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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Trust regained
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I thought about posting this in Recon, but wayward is where I started, and since there are so many here that are, will be, struggling with the trust issue in their M, I wanted to share a story of hope here.

About a month or so ago, HL and I were having a conversation about what I am going to do for my future career. In this conversation it happened to come up that HL said to me that he was solid with who I am as his wife, that he knew he could count on me in any situation and know that I am good, that I will be there for him. What he was saying at the time struck me as being big but I could not put my finger on it, and I continued to roll it around in my head. I have rolled it around in my head off and on for the past month and a few days ago while reading something here on SI, it all of the sudden struck me why it was big. He was saying that he trusted me now. After four years, he knew that he could trust me again. This was big, it was huge. I sat with that for a couple of days before I talked to him. I needed to know how I felt about that.

First off, I am humbled. I honestly never expected it back. I have never had a problem with him asking or needing to know where I am or what is going on. I can do that until the day I die if that is what he needs. To know that he feels that I am worthy of his trust again, that I have changed to a point that he can go there again, well, I honestly don't know what to say except I love you HL and thank you.

For those of you that think that it might never happen, that are just starting out, I wrote this to give you some hope. Keep it up, don't give up working on you. Your life and your M can be recovered and changed.

[This message edited by tired girl at 3:35 PM, May 5th (Monday)]


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's brilliant!

Really happy for you guys. You two are inspirational :)


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1143 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sitting at my desk smiling. You're good people and you deserve good things. I'm so glad for both of you.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6519 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Proud of you both.... love you girlie.


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5764 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys.

Love you too MJ


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing.

It's crazy how crucial hope is, and difficult it can be to find at times.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 365 | Registered: Dec 2013
hardlessons
♂ Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TG, your hard work and incredible effort and love and support and just plain "keepin it real" makes trusting you easy and loving you even easier.


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 878 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TG, your hard work and incredible effort and love and support and just plain "keepin it real" makes trusting you easy and loving you even easier.
Oh c'mon youse guys. Quit with the mushy junk.

J/k j/k

Way to go both of you. Good stuff.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6045 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1380 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TG, your hard work and incredible effort and love and support and just plain "keepin it real" makes trusting you easy and loving you even easier.

Thank you HL


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh, hi HL!!!


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5764 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
sunnyrain
♀ Member
Member # 30164
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And they lived happily ever after. Congrats!

Posts: 333 | Registered: Nov 2010
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dang, now I'm crying. Thanks, y'all.

Seriously, that is beautiful and I'm happy for y'all.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2654 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad to hear this. I am very happy for both of you to get to this point. Thanks for sharing the hope.

Posts: 6137 | Registered: Dec 2010
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, May 6th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

awwww!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6519 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, May 6th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HL said to me that he was solid with who I am as his wife, that he knew he could count on me in any situation and know that I am good, that I will be there for him.

^^ Wow, I SO long to regain that kind of feeling for my fWH. I miss that so much.... Reading this gives me hope that eventually we will get there. He is doing everything he can to prove to me that he is trustworthy, but I'm having a hard time being that vulnerable again. Hoping that in a couple of years we will be where you are now. Thanks for sharing


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 908 | Registered: Oct 2012
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, May 6th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TG)))

I'm so very happy for you both!! A lot of hard work and deep conversations brought you both to this place together...I have a huge smile on my face!

Wonderful news to read...truly


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196305 | Registered: May 2002
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, May 6th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yay!!


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4471 | Registered: Dec 2010
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, May 6th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I SO long to regain that kind of feeling for my fWH. I miss that so much.... Reading this gives me hope that eventually we will get there. He is doing everything he can to prove to me that he is trustworthy, but I'm having a hard time being that vulnerable again. Hoping that in a couple of years we will be where you are now.

When I think back to our first year after what I did, I can scarcely believe that I am able to put this post up now. It is not difficult for me to be able to recall the pain of that first year and the sheer devastation that I brought to HL's life, and to my own. I honestly never thought that trust was something that would be regained in that first year, I was scared to death that we would never R. HL didn't commit to R for 5 months. Our R has been a long and winding road to say the least. So to put this post up, for me, well it is big. Don't give up hope. Anyone.

I'm so very happy for you both!! A lot of hard work and deep conversations brought you both to this place together...I have a huge smile on my face!

Wonderful news to read...truly

Thank you very much DS. I can honestly say that had I not found this site when I did, and started reading, and taking the advice to heart, I don't know that we would be together now. I was doing everything wrong. My plan was to tell him nothing, he should never know. He didn't need to know. We should rugsweep it and try to just move on. It was reading about the other BS's here on this site that moved me to see what I needed to give HL. The other waywards helped me to see what I needed to fix in myself. It was a slow road at first. But it happened, thanks to what I learned here.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, May 6th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TG)))

You and HL are an inspiration to many here


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196305 | Registered: May 2002
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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