The last two days have been “good”. We have emailed, been cordial, he even emailed that he loved and missed me. Tonight however, I lost it. I know that I can’t and that I shouldn’t but I just couldn’t hold it together anymore. I can’t pretend that I am okay when I am not. I can’t pretend that I am something that I am not – that’s what got me here in the first place.
He asks me to talk to him open and honestly and when I do he says that he has heard it all before. He is asking me to tell him “something he doesn’t know” – but it’s all out there. I have told him everything. I am deflated. I am a mess.
[I have my IC session tomorrow. I hope that it helps.]