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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Roller Coaster Anger
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to everyone who weighed in. I really appreciate what you have to say. The 2x4s of memory foam hit their mark. You've all given me so much to think over. Thanks FRM and BBT - I am listening to you as well.

Timid - You are right, I know he still cares. I know he is tired though, and he is asking me to do the heavy lifting.

Heart - I know that there are times that he says things specifically calculated to hurt because he has admitted as much in MC. But there are times when what he says is exactly because I cut his heart out. You are very right, and I see it. That's why I wrote:

I know he hurts, and I'm finally at a place where my brain is on overload because I want to do the right thing (validate support and empathize) but my ears seem to get in the way. KWIM?
I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to do the right thing, and what tools other people have found work for them. I'm listening with all my ears.

Walking - You are spot on. BH does not, or has not, felt that I have been doing enough. He was adamant that we've wasted a lot of time and he's tired of it. I just have to pick myself up off the floor and keep working.

Where - thanks. Your response is very measured, and I know you are right.

SLHer - that's not a bad idea. I have not asked him in calm moments about the words he is using. We did talk about it last night with help, and I had to discuss my reaction to it at some length with my C. I'm a work in progress, that's for sure.

20Wrong - I swear you are my guru! I get what you are saying loud and clear. I do not feel that I am being abused, but I will admit that I do not like the way I'm being treated when those words are said.

Romantic While my BH was not 9 months pregnant when the metaphorical fecal matter hit the fan, your story sounds eerily familiar. So yes, I get what you are saying. It is true I would rather have him call me names than do something irreversible and further destructive. I'll keep that in mind. I do already admire him for how he is dealing with this. Neither of us are good at communication, and yet we both seem to be improving.

Gman I know for a fact that what you say is true. He goes over everything over and over and over again, and then starts the process at the beginning. It's terrible.

Numb Your suggestion terrifies me, which I think means it is something I should try. I'm going to have to mull it over...

Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Posts: 488 | Registered: Dec 2013
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that there are times that he says things specifically calculated to hurt because he has admitted as much in MC.
Then he needs to work very hard to stop that. Expressing pain is one thing, being vindictive just makes things worse!

BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ Member
Member # 43189
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not like the way I'm being treated when those words are said

I hope I'm able to articulate this well enough to not offend anyone...

I felt an overwhelming sense of desperation, shame, and guilt in the first couple weeks. Then I remembered I still have personal values (that seriously sucks in certain respects like boundaries and integrity) but self-love and self-respect is going to be key in convincing myself that I don't want and will not be an OW or a wGF/WSO now or again in the future.

What's the point in offering your BH yourself who you feel is worthless?

Hope this gets better for you and your BH, Wayflost.

DDay: April 2014

Posts: 94 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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