Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Phoenix2rise (45723)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Opinions on my new dating thing
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 5:08 AM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will say not seeing anyone else and agreeing to exclusivity is different.

Yeah, I'm starting to learn that. I just always assumed that they were the same thing.

Something positive, in my opinion, happened last night though. I found out yesterday that I was going to be in his town for work today. I considered texting him about it, but we had just seen each other Sunday and I didn't want to invite myself over. Later though when I talked to him, he said I should have invited myself over and that his door is always open to me. And he called me sweetie for the first time I know it's just a silly word and doesn't mean anything, but it made me smile.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1279 | Registered: Jul 2013
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And he called me sweetie for the first time I know it's just a silly word and doesn't mean anything, but it made me smile.

I'm loving the terms of endearment I'm getting too. Like you, I understand that they don't really "mean" anything, that they're just very simple ways of showing caring. And they make me happy each time I hear one.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3235 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j
Like you, I understand that they don't really "mean" anything, that they're just very simple ways of showing caring.

I still feel giddy when my SO (going on 3 years) calls me a term of endearment. He doesn't call me any specific one so each time it's like

Lonelygirl, it sounds like things could be good with this guy. Just take your time! I know that's so hard though. I never really "dated" people. I just went from one relationship to another. It was real eye-opening for me to consider multi-dating. It definitely helped me from getting attached!


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4223 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
HopeImOverIt
♀ Member
Member # 34517
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will say not seeing anyone else and agreeing to exclusivity is different.

Hmmm... I would have said that I am not CURRENTLY seeing anyone else isn't exclusivity, but to say I don't INTEND to see anyone else is.

I would also have said that taking down one's OLD profile IS a sign of exclusivity.

I personally use "boyfriend/girlfriend" as a synonym for being exclusive, but that's me.

The only committment I am looking for right now is the committment to be honest. If my boyfriend wants to see someone else, or has started seeing someone else, please just let me know and I will make my plans accordingly. I wouldn't define "exclusive" as a promise to NEVER have sex with anyone else, just not to do it while also seeing me.

For me commitment implies making plans for the future, such as moving in together, getting married, making non-refundable purchases together (i.e. vacation plans), etc.

From an emotional standpoint, commitment could also mean, "I will bring up any problems, try to work them out, actively avoid getting entangled with other people, etc."

I'm curious, what question(s) would you ask to determine if someone is commited to you? Or do you feel it's implied when you make non-refundable or life-altering plans together?


Me: BW (50)
ExWH: (51)
2 teen-age boys
Divorced

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: PA
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm curious, what question(s) would you ask to determine if someone is commited to you? Or do you feel it's implied when you make non-refundable or life-altering plans together?

I would love an answer to this too. I always assume that when you made a decision to be exclusive, the commitment came along with that. But this is the first adult relationship I've had with someone who doesn't have a personality disorder, so I'm honestly not sure.

I will say that I like that it's been slower than with my xwBF. We were exclusive on third date, and he was asking to move in at three months. It felt like a fairy tale at the time. But now I see that I didn't really know him like I'm getting to know this current guy.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1279 | Registered: Jul 2013
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Little turtle: Same thing with the names for me. He always used words like sexy and hot stuff, in a joking way. But the sweetie one was more affectionate I guess. He also refers to me as "my attorney" to his friends.

I was dating multiple people for probably the first five weeks. And then he told me he took his profile down, so I did too.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1279 | Registered: Jul 2013
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I say give it some time. His biggest red flag seems to stem from him being honest with you about not knowing what he wants? If you think it's worth giving some time to, then do that. Tell him if you have concerns about not being labeled as a girlfriend, see what he has to say. Tell him you feel like you are more into him than he is to you. See what he says.

I had dated a guy who was very open about the fact I was NOT his girlfriend. He introduced me to his friends, we were together on weekends, he talked about our future, he was great, but he never committed to being exclusive. But, over time, I realized, he wasn't even trying to date anyone else, he took down profiles, etc. For 9 months I was still not his girlfriend, I was the woman he was dating. I finally said "Look, I really like you. But, I'm getting too attached here. I'm not ready to end it yet, but you just need to know, I'm working toward it. I respect that you don't want a relationship, but this is a relationship, and you pretending it isn't is hurting me. So, for both of us, I'm out." A few hours later he came around, thanked me for the kick in the pants. Told me he didn't want to date anyone else, he loved me. We're celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary this year.

And, the planner thing can get better. My H is a huge planner, I am SO not. We've found ways to make it work and to compromise.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4502 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.