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User Topic: I said S he said D
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He just told me that I have to decide today if I was going to R and know it would work, or D nothing in between. He won't live in limbo.

I told him since he needed an answer today and separation wasn't a good enough answer then definitely D.

It is really like the monster is back. I don't know him. I am sad, heart broken really, but also peaceful. Looking forward to a new adventure.

This shit sucks, and because he got so mean today dealing out punishments, threatened to turn my phone off, now two of my kids are so mad they want nothing to do with him.

I still just wish he could see how much his selfishness cost everybody around him. Not just me.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
brokengirl37
♀ Member
Member # 42530
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((HUGS))))

I am so sorry he is being an asshole. Wishing you strength and peace Breezy. You got this!!


Me: 38
WH : 40
2 Boys Age 10, 13
D-Day Feb 16 2014
OW: My Co-worker

Posts: 66 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Canada
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Goodness this man has nerve.


You are a few months out from dday2, from finding out he took the A underground. And he expects you to tell him it's all gonna be ok, poor muffin, or it's over, because HE can't live in limbo.


He can eat shit.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7437 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cool. If that's his option, then full guns ahead! Get your own phone on your own plan, start setting yourself up to be independent of him, and get his ass served. His choices, his consequences. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4811 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the bad treatment. Looks like he has chosen for u


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. I need words of encouragement. Today I can't even manage to get out of bed. I will have everything lined up and get things moving Monday. Until then I may stay in bed the whole time.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Breezy150))))))

You don't have to get out of bed today. If you need to hide away, it's ok. Take care of you.

But Monday...grab those bitch boots, strap them on, and kick his sorry ass out of your way. You don't have time for him and his bullshit. You've wasted enough time on him.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7437 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, that is the plan. Hide today, gather strength, and fight!


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
NoMorDeceit
♀ Member
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry. He is clueless, selfish, and still fully buried in wayward thinking. R is really all about how much HE does, how hard HE works to help you heal, then and ONLY then can you even make a reasonable and logical decision to begin the journey to R...in which HE will still do a majority of the heavy lifting and a so sorry to his royal selfishness, but there are NO guarantees in life. Ugh. He just wants to rugsweep and go back to his old ways.


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 522 | Registered: Apr 2009
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you can see this for the blessing that it is. You no mo get have to doubt if he is lying or really trying. You no longer have to tolerate his emotional abuse.
He just handed you the clean slate to get away fron him and learn to be happy with you. Accept his gift. He is small broken and too much of a pussy to even attempt to heal himself.
Start your to do list. Find happiness in your kids and know this is the new beginning you deserve.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8540 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all again. I do see it that way. I am terrified but excited terrified. I have married to this man since I was 17. My kids are grown, I can discover or reinvent ME. I haven't worked for anyone but him for 20 years or so and that is the scariest part with social anxiety and PTSD, but that is just another thing to conquer. I will not only live but I will thrive.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Breezy honey I strongly believe and have said it before I think that when he is no longer a problem in your life everyday that your social anxieties and phobias are going to greatly improve.
His abuse, his tearing down of you on a daily basis goes way beyond what you realize. You will be stronger, and happier.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8540 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is no venom in true remorse - whether in R or S/D.

The sad clown also flipped the feral switch once he realised I was serious. I'm glad I stuck to my guns because it just fast forwarded a process that may have otherwise taken several more years of False R and another DD. That would be a hard thing to forgive myself for.

His complete lack of remorse really was a gift that freed me well before I had the strength or courage to free myself.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5561 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tushnurse thank you for all of your kind words and I do agree about that, I had them almost under control when dday hit. I had found strength going through the murder trials and my anxieties were almost gone my PTSD was triggered so rarely that I considered it gone. Then dday hit and right back to square one.

SBB I agree much better now than later for sure. I never jumped in all the way for R, just offered the gift if he did the work, then true to form for me, I started doing his work. I started grabbing at any little thread that he would get it but I was fooling myself.

I am not sure even if he was remorseful and doing everything perfect that it still wouldn't have been a deal breaker for me. The timing killed the marriage as much as the A, he abandoned us when we needed him most. After the murder my son lived with us, we dealt with death threats,swat actually guarded our home on that Christmas Day until all the murders were found and arrested, attempted suicides, drug abuse, and four of us diagnosed with PTSD, only WH didn't have it because he pretended it didn't happen and started an A.

I am strong because with my guidance and perseverance my family overcame every one of those things I mentioned above. We won't ever be the same as before the murder, but we are stronger and we did it all without him, we don't need him now.

Sorry, wow, that rambled and kinda turned into a rant. Lol


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for the hurt he has brought to you.

I also read your profile. ((Breezy150)), you deserve so many blessings. I am glad your son is leading a happy life too.

Peace to you both.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2292 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will not only live but I will thrive.
You absolutely will, Breezy. (((((hugs)))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25397 | Registered: Aug 2011
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you nowiknow and LA44. I love the support I get here, wouldn't be as strong without all of you.

LA44 thank you for the kind words about my son. I am amazed at the man he has become after so much tragedy. He is an inspiration to me.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, May 4th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Breezy)))

Your excitement about your new life is wonderful and really infectious.

And i am amazed you have grandchildren at such a young age. How fantastic.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5115 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, May 4th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((breezy))) I hope you are waking up to a similar beautiful spring morning that I am.
You are so strong. You are more than capable. You are not only going to survive this you are going to thrive.

Please get up today, and look in the mirror and tell yourself
"I am strong, capable, smart, and awesome, I deserve more than what I have now and i am going to take it today!"

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8540 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, May 4th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Tushnurse that is exactly what I needed to wake up and read. Spent my first night in my new basement area, and it wasn't bad.

Of course as soon as I started moving he started the "I'm sorry, I will do anything." When I say no he says "I am just pointing out that I am trying so this decision is all on you. Manipulation 101. I told him it's time to work on himself not to try and work on me. I feel pretty good this morning too especially after crying half the night.

Edie I was a grandma the same month I turned 35, young yes but they are the lights of my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I was barely 17 when I married WH and our daughter was born 6 weeks later.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 20

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