Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Did I overreact by canceling this date?
mixedemotions
♀ Member
Member # 35810
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Asurvivor - no upset feelings at all, I'm thankful for the feedback and pumped at the idea of changing something I hadn't realized before. Thank you for the preface though, that was really sweet. The miffed feeling came from feeling like our date had been downgraded. To me, a weekend evening date sends a much different message than a workday lunch date. Weekend evening seems more romantic, open-ended, special...workday lunch feels casual. I wouldn't have felt entitled to one over the other, and I can see lots of different alternatives on this - maybe he just wanted the first available option, maybe he was feeling my resistance or was feeling negative himself and wanted to scale things back, maybe he didn't think that much into it at all...also I do believe any kind of date any day, anytime can feel romantic depending on who you're with. The biggest thing that bothered me was
that he'd said "be thinking of what night you'd like me to take you out this weekend" and then changed it to Friday lunch. As I'm typing it out it seems less significant...but at the time something about it didn't feel good.

I really wonder where the line is between sense of entitlement and wanting to feel really special in a healthy way. I think that's the main point I'm struggling with on this...less about overreaction and more about expectations. Should we be more relaxed earlier on? I'd been thinking that's when people are trying to make the best impression, but maybe with all the opportunities for miscommunication, nerves, etc, it's better to ease up and expect the romance later?

He texted the last couple of days and we chatted a little bit but I'm realizing I'm just not interested. That could have been some of the negativity and maybe that'll take care of itself if I'm more compatible with someone else...but I will definitely pay attention to that next time and explore where it's coming from.

Helen - I was asking out of self-reflection for future situations with other guys, but not about reconsidering a date with him. I wouldn't have expected he'd want to go out after I told him I was canceling and was surprised he texted the next day.

Dreamboat - I wasn't at work for the morning appointment and he knew that, he also knows I'm somewhat new in town and don't know many areas or restaurants. He used to work in the restaurant industry and knows a lot more places than me. We'd also agreed that since he was driving back from being out of town we'd meet somewhere on his route so it would be convenient for him, that was a big part of the problem for me...when I didn't hear from him I didn't know what time to expect him back or what part of town to meet him in.

I think you're totally right about the potential for miscommunication, especially when we don't know someone's personality, intention, etc...and I think you could be onto something that he thought he was being considerate by waiting until then.

What I'm taking away from this experience is to check my negativity and make sure I'm sending the right message (no texting pun intended ) if I'm talking with someone I'm not entirely interested in to make sure to really be open-minded and not nit picky, or if I can't do that then don't keep talking to them, also to be sure to clarify both sides so I don't make assumptions.

Thanks everybody. This was really helpful!


Me: Former BW, 28
Divorced 10/11/12
He didn't show up for the D...very fitting, seeing as he didn't show up for the M, either : )
"What did not demolish me simply polished me, now the clearer I can see" - India Arie

Posts: 382 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Back in the Southeast!
Topic Posts: 21
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.