So I've been stuck.
For a while now, I stopped posting here, I read everyday, but hardly ever respond... even stopped with SPF!
I put down NJF, I slowed in my step work, my IC is not super productive.
Not moving forward, standing still.
I found myself withdrawing from AFK, not purposely.
Wanting to move but being unable.
I ran into a question recently,in my stepwork, about a vision of ourselves, who do I want to be? What assets do I want to carry forth into my life, how would my life look without my destructive character defects.
I've been putting off answering.
Because I'm afraid. I have some vague unfounded fear holding me, fear of failure and fear of vulnerability, fear of the future, fear fear fear.
So I busted out my journal this morning and did a TON of writing. I dumped a head full on those pages. I've never written so much in one sitting.
I answered those questions that I've been rolling around in my head and the answers are beautiful. (oh boy here come the tears)
Beautiful and wonderful and the thing is I already have so much of the attributes I want. I've left behind so many that I don't.
It was one of those cathartic mornings starting in the shower, thru my writing, with a brief interlude running Mr. I won't blow my nose so I cough a lot, to the doctor (he's fine). I picked up NJF.
I feel like I did some spring cleaning in my head.
I feel light and air flowing through there.
I have come so far and I have to remember that my work on me will never be done.
FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
"Your secrets keep you sick"