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User Topic: Struggling
Mindfully
♀ Member
Member # 42959
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am struggling today. I'm two and a half months out from Dday. The WS are in limbo, while I think about whether or not I want to reconcile. On Sunday, the OW emailed my WS. WS did exactly the right thing: didn't respond or delete the email, notified me as per our agreement, we talked about it and agreed to delete it unread. So that was actually a good moment.

So why am I still struggling? In part, the OW reaching out to my WS caused some triggering for me. But the other part of it is, at two and a half months out, some things feel they are moving back towards "normal". I know this should be a good thing. I should be feeling good about the fact that I can manage to get through most days without crying for at least half of them, I have better concentration at work, I get to an exercise class and actually have moments where I enjoy it.

But the truth is sometimes the "normalcy" freaks me out. I feel this strong desire to say to the world: "Don't think I'm okay now, I am still broken. I am still hurt by this". I said these things to my WS this morning, but I'm not sure he gets it. I am not sure I do. Is this craziness? Self-pity? Is it fear of moving on? Do any other BS's ever have these fears?


Posts: 70 | Registered: Mar 2014
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mindfully, I totally get this:
I am still broken. I am still hurt by this".

I am a year out and still feel this way. What you're feeling is completely normal. I don't have advice, but wanted you to know that others feel this way too, and that you're not alone.

(((mindfully)))


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trust anxiety. I got it too when fwh started acting the right way... Cautious Progression... it's normal... and will last a good while...


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 3

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