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Newest Member: LostinBluseas (45054)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: exWW unable to let go and move on
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In short it is as I expected:

1) I won't have to pay her maintenance (but I didn't have to anyway)

2) I still have to pay her child support (I knew this)

3) I still have to buy her share of the house.

4) She has less of a claim to my pension


However, all of the above is moot if she doesn't marry before the settlement



Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 695 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

True, but you can use it to your advantage. She wants to get married. She can't get married until you settle....


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1020 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
mountainmomma
♀ Member
Member # 34388
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey AAS
Good to see you!
Hope your camping trip was lots of fun with your boys.

Regarding XWW not responding, I think it is out of the WS play book, about control, trying to punish and not "allow" you to move on with your life (how DARE you!) and the fact that you are pisses her off. The last death throes so to speak.

As others have said be careful offering her more , really she should just get the absolute minimum you can give legally, of you can do this, she has Gru the poo now to finance her, and other than child support there's nothing else you have to pay her. keep crickets as much as possible and no ego kibbles (crickets taste much nastier for her) and are better for you and your health, there's only a few more weeks to go so let her show herself to the judge to be the idiot she is, despite a co-operative ex H that you're being, hopefully she'll piss the judge off with the 4 bed house crap, and she'll not get all she wants.

My bro had the same thing with his now exW, made offers for buy outs, put figures on the table, in the end she crumbled somewhat at court and took less than she went in for because of him highlighting his prior efforts to the judge to no avail with her prior to going to court.

Take care and put you and your boys in the number 1 spit and leave her in the trash. She won't "see" Nor accept anything nice you offer her because she is still in la la land. Nothing will be good enough so give her the minimum and keep the rest for you and the boys to enjoy for YOUR and THEIR future. It's great that you can keep the house and provide them with that stability and familiarity.

That abbondad is going to be with you is uber cool and brilliant!

Please keep us posted we miss you!
Glad to see you're continuing to move forward.
In light
MM
Edited due to stupid ipad auto-non correct!

[This message edited by mountainmomma at 4:59 PM, May 8th (Thursday)]


Me 37
WS 42 (Mitty)
4 kiddys 9,7,4 &20 mths no5 due August 14
seeing hookers, NSA sites, escorts, anyone willing from 07/08 (i didn't know)left to do full time with no restraints 2010 Returned home march 2011 in R DDay 2.4.2010 OW 30+ age 18-60

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: U.K
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:16 AM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Mountain,

I have been posting in other peoples threads and trying to do my bit for other pour souls on here. User name 'Saveus' is right at the beginning of his miserable journey, poor man.

I'm also not posting too much because I was aware that I was wallowing and I need to kick the habit. It's very easy to spriral and mourn and I just can't keep doing it.

I've now totally given up any attempt to settle and my solicitor has since told me that even being engaged can have a detrimental impact on the settlement for her. Apparently the judge can unilaterally reach the conclusion that the baby and an engagement to be married shows adequate intent of a long term relationship. And as such, the income of Gru will be considered and could result in her getting none of my pension and a lower settlement for the house.

In the meantime I will simply have to continue to let her effectively pay half the mortgage of a house she will never own


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 695 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 5:01 AM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations, that's great to hear:D


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 200 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:46 AM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And as such, the income of Gru will be considered and could result in her getting none of my pension and a lower settlement for the house.

This would be some sweet karma. I hope it comes to pass.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1621 | Registered: Dec 2012
mountainmomma
♀ Member
Member # 34388
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, May 11th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you've been able to keep the focus on moving forward, the wallowing can be hard to break out of, but knowing how strong you have been and are, you're staying on the healthy path. I'm sure there are times it will rear up again. It as you say, sometimes it's good to have a little break from posting, to help. Ive read saveus's posts, bless you for being a source of support for him as so many others are too, it's just awful what he's going through as it is for us all..


my solicitor has since told me that even being engaged can have a detrimental impact on the settlement for her. Apparently the judge can unilaterally reach the conclusion that the baby and an engagement to be married shows adequate intent of a long term relationship. And as such, the income of Gru will be considered and could result in her getting none of my pension and a lower settlement for the house.

Love this and I hope this is how it goes for you int he next couple of weeks.

In the meantime I will simply have to continue to let her effectively pay half the mortgage of a house she will never own

Love this too!

Please keep us updated
Take care
MM



Me 37
WS 42 (Mitty)
4 kiddys 9,7,4 &20 mths no5 due August 14
seeing hookers, NSA sites, escorts, anyone willing from 07/08 (i didn't know)left to do full time with no restraints 2010 Returned home march 2011 in R DDay 2.4.2010 OW 30+ age 18-60

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: U.K
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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