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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 2.5 Years and it doesn't hurt anymore
Stillhurt123
♀ Member
Member # 35216
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Everyone,

I don't come here often anymore. With my mom being ill and everything in my life, I just don't have time.

But...for almost 2 years, this was my life line, so I felt the need to come back and give hope to those out there.

What does my life look like 2.5 years out?

FWH - he is still giving 100%. He doesn't hide anything (that I know of), he shows his phone etc, is totally open, he actually calls me if he forgets a password. FWH actually initiated going to therapy for himself to help him deal with a few things in himself he's not happy with (not A related, but more parenting/relationship related). This for him is a HUGE step.

Me - I'm at peace with the infidelity, finally. I still think about it.. maybe few days or a few times a week. When I drive to an area where I know one of the OW lives, it comes to mind. But every day it gets easier, better and further and further away. I have not forgiven (never will I think), but I accept it. I still don't put anything past my FWH, but I don't obsess over anything. Check email, FB etc every once in a while just cause. I have my deal breakers firmly in place, and we talk about things if I feel like it, which is actually hardly ever.

The M - We are happy with normal ups and downs, we love each other very much, we laugh and have fun and keep working on us.

I wanted to post today because I was driving out to see my Mom and it's an area where OW lives and I tend to think about stuff when I see reminders. Today, I realized I thought about it, but I didn't have ANY pain associated. You know that physical pain you get? I had the same feelings as if I was thinking about what to eat for dinner. It meant nothing to me. It is a slow process, but to not HURT anymore at all to me is a huge milestone. I remember coming here wondering when the pain will STOP. Well, it did. I went back to my old posts and about 1.5 years ago I said it's a pain you have to live with. So today, with the realization there was no pain, no feelings, I couldn't believe it.

I was one of those who never believed it would take ME 2-5 years. I thought forget that.

But, that's really what it takes (if you do the work). And, it's not impossible to get 2 years out .... 'cause it's not all of a sudden. Every day gets better. Every day gets one step further from the pain.

I don't consider myself fully healed. I think that will come in probably another while, but I'm pretty content where I am now. Not because of my FWH, not because of our M, but just me. Even without my FWH I am content with me and where I am.

Anyway, still work to do, but I always looked for positive posts when I was hurting to see if it's even worth it to keep trying...so here is my post for anyone looking for that sign. It's worth working on YOU and if your FWH is working on HIM, then it's worth working on the M.


Married for 10 yrs, together 15
Me, BW - 37
Him, fWH- 40
3 kids
D-Day; Dec 13, 2011, TT and lies and lies and lies and lies
Back in R

Posts: 403 | Registered: Apr 2012
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome post! Thanks for stopping by and the words of encouragement. It sounds like you and your husband are in a great spot!

Congrats!!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1547 | Registered: Jun 2012
BuckeyeBlues
♀ New Member
Member # 43373
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this. It gives me hope...


Married for 19 years
Me: 44, BW
Him: 53, WH
2 teenagers
D-Day: 5/7/14
Taking it one day at a time...

Posts: 22 | Registered: May 2014
RipsInMyChest
♀ Member
Member # 41166
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you! Sometimes there is so much pain here...it's good to hear that TIME does heal.


Me: BW 41
FWH 41
Together 21 yrs, M 18, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Used condom, got chlamydia anyway.

His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.


Posts: 261 | Registered: Oct 2013
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for coming back to share. Happy for you.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't tell you how encouraging your post was! To know that the pain really does go away - especially when passing by a once pain-inducing place - gives me so much hope! I wish you and yours the best always!! Thank you!


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 423 | Registered: May 2014
kate0421
♀ Member
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad you posted this. I'm really happy for you and hope one day to be where you are. I was feeling kinda down today and now after reading your post, you gave me that little bit of hope I needed to get through the day and feel much more positivity. Thank you.


ME: BS
HIM: WS
Together over 9yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 274 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Tampa Bay Florida
jj21
♀ New Member
Member # 38992
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear (read) today! Thank you!

Posts: 36 | Registered: Apr 2013
Stillhurt123
♀ Member
Member # 35216
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad you found this helpful. I wish all of you so much luck.


Married for 10 yrs, together 15
Me, BW - 37
Him, fWH- 40
3 kids
D-Day; Dec 13, 2011, TT and lies and lies and lies and lies
Back in R

Posts: 403 | Registered: Apr 2012
LdyD
♀ Member
Member # 42870
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's great to see encouraging posts like this!


Me - BW: 43
Him - WH: 42
D-Day: 2/16/14
Married 11 1/2 years, Together 15 years
2 Daughters ages 10, 13
In MC since 3 days after D-day.
Attempting R with a seemingly remorseful WH

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Virginia
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post! Thanks for posting!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Zengirl
♀ Member
Member # 42195
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you thank you for this post.


Me (BW): 40
Married: 15 years
3 kids
D-Day: 10/13

Posts: 159 | Registered: Jan 2014
Allornothing
♀ Member
Member # 42354
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Truly happy for you, thanks for sharing!


Me- BS 43
Him- FWH 43
Married 19 years, Together 26
Kids- 23,21,15,14
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant

Posts: 190 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
learningtofeel
♀ Member
Member # 39543
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some day I hope to post something similar for our more recent compatriots at that time.

Last year every day felt like a year. Now I can see that I might get to where you are.

Thanks.


M 1989
3 young adult kids
D-Day 4.13.13
WS (him): 7 OW over 15 years
BS (me): had no clue

Posts: 101 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Gardenerinpain
♀ New Member
Member # 42323
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you SO much for this. AS the others said, it is EXACTLY what I need to hear right now.
Bless you!


Me: BS 60
He: F?WH 71
OW: 70
Married 32 years.
DDay March 2012
Separated since September 2013.
Trying to reconcile.

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley


Posts: 39 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: South
Topic Posts: 15

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