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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: porn addiction
SelfishHusband
♂ Member
Member # 43174
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hopefully you didn't click on this post looking for super hot XXX action, but if, like me, you had/have a big problem with porn and/or masturbating, and maybe that helped contribute to your dysfunction, I wanted to share this compelling post I found about it:


I went cold turkey on d-day, about 2 weeks ago, and aside for a very brief, and uh, incomplete setback I haven't given in to any of my urges, and those seem to be less now, quite frankly.

Anyway I *have* felt more motivated to fix things and accomplish things. I don't know whether it's because of this or because I feel great having no more dirty sordid secrets.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:35 AM, July 16th (Wednesday)]


Me: FWH (39)
Her: BW (34)
DDay 1: March 2013 (EA/PA that *I* rugswept)
DDay 2: April 2014 (PA with double betrayal. OW was wife's friend)
Married: 13 Years
1 Handsome and Amazing Son (10)

Posts: 384 | Registered: Apr 2014
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously SelfishHusband, you thought this thread title was a good idea? On SI? Where people are struggling with sex or porn addictions, or BPs who are devastated by their WPs' sex or porn addictions look at this forum?

Insensitive, to say the least.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1234 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good grief. How is it I have only noticed this thread?

I seriously worry about the title triggering the BS of SA waywards. I know your intentions were good, SH but perhaps ask if the mods can change it.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1253 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
SelfishHusband
♂ Member
Member # 43174
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ehhh, true, me being one of them. Another example of menot thinking. It doesn't appear I can edit the title though, or delete and repost for that matter


Me: FWH (39)
Her: BW (34)
DDay 1: March 2013 (EA/PA that *I* rugswept)
DDay 2: April 2014 (PA with double betrayal. OW was wife's friend)
Married: 13 Years
1 Handsome and Amazing Son (10)

Posts: 384 | Registered: Apr 2014
SelfishHusband
♂ Member
Member # 43174
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked to have the subject changed...


Me: FWH (39)
Her: BW (34)
DDay 1: March 2013 (EA/PA that *I* rugswept)
DDay 2: April 2014 (PA with double betrayal. OW was wife's friend)
Married: 13 Years
1 Handsome and Amazing Son (10)

Posts: 384 | Registered: Apr 2014
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PM for you SelfishHusband


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37398 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
sunnyrain
♀ Member
Member # 30164
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see the problem? This is the WS forum. If we can't be ourselves here, where are we supposed to go?

SH, glad to hear you are making progress. Good for you!


"I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne."

Posts: 450 | Registered: Nov 2010
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because BS read in here and the title might be a trigger for someone.

Vent threads or subjects which might be a trigger for BS usually have a warning in the title so that they have a choice on whether to view or not.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1253 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

***Posting as a member***

Selfish,
I think your title is fine based on it being something you are struggling with. If this post had pics and whatnot that would be different. When I was a new BS, I stayed out of this forum (didn't even open this forum) when I joined because it was triggery. It's good to hear you are working on yourself and have no more secrets. Sending you strength.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:55 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)]


Posts: 35898 | Registered: Mar 2011
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a BS, and I don't see a problem with it. A BS has a choice to venture into this forum or not, ANY topic could be triggery for a BS.

I actually thought it was a post about HB.

I'm glad you are motivated to continue on this journey to an authentic life.


Posts: 7593 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
SelfishHusband
♂ Member
Member # 43174
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I was trying to be a little tongue-in-cheek about something that I myself have had a problem with. That's just my personality I guess. Know that I didn't do it to offend anyone. I had good intentions but it was insensitive regardless. I did mean well and I did asked for it to be changed and I hoped it would be changed by now. My apologies to all offended.


Me: FWH (39)
Her: BW (34)
DDay 1: March 2013 (EA/PA that *I* rugswept)
DDay 2: April 2014 (PA with double betrayal. OW was wife's friend)
Married: 13 Years
1 Handsome and Amazing Son (10)

Posts: 384 | Registered: Apr 2014
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Red  Posted: 6:24 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wayward Spouses working on their issues is the purpose of the Wayward forum. They should not be censoring themselves for fear of triggering a BS. There's even built in protection (the Stop Sign) if they want to use it.

SelfishHusband,

If you want the name changed, please respond to my PM.

Everyone else,

Let's stop discussing the title and start discussing the content.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37398 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
tryingmybest2011
♀ Member
Member # 32584
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For what it's worth, I also thought it was a HB thread.


BS: me - 37
WH: him - 37
DD: 8
DD: 11 mos

Married over 9 years, together for 18.

DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).

In limbo.


Posts: 323 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
RippedSoul
♀ Member
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm the BS of an SLAWH. The title caught my eye (obviously, or I wouldn't be responding here) but didn't offend or trigger me. The world's too full of pornographic/near-pornographic images for a few words to trigger me, unfortunately. Walking through the mall or watching commercials on TV is far worse.

Anyway, kudos to you, SelfishH. Keep up the good work!


BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 461 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SelfishHusband, as a BS, I think it's nice of you to want to share something you found helpful. Many of us have a WS affected by porn to some degree. I really appreciate you sharing this find with others.

Thank you


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
SorrowfulSoul
♀ New Member
Member # 42817
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, May 4th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my question is porn ever not bad? If not bad, when is porn Ok and when is it too much? I don't like porn, don't want to watch porn, don't want to be asked to watch porn. My BH does look at some porn online and has JO to it. Is that OK? Is it OK in a marriage where both partners are aware of porn use and are fine with it? BH has basically said doesn't matter where you get the appetite as long as you come home to eat.

We have three grown daughters who are in their 30's. What if they worked in a strip club or in porn movies. What does my H think of someone staring at them, getting their jollies and JO thinking of them. All sex workers, no matter what they do, are someone's daughter, someone's sister, cousin or mother.

I have a difficult time with this. Because I am the wayward spouse, nothing in my BH's mind is a bad as committing adultery which I agree is horrendous. I had actual, physical sex many times in a LTA and how can that compare to looking at porn. If I mention anything about porn use, I am shut down immediately, so obviously it is OK in his mind.

He does not use a lot of porn, I would say not addicted in any way, but I do not feel that it is OK. Is this not an infidelity in itself, or am I just looking at some excuse to take the pressure off of me? This is not new, my adversion to porn.I was recently away for a week, helping a daughter with a new baby and while I was gone, BH looked at porn and JO twice. What are other's opinion on "recreational" porn for lack of a better word? Is there such a thing as recreational?


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30

Posts: 13 | Registered: Mar 2014
determinata
Member
Member # 42124
Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, May 4th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I will say this: I get that the title is supposed to be funny, ironic clickbait. But if my SAWH clicks on this thread title, it constitutes acting out, period, and he would need to be held accountable.

So now this thread, which is about sobriety, is both a temptation to a sex addict; a trigger to (some) betrayed spouses and a violation of many people's definitions of outer circle / verboten behaviors--just because of the title.

Congratulations on your period of abstinence, SelfishHusband.

[This message edited by determinata at 2:22 AM, May 4th (Sunday)]


M 2007. DDay 2008
~10+ CL Prostitutes in 8 months
Divorcing SAWH "ActionsOverWords"
Me: Early 30s BW (also an adult OC) w Baby DS

6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay


Posts: 288 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, May 4th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations on the abstinence, SH.

That said, I've found that my strongest impulse/demotivator is the realization that my creativity -- one of the few things I really do enjoy about myself and the expression thereof -- has a big tendency to suffer when my mind is hooked into pornography. No porn = lots of creativity that I can share with loved ones.

That's helped me on more than a few occasions, and I'm up to counting months now!


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
determinata
Member
Member # 42124
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SH,
Just wondering on how your abstinence is going. Best wishes.


M 2007. DDay 2008
~10+ CL Prostitutes in 8 months
Divorcing SAWH "ActionsOverWords"
Me: Early 30s BW (also an adult OC) w Baby DS

6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay


Posts: 288 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
DrJekyll
♂ Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally I am coming up on my 1 year anniversary of being porn free. I looked at porn 2-3 times a week. Taking care of my business and did this for years. I only have urges that peek their head after a week of no release. But in the beginning that was only 2-3 days so for me progress. Thought I would share my experiences.


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I d


Posts: 707 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 31
Pages: 1 · 2

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