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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New Twitter Account
RealityBlows
♂ Member
Member # 41108
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are 7 month post DD. (Married 22 years with 3-kids). Things have been going very well. WW has been meeting all expectations of R. The other day I noticed that she was setting up a Twitter profile. She had deleted all correspondence related to the setting up of the account. I found the evidence in the un-emptied waste basket of her E-Mail account. After about 5-days, I saw no evidence of her communicating with anyone. The twitter account was open and active but the profile was not fully developed and she did not appear to be using it. When I finally approached her about it she became a little defensive and defiant, claiming she just wanted a social outlet. I told her that if she needed that, she could have asked, and I probably would have approved. She claimed it was a defiant impulse she had one day, and that she never followed through. She advised that if she was really trying to set up a secret account she would have fully deleted all correspondence related to the account by emptying her E-Mail trash. I don't know what to make of this. Don't know if i'm over reacting. Her previous affair involved Texting to sexting evolving into a PA with a Co-worker.

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2013
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She had deleted all correspondence related to the setting up of the account.

^^^It appears that she was secretly setting up that account. She deleted all traces of it and she never informed you.

She advised that if she was really trying to set up a secret account she would have fully deleted all correspondence related to the account by emptying her E-Mail trash.

Or, maybe she just forgot to delete the E-mail trash.

No, I do not believe that you are over reacting. She was setting an account up for a reason, did it secretively, and then got defensive and defiant when confronted.

One thing is certain, she is not being 100% transparent. Transparency is essential for successful R.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2121 | Registered: Nov 2011
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another vote that she just forgot to delete her email trash.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7671 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
RomanticInnocenc
♀ Member
Member # 43041
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reality- why the need for defiance? Why is she feeling oppressed for the consequences to her actions? To me that doesn't give a whole heap of credibility to remorse, but regret. Why was there no communication? Communication tends to be a biggie with those that cheat, why not come to you like an adult and say she was needing a social outlet and would you feel safe if she opened a twitter account if you had all the login details? This is what concerns me
- she hid it, deleted the emails from her inbox and didn't tell you openly
- her reason for doing it was defiance
- she got defensive about it, didn't own the behaviour as not ok straight away
- her previous affair was enabled by technology

This all screams wayward behaviour to me. You are not over reacting, at the very least it's some proof that perhaps she hasn't learnt a whole lot from the experience. I'm sorry you are going through this.


Me: BS 31
WH: 29 (theseseatsRtaken)
DS: getting close to 1
Together 10 years, married 2.
DD1: 8th of Jan 2014
DD2: 10th of Jan 2014
NC: 8th of Jan
In hopeful R!

Posts: 319 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
RealityBlows
♂ Member
Member # 41108
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I confronted her she acknowledged that it was wrong-"Stupid", but insists it was innocent. She says she envies the fact that I have Facebook friends and she does not. She self imposed the closing of her FB account after DD. I told her we can have social media but it must be mutually transparent. She said , that one night while I was at work and she was alone she had a defiant moment. Shortly afterwards she realized it wasn't worth the trouble and never followed through and was planning on cancelling it. She says she totally understands my concern, and the way it looks, but insists it was innocent.
I should have waited longer than a week before confronting, to see how it played out. I just couldn't stand-it anymore. It just seems weird for all the reasons you all mentioned above. The Tweet app was readily visible on her phone. Her only efforts to hide it were deleting the Twitter generated account set-up correspondence and simply not notifying me. We have been doing so well.

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2013
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not think you are overreacting, and I also don't think she is lying.

She says she envies the fact that I have Facebook friends and she does not
I would believe her statement about this.

You are right, you should have waited to see if anything came from it. But your wife probably does realize she did bring this on herself and it will be a long while before you can trust her even on the computer again.


Posts: 4101 | Registered: Jun 2002
Topic Posts: 6

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