[This message edited by wantingmore at 11:53 PM, May 6th (Tuesday)]
Do you still see an IC?
At the very least, please think hard about stopping contact with your ex. Or, decide to try to win her back and do the right thing by breaking off your current relationship.
If only life were easy. But try to do the honorable thing here.
Peace and strength.
Tell her you still talk to your ex-wife about reconciling and consider your ex your best friend.
Print this out and show it to your girlfriend. I mean your post not mine. That will help solve your wedding problem.
Do you realize you are cheating on her? You are basically incapable of committing to one woman for fear of "what if"
I don't know the answer to that but I know that what you are doing to your gf is wrong.
Your inability to talk and really say how you feel has already caused a massive issue in your life with your ex. Now, it's going to cause a lot of pain to this woman who is planning a life with a guy who wants no part of that. I just keep wondering, does she really know that? Does she honestly know she's picking out gowns and tasting cake and dreaming of her new life all for no reason? Does she realize that you never wanted a future with her in the first place?? This poor woman is another object of collateral damage in your fight with yourself.
Regardless of what happens, you have to truly sort out what you want. You can't just let things happen to a point where you feel stuck so you might as well just go with it. That's unfair to everyone involved.
I think you are able to talk to your ex now because she's your ex. You're not as invested anymore so it's not as difficult to be honest.
I agree that being alone is probably best for you now. You need clarity and some tools to help with honest communication.
You don't need to keep lying in this bed. But no one can get you out of it but you.
I did break it off and it was very difficult to do. He was angry and upset because he thought things were going well. They actually weren't---we had many other issues aside from my lingering grief over my cheating and divorce---but that was his perspective and not my place to tell him how to feel. But I did the right thing...not just because my XH and I are now reconciling and mostly happy, but because xSO deserved the chance to find someone who loved only him and who wasn't hung up on the past.
I wish you luck in doing the right thing.
Married 2.5 years
Reconciled after divorce
"Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible." - Hunter Hayes, "Invisible"
Get yourself to IC.
For goodness' sake, don't rush into any other relationships, including one with your ex.
[This message edited by abbycadabby at 9:44 AM, May 7th (Wednesday)]
My XWH had this same attitude. He was always "happy" until another alternative presented iteslf. Then, of course, the wishy-washy "I'm so confused" and "I don't want to hurt either of you" crap starts up.
The plain fact of the matter is that he was cheating. And so are you.
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
I edit often for clarity.
You know what you need to do. Hurting your current SO now is much better than hurting her in a few months or in a few years. Let her go to find the person who can love her the way she deserves to be loved. Do the right thing.
Don't do that. That's what my cheating STBXWH did to me. We talked about children and he made it sound like when the time was right we would have kids. The time was never right for him. NEVER WAS GONNA BE.
And now I'm 50 and I am in perimenopause and my chance to have kids was ripped off by a guy who couldn't be honest and couldn't REALLY commit to me, even though he married me.
You need to break it off with your GF, and do it now. Don't delay. Let her know you can't marry her and can't give her children and let her go. It will hurt but it has to be done.
Wantingmore, you need to grow up now. You need to look yourself in the mirror and start making honorable decisions. Start living with some integrity. Let your GF go. Ask her to move out and move on with her life so she can find the love she deserves.
Then, you need to go NC with your XW. Stop talking to her. Commit to your self-healing and working with your IC. IC should be hard work. Seriously work on improving yourself and learning how to go through life as a fully-matured adult, not a man-child.
It's good you've come back here. You might feel a little ganged up on here in NB but please keep posting and let us know how your progress is going. If not in this forum then in the waywards forum. You need support through this. Get your head on straight and work towards cleaning up your life, OK?
Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.