She had deleted all correspondence related to the setting up of the account.
^^^It appears that she was secretly setting up that account. She deleted all traces of it and she never informed you.
She advised that if she was really trying to set up a secret account she would have fully deleted all correspondence related to the account by emptying her E-Mail trash.
Or, maybe she just forgot to delete the E-mail trash.
No, I do not believe that you are over reacting. She was setting an account up for a reason, did it secretively, and then got defensive and defiant when confronted.
One thing is certain, she is not being 100% transparent. Transparency is essential for successful R.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
This all screams wayward behaviour to me. You are not over reacting, at the very least it's some proof that perhaps she hasn't learnt a whole lot from the experience. I'm sorry you are going through this.
She says she envies the fact that I have Facebook friends and she does not
You are right, you should have waited to see if anything came from it. But your wife probably does realize she did bring this on herself and it will be a long while before you can trust her even on the computer again.