much it would hurt me?"
My WH said: "I wasn't thinking about you at all."


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That had to be hard to watch. I have destroyed so many pictures, letters, and cards in the last two years. I know where the wedding video is and have contemplated destroying it a few times.

That said,

Wh has told me I simply did not factor into his thinking. I never entered his mind. I was a non-person in his world.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 430 | Registered: Jan 2013
one2ndchance
♀ Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can you do that to your life partner & the parent of your children?

They do it because they are weak, self indulgent, and dishonest. They are flawed...as we all are....only more so.

Your choice is to accept that about them and believe them when they say they will change, or walk away from them.

I, sadly, have done both.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((mchercheur))))),

I am so sorry for this continued pain. It just doesn't make sense to us, does it?

My WH said: "I wasn't thinking about you at all."
Well, why the hell NOT? Because thinking of you would have meant he'd have to face the fact that he was, or was going to be, unfaithful? Because he'd have to face the kind of man he is/was? Because he didn't want to think of you, and if he did, he wouldn't get what he wanted (and what he wanted was the slut)?

How easily some people can compartmentalize and put any responsibility for their actions off to the side, because of thoughtlessness.

I would never do anything without first thinking how it would affect him & the kids.
You are thoughtful, you have thoughtfulness to the core of your being--that component was (is?) missing in him.

(((((((mchercheur)))))))


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo

Posts: 342 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
BreatheAgain10
♀ Member
Member # 32657
Default  Posted: 12:31 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have nothing better to say than what others above have already written...
I just wanted to ((HUG)) you bc I know how it hurts you. We're here with you mchercheur!


By God's blessing we've survived, but the scars are still tender to the touch.
BW: Me 34yrs FWH: 29yrs
Latest D-Day 04/29/2010
Together: 12yrs Married: 10yrs
DS:16yrs DS:9yrs. DS:Due 6/25/14
Main D-Day that hurts is #4 4/29/10
OW=Yuck!

Posts: 261 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Sunny So. Cal.
Topic Posts: 9

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